BellaOnline Forums News and Politics Missing & Exploited Children Helicopter Parents = Are Modern Kids Too Coddled?

Some might blame 9/11, but the problem of over-coddling kids began way before that. Colleges are now reporting that incoming *freshmen* are so dependant on mommy and daddy that many parents set up their email, retain the passwords, and want THEIR (i.e. the parents) information on all student ID cards and contact cards. The parents want to still keep an eye on their babies.

In the old days, parents would drop their kids off at college. In current days, parents go to all the orientation sessions, go hang out in the rooms and want to stay. The colleges don't know what to do about this. One college hired bouncers to remove the parents (gently).

It's not just 9/11 - parents are having fewer kids and are treating each child as a precious egg that must be protected. Helmets. Car seats. Safety glasses. Kids can't play outside or have free time, because they could get into trouble. I actually heard that at a local town meeting, that kids had to have structured after school activities because otherwise who knows what they'd get into.

I was over a friend's house yesterday and they have a 10 month old. The mom was worried every time the child went near a table, and the dad was saying "He has to learn to duck - how else will he grow up?" Of course I felt very badly because while the child was near me, he was sitting and rolled over onto his back, thumping his head on the carpet. I suppose I should have caught him, I didn't realize he would roll like that! Now the mom will probably never invite me back again ...

When does it go from "loving care" to "overprotective zealousness"?

Lisa,
Along with coddling kids, the fact is parents and society no longer seems to hold individuals accountable for their actions and the consequences anymore.

We livein a "Nothing I do is my fault" society, where excuses run rampant, ...I had a bad childhood, I had a bad day, I lost my job, I am ADHD, I take medication and it affected the way I was thinking, my dog ate his tail and then died, my cat licked my laptop and erased my homework, my laptop exploded and purple mice invaded my room...etc...etc...etc...

Parents coddle or spoil their children for the first 12-15 years of their life, until suddenly the child is big enough to cause them problems, and the parent can no longer handle the child's behavior. Suddenly the child ends up in my acute crisis stabilization hospital unit with out of control, impulsive, high risk behavior, threatening the siblings, parents or school mates and the parent/s expect us to fix them in the 3-7 days insurance gives us to stabiize them.
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This is one of my biggest pet peeves. Children are not possessions or pets. A parent's job is to prepare their offspring to be functioning, independent adults. Why does nobody know that anymore?

My kids hate I am a child adolescent Behavioral medicine RN they do not get simple groundings and timeouts they get written assignments and reports to do on their infractions.

One time my son was just 5 and he was given a timeout in his room. He stomped down to his room and slammed his door HARD. Then did it AGAIN. AGAIN. AGAIN. Ohhhhhhhhhh. I did not say a word as he continued to SLAM his door. I got up grabbed a hammer and screwdriver and as he opened his door to SLAM it there I stood silently.

The LOOK on his face said "OMG I pushed her over the abyss I think she is going to beat me to death with the hammer!!!!!"

He STOPPED in cold stance, weakly said hi mom I gently escorted him aside and came in and closed the door and you could just see him gulp as he thought this is the end "Elizabeth here I come!"

I tappped the hinges and took his door off and away I went carrying his door as he stared wide eyed......"are you going to throw my door out?"

I said I can't discuss this right now your in time out. I put it on the back porch for 2 weeks and when I put back up he has not slammed it since.

Cretive parenting! <img src="/images/graemlins/heart.gif" alt="" />

oh those are awful broad statements and despite what the media might tell you I don't believe for a second that the majority of parents are like that.

as for the parents of the 10 mo old, sounds like it's their first child. I was like that wioth my first too...now I'm about to have 5 and if no one is bleeding it's a good day. Give her some time, she'll lighten up!

Meg

I think there is just too much going on. Parents are scared of the things that their kids may encounter. In a society where you need to be more on guard than before, for different reasons, it�s hard to leave your child to it.

When there is only one child involved or the child is difficult, parents do miss a lot of parenting Q�s.

Not to mention, most people have let life get too busy. Schedules related to work, commuting, sports, etc play a big part. Not to mention the fact that everyone is running around exhausted and numbed out by stress. These things make it hard to be an effective parent. When things are going smoothly at home, the �played� parents are usually the last to know about poor behavior.

I know (well I theorize) that down here in Georgia, all the over-protectedness of children started when we had that horrific rash of child abduction/murders back in the early 80's (I think - I was just a kid back then). Parents went nuts, with fairly good reason, because at the time it seemed like you couldn't tell who was going to go missing.

The world had been so innocent, kids walking to school, but now they could disappear from the same store you were shopping in! Or (does anyone remember?) the little boy who was molested in the bathroom while his mother stood outside waiting for him.

Ted Bundy went after an entire college sorority. So even there the kids weren't safe.

I'm not arguing that we need to let our kids take bumps, make mistakes, and learn to grow up on their own; but it is just a very scary world with some sick and deranged people in it. And I don't care how old they get - they will always be our children. (My mother still wants me to call her if she knows i'm going to be traveling for more than 6 hrs. !)

The world is changing very fast.
Soon many more things will change.

All the negativity surprises me. There are bad things going on, sure, but there ALWAYS have been...we just have the media now. Our kids are in just as must danger as we adults are. Keep an eye on your kids and teach them how they are to act and what to do if there is a problem and be happy.

There are far more wonderful things out there than bad.

Meg

Meg,

I do not believe children have always grown up in such a threatening environment. Neighborhoods and families were closer, by closer I mean we lived in the same area usually on the same block or in the same city. If you did something wrong, even if it was a minor wrong, like picked an apple off the crabby old cat lady's tree, chances are by the time you got home your mother knew about it because one of the neighbors who saw you do it picked up the phone and called her and ratted you out.

As a kid we rode our bikes around the block, across the town, walked to and from school, to and from the store, park and never thought twice about it. Today my kids carry a walkie talkie and cell phone and walk together to go 3 blocks around the corner to a friends house, and I am not being paranoid. I will not allow them to walk to one friend's house as it passes 2 sex offenders houses.

Everyone in a neighborhood knew everyone for blocks. Now it is a rarity if you know the neighbors on both sides and in front and in back of you, much less two or three houses down the street. Families are spread across the nation and the world with jobs. Children do not have the older generational role models other genres did. Kids went to college got degrees and then took the best jobs, even if that meant moving from illinois to california or new york.

Adults have a lifetime of experience behind them to react to a situation that a young child does not have in a bad situation. You are right in teaching them is key to keeping them safe.

Go to www.mapsexoffenders.com and map the sex offenders in your area.