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#258583 07/14/06 03:36 PM
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Amoeba
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Amoeba
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Hi Readers! As a career counselor who works with college students, I get asked this question a lot. I'm wondering if any of you have any tips? The question is...now that I'm graduating, should I consider moving to a new city with my boyfriend, even if I don't have a job there? <img src="/images/graemlins/fish.gif" alt="" />

Should I follow my boyfriend to a new city after I graduate?
single choice
Votes accepted starting: 07/14/06 12:00 PM
You must vote before you can view the results of this poll.

Kristy Jackson
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#258584 07/14/06 03:40 PM
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Jellyfish
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Now is the time, if you are going to take a chance, it is easier to make changes I feel when you are younger and not set in your ways. Look at it as an opportunity for adventure, growth and expansion. Good luck to you both.

#258585 07/17/06 10:01 PM
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Gecko
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Give yourself an out. Move to be with him, fine, but make sure it's someplace you actually want to be stuck if the two of you split up, and make sure you have a job, a place to live, etc. and aren't in trouble if he says "we're ending it, now move out." And always have a backup if that falls through.

I learned this the hard way; I made huge plans to move in with my partner of almost four years, planned all of my future around living in that town...and then we split up before I got a job and moved there, and I had to abandon everything and start over in my hometown, where the opportunities were far less. I don't recommend it! And there's no way I'd ever again even think about moving for a guy unless it were somewhere I already wanted to move and I were going to be living on my own so if the relationship went splitsville, I'd still be okay.

#258586 07/17/06 10:09 PM
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Koala
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I tend to go with the theory that you should never jump ship without a life-vest, a raft and a paddle. Translation: Go, if that's really what you and he want; but you really need to have a plan of action. You can't expect the other person to support you. You'll need a job, you need to contribute for your share, and you need a backup plan (in case any or all of the arrangement doesn't work).

#258587 07/17/06 10:27 PM
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Chimpanzee
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Mine wasnt so good.

He actually married me so that i could move with him to Hawaii- -whch sounded like paradise, but was for three years, and I was only 19, and had never been farther from my family than from the 4 hour it took to fdrive from m college to the huouse..It was a MAJOR change.

I felt completely isolated on that island - 'cause I was the new 19 yr old officer's wife - the baby. i kept hearing about wive's clubs - but noone ever told me what to do. So I was just a loner. If I had to do it again - I'd aof kicked more booti and said "what's up with this?" and made a nuisance of myself trying to get involved. At least then i'd of had fun!

Make your own fun and friends, don't count on his having wives and girlfriends thath will be entertaining or worthwhile (although hopefully some will!)


Michelle Taylor
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#258588 07/18/06 02:31 AM
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Shark
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It could be a fun adventure....as long as the girlfriend isn't sacrificing any big opportunities and is equipped to take care of herself; particularly in the event that the relationship ends.


Mother always said that even when things seem bad there's someone else who's having a worse day. Like being stung by a bee or getting a splinter or being chained to the wall in someone's sex dungeon.
#258589 07/18/06 05:38 AM
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Shark
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Make sure you could be independant if you have to. As a lot of us know there is not always a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

I wish you luck


Good friends are like stars. You don't always see them
but you always know they are there.
#258590 07/26/06 07:17 PM
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Amoeba
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Amoeba
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Wow-thanks to everyone who wrote in with all of the great advice. It's a hard decision, isn't it? For me, both times I was the one who got the job first. When I finished college, I moved away, and my boyfriend at the time dumped me! But when I finished graduate school, I had a new boyfriend, and he moved with me. (We're married now, by the way--yay!). I definitely agree with those of you who said to check it out first & to be independent if you had to be. Moving & starting over is always hard & it is so easy to get "clingy" when you are in a new place & don't know anyone.


Kristy Jackson
#258591 07/26/06 07:50 PM
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Newbie
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Never relocate for a boyfriend! To many questions follow that
1 What if you break up?
2 Can you really be dependent on this person to support you while you look for a job?
3 Can you/and this person handle the emotional toll it takes on you because you don't work? or will it just be alot of tension?
If this person really cares they will understand you being established first more (secure in your career), before you relocate away from family/friends. Because nowbody wants to go back home to live with mom/dad. <img src="/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

#258592 07/26/06 08:17 PM
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Shark
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Shark
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Well, I think that's what we were all saying...DON'T be dependent on your boyfriend - make sure you can take care of yourself in case you do break up. If the relationship is solid (which obviously is not a guarantee that it will never end) and you're not giving up some wonderful opportunity and your boyfriend has a job somewhere and you want the relationship to continue....it could be a great experience. Everyone needs a little adventure in their lives....as long as you've got a safety net.


Mother always said that even when things seem bad there's someone else who's having a worse day. Like being stung by a bee or getting a splinter or being chained to the wall in someone's sex dungeon.
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