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Joined: Jun 2006
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ally465 Offline OP
Jellyfish
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I'm white, tall, naturally blonde, have blue eyes with small facial features. I didn't choose these attributes; God did. I'm not "proud" (nor ashamed) of the way I was born, but I am proud of what I've accomplished. The only physical attribute of which I'm proud is a fit body. I work out and watch what I eat.

However, whenever I meet a black woman, I am almost always met with disdain, which is puzzling when the woman knows absolutely nothing about my personality. I feel as if I must "prove" that I'm not some arrogant princess who thinks that others are unworthy of my friendship. Once a woman really gets to know me, we become friends, and any barriers are broken.

However, that first barrier seems to have erected based on nothing more than my initial appearance (I don't dress provocatively or inappropriately at all). Although I have never worn the shoes of a black women, I really try to understand why they might feel this way.

A long time ago and even today, many people judge black people on nothing more than their race and physical appearance. So, why do many black women turn around and exhibit the same behavior that they (rightfully) hate?

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Gecko
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It's not a question of race.

I'm an attractive Latin women and I've always been regarded with jealousy from some women of various races. One time I ran into an old, old friend of the family. He invited me home to meet his wife. She said to me, "so do you just get up in the morning and look like that?".

After visiting with them for a while, I was never able to go back. Her jealousy was so great that I no longer can have a relationship with my old friend, even though our relationship was never more than former neighbors and friends.

Perhaps its a human condition and not one of race.


Darling Poor
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I find it hard to believe that when you meet a Black woman that you "almost always" find that she is jealous of your looks. I think that often times we see what we want to see in others. Have you ever stopped for a minute to think that may be the reaction you are getting from Black women is because of something that you are doing?

I am a black woman and have had white friends. I have not been jealous of any of them. I think that are suggesting that Black women are jealous of your naturally blonde hair, blue eyes, small facial features and physically fit body. If that is true and I highly doubt it, I would love to meet some of the sisters that you are coming in contact. The Black women that I know are proud of their ethnicity, their features and their bodies. Most of us are built differently than white women but I don't know a single Black woman who would give up our curves or Black features for anything in the world.



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ally465 Offline OP
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Hi Blaque,

A person can't be jealous of something he doesn't have, so unfortunately, I don't understand what you mean. (I think you mean envy. I didn't use that word and don't know if it applies or not.)

The disapproving looks come at only a glance at me -- before I've even had time to say hello!

In various ways, we all make judgments about a person we don't know, but, for whatever reason, the cold treatment comes almost exclusively from black women. Again, it's before they know me at all. But, I try to be as polite as possible and not return the treatment. When we do have the opportunity to know each other better, it's always gone the opposite way. But there really is no doubt that I'm being judged on how I was born, and it's very disappointing.

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ally465

Are you saying this is a question of race or a question of beauty?

Have you confirmed that the initial reaction that you feel you receive is one of race or just a misperception on your part? Do you smile when you meet or pass these women? Are you genuinely friendly to them? Most times it is not the actions of the other, but their reaction and the perception of that reaction. Confussed yet?

Many Caucasions are the victims of reverse racism.... the sins of the father, the pendulum swing, equalization. Whatever you want to call it. Racisim of any kind is wrong and hurtful but the only way to combat it is to love the other regardless of it. It is the hate for the racist that will make one a reverse racist.

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Hello Blaque, I think that is the biggest problem between us women who are from different ethnic groups, I am Italian, and am white, I don't look like the blonde blue eyed woman that had the question, but can side with her. I also feel extremely uncomfortable in situations where the majority of black women act as though they do not like me. I am dark, I have curly hair, but I am white. I especially have heard that I somehow owed the blacks for slavery, well, unfortunately my family and most of white americans didn't even have relative in this country at that time. I am 2nd generation. I do however know that I am somewhat attractive and don't believe that what Ally was saying was that they were envious of her beauty, but were just displaying a typical senario that is not talked about much in the US, and that is the bigotry that blacks have against us as well. I have black friends and get along with them fine, but there is always a tendency to side against me when they are together, I do understand what she is talking about. It happens to us to.

Nigelsmummy

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ally465 Offline OP
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Quote:
Are you saying this is a question of race or a question of beauty?


For a long time, I tried to ignore the fact that it was women of another race because I am not racist and didn't want to jump to conclusions. But, unfortunately, the situation just doesn't happen with other races.

Quote:
Do you smile when you meet or pass these women? Are you genuinely friendly to them?


Absolutely! But I don't gush or overcompensate.

Quote:
Many Caucasions are the victims of reverse racism.


I'm trying very hard to combat that, but breaking that barrier is difficult all by myself. But I'm trying. <img src="/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

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Gecko
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I find it hard to believe that it would only be Black women who would react that way. Many women are the jealous type and to me you are only focusing in on one group.

You get back from the world what you put out into it.

I also think it's a common psychological defense mechanism to blame the other person for what you are feeling. You are responsible for your own emotions and thoughts. Not other people. Unless you are a mind reader, you have no idea what their true feelings are.

My final thought is that you deconstruct your own logic: By your own words, "you can't be jealous of something you don't have," so why would those Black women be envious of you?


Darling Poor
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This is an interesting topic. I am also going along with the jealousy theory though. I can tell you first handedly that I know many girls want to be gorgeous, and when they find someone prettier, the claws come out. Example: I ride horses, and our barn has a bunch of girls my age and we're all friends. One day a new girl our age started riding at our barn, and she is a drop dead beauty. she wears no makeup, she just looks pretty as is. Anyway, all the girls started ganging up on her and planning to be rude. One even said that we weren't being nice to her because she's pretty. The new girl was totally nice. So, only explanation? They were jealous of her good looks. Maybe you're just more aware of it when black people are judgy towards you, but pay more attention--I bet other women do it as well.

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Its just life...Its hard to understand people but just be as friendly as possible and if it still doesnt work..You are not the loser..you gave it your all...Keep your head up..You are very worthy...Hugzzz


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