BellaOnline Forums Religion and Spirituality Dreams Why I can't I dream about him - the deceased?

I had a question I wanted to get some thoughts on.

Since my dad died in November, I have only had one dream about him and I believe now that it was him letting me know my brother was going to die. In this dream, he was sitting at the table and I was to his left and my hubby was to my left. He was sick in this dream and looked like he did right before he died - swollen and with little hair. He looked over at me and said, "I figure that boy will be coming pretty soon." I said, "Really?" He said, "Uh-huh." That was it. That was on December 3rd (I wrote down the date and the dream in my journal). My brother died on February 3rd. He was "found" on February 4th, but technically, he died on the 3rd. My dad always used to call my brother "that boy" and when he talked to him, he called him "boy" most of the time...lol. Of course, at the time, I didn't figure it out because I in no way, shape or form expected another death so quickly (we had already had 4 in 1 year), so I immediately thought I was pregnant, even though I knew that was not likely. So I walked around not having any idea what was going on and one of my other brothers and I tried to figure it out and finally decided it must have been nothing, until my brother died and then we had that "aha" moment.

That's it! Just one dream - no more and I ask every night for him to "visit" me in my dreams or just pray that I can dream about him. Usually when I ask, I end up dreaming about my mother... <img src="/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Is there some explanation for this? My uncle dreams about my dad all the time! At least once a week. I don't understand it, but I would really, really, really like to have a dream about my dad. Is there something else I need to do other than ask and pray?

Conciously you are asking to dream about your dad, but it may be that subconciously you are not ready for this yet. Your grief may still be too raw. Your mind will protect itself and dole out the healing to you as it is needed.

Spend time during your waking moments with pleasant memories of your father. Not those recent memories of when he was sick, but past memories of when you were little and he would play games with you, or take you on walks, or took you to the zoo; things like that. Find the happier memories to dwell on; and quite possibly you may be able to start dreaming of him again. <img src="/images/graemlins/heart.gif" alt="" />

But if all your heart can dredge up are the painful memories and grief, then you probably will not be able to for a while. <img src="/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

The fact is that we do not choose our own dream images. Dreams are a spiritual vehicle by which our thinking is corrected. Each human appearing in a dream is actually a personification of �an idea� we have in mind. When we dream of people who are alive we have an indication that there is �life� or some life giving quality to what we think or feel. The deceased suggest an idea that we might honour in the mind (as we seem to assume that they have gone to a higher realm) but which has little benefit to the living (just as they no longer can give us a helping hand in the real physical world).

While this way of seeing the deceased may not please many people, this basic idea is quite readily seen and accepted when we think in terms of food. When buying fresh vegetables and fruit people automatically seek out the freshest, believing that these will provide the maximum in nutritional value. We regard the freshest as having �more life� in it. When we feed ourselves food for thought lacking in �life�, we will not benefit either. Thus seeing the deceased in our dreams is an indication that our way of thinking is not working towards our continued well-being and is not, therefore, something to be seen as desirable.

This idea itself appears in the dream you did have of your dad. A father usually represents an idea that is of a protective nature. He can be regarded as an old opinion or old way of thinking. He is also simply a symbol of your mind. Sitting at the table with hubby and dad indicates a situation in which you might expect gratification via communication yet you are in the wrong in relation to a way of thinking represented by dad. (I was to his left) When seen in dad�s apparent condition, the dream shows little thought coming from your mind (with little hair) and a mind and way of thinking that in general seems unhealthy. (swollen � looking like he did right before he died) As dad was already deceased when this dream occurred, he also implies a way of thinking or an idea [one you might associate with dad] that gives you no benefit in the world of the living.

The �boy� is a term you associate with your brother. He can thus imply an idea or way of thinking you might say �oh brother!� to. The main indication is that the �boy� reflects an idea that is not �a man�, that is, it lacks in adult intelligence. As a brother is dad�s offspring, it suggests that your mind seen as dad [and an idea you might be associating with dad] has provided you with more recent thinking that can be evaluated as above. Your mind in the image of dad is forecasting the arrival of an idea that can be qualified as �a boy�. {This could well relate to your idea of wishing to dream of dad.}
P.S. I am truly sorry about your recent loses of family members.

Hi JenM,

Several sources I've read say that it typically takes a minimum of around two months for most people to come through in dreams, and some take more than a year. They need time to adjust and will come when they're ready. My husband showed up briefly on the third night, came to give me an important warning around the first month and then it was six months before he came back.

Some, of course, show up sooner and some much later. But once they do, it's usually with a vengeance, for lack of a better word, and that is a terrible word here, please forgive me....

This book is very helpful:

Bereavement Dreaming And The Individuating Soul

The author cautions not to push it, as it's kind of like waking someone up from a nap.

Eliz, thank you for your condolence and thank you for your interpretation. I have to disagree that having a dream about my father is undesirable or would not benefit me in some way. I think I need it somehow to actually move forward. I don't know how to explain it.

Parthena - that's fine using the word vengeance. While it was strange seeing it (the last time I heard or saw that word was when my dad's cancer came back - the doctor describe it as "It's back with a vengeance"), it's strangely reassuring (gives me hope, at least) that when I do finally dream about him, the gates will open and I'll have a lot of "dad action" in my dreams...lol.

I ordered the book, btw. I can't wait to read it!