BellaOnline Forums Relationships Relationships Are Swingers Happier?

You know I have seen some talk shows that featured couples that are into swinging. I have also met a few couples that swing. I hate to say this but they really seem genuinely much happier than your average couple.
Why do you think that is?

...."seem genuinely happy" may be the key phrase there.....

This is just my opinion - take it or leave it as you will...

It all seems very exciting and trendy to begin with, but I have the impression that at one point or another, jealousy or resentment may surface, if one or either member breaks the rules....
swingers have to have rules...the whole situation is fraught with risk.... so there have to be self-imposed, mutually agreed guidelines to which both parties agree....
And human emotions being as fragile and fickle as they are, it only takes one tiny incident to shift the whole thing off kilter....
To my mind, the only ones who truly profit are those who seem to have no conscience....They are hell-bent on personal gratification and enjoyment, and are either ignorant or careless of the emotions of others....
When working in association with a Relationships Counselling Body, I encountered couples who had dabbled in such things, either by experimenting, or through long-term involvement....
I never met a happy one....

It is a temporary fix for many, and a long-term enjoyable and gratifying 'hobby' for very few...

Who is defined as a swinger? I searched and reached a forum of swingers. There was all talk of sex. Can anybody help me?

A swinger is basically someone who attends a "partner-swopping" party...
These people, (usually married, but also just dating)attend with their consentiln partner, annd they engage in casual sex with another person....
they are sometimes observed by their proper partner, or sometimes they engage in a threesome, or sometimes they go off and 'do their own thing'...
Neither of them regards it as infidelity....

If these people are called swingers than they would not even know what is happiness.

I've got a swing in my yard, it keeps me happy for hours on end, much better than all that pervy stuff (no offence). Then again, no, forget this.

actually familychoice - I'm entirely with you on this one - !! <img src="/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I'm sure part of the thrill of swinging is that culturally we're brought up (for the most part) to believe in monogamy and fidelity and the fact that it is considered taboo makes it attractive to some. Many people cannot disconnect love from physical sex and that's where many of the issues come in.

Do you consider an open marriage the same as a swinging? Why or why not?

An 'open' marriage is not quite the same as "swinging" because an open marriage does not always involve both partners simultaneously, or having threesomes...
I knew a couple who were in an open marriage, but the thought of swinging with other couples did not appeal to them....they preferred to go their own way, and keep it third-person distant from each other....

Swingers always belong in an open marriage...
open marriages do not always swing.

It's all swings and roundabouts.

Okay, if a person is happier as a "swinger," what is the point of getting married in the first place?

It depends on what the basis for marriage is, I would think. If marriage is only about monogamous sex then perhaps they shouldn't, but I tend to think marriage has many other factors that make it a desireable state besides that. Shared ideals, companionship, mutual goals, children, and tax exemptions are a few others that come to mind.

Again it boils down to relationships and sex. A marriage is not about sex only. But swingers are focused on sex. Sex gives pleasure. Sex can be addictive. I think that swingers have no values in life other than sexual enjoyment. I wonder what kind of married relationship they will have? Whether they know about love? Please I don't want to offend anyone here, but in my opinion, these swingers are immoral.

This is the degradation of the cultures around the world, where values are getting a beating. The way people use words is shocking. I read a post of a teenage girl where she had used the f word many times in her post and she was saying that she was a shy person! Those who are shy may not use the f word so often in a public forum. No sanctity is left. Relationships are getting out of fashion. No wonder that in this society we hear of child sex, and all that which makes one feel horrible.

Western civilization grew up after industrial revolution. I am not talking in favor or against anyone. But all western civilizations and India as I see it, are going downhill as far as values are concerned. India keeps on producing fake god men and women. Every Indian can become a yoga or meditation teacher. Dr. Chopra is rewriting kamasutra and will make millions. There will be no lawsuit against him, because the original text was written hundreds of year back. He will sell million copies of that book and then give a lecture and probably write a book or two on values.

It is disgusting. Swingers are part of this. Excuse me, if I have hurt anybody. I wonder that girl Kaavya wanted to make money with her book, but was caught. Dr. Chopra will get applauded. Both belong to the same trade. The popularity of porno websites on Internet tells us about what are the priorities in life. The fascination with celebrities tells us the same story. Morals are lost; values have been sold for a penny.

i'm sorry you are incredibly wrong. we have been doing this for a while and have been married for 9 years. it is the best thing ever. what kind of marriage do we have...the best one ever. monogamy for many just isn't realistic or ideal and certainly doesn't make for a happy life. if monogamy is your thing...fine...don't knock our lifestyle or what you don't know about. it's easy to criticise something you have never tried

People who have good commuication with their partners, who are honest and open about both their needs and their wants, and who are willing to work on their relationships are happiest, regardless of whether they are monogamous, swingers, have an open marriage or practice polyamory. Or at least that's what I learned in the three years of sex ed work I did in San Francisco.

What works for someone else may not work for you and vice versa.

we agree with that. to just paint a group of people as immoral is wrong and to question the love they have for each other?

I will think again about what you say.

This is an interesting post. I can't speak for others who are happy with this lifestyle because I have only seen it cause problems.... mainly divorce.

Then again I am just an old fashioned gal who married the man I love and wouldn't think about having sex with another. Just doesn't appeal to me. I suppose if I was unhappy it would.

In my opinion if people feel the need to swing there is something missing from the relationship or they just cant be satisfied sexually with just one partner...I dont understand it and I am so glad that will never be me but its different strokes for different folks!

nikkinast has come out very strongly in favor of swinging. I am rethinking about this. I don't want to make anyone feel bad, but personally the whole idea brings a very bad taste in my mouth. I don't know how to be politically correct, but i feel that one is not valuing one's body when one adopts this kind of lifestyle. For me it isa question of how we are changing values in every sphere of our life and then call them modern. I would request nikkinast to look at all the posts in the thread sex and relationships and give opinion there. we have noo right to call any body immoral, but when we feel very strongly about something, we say that. I did the same mistake.

They may seem happy but are they really? or is it just a mask to hide how unhappy they really are, I personally think if you are in a relationship with somebody you love you don't want to share them.

Some people may interpret that or see that as being controlling. Being married doesn't mean that you take ownership of each other.
If swinging isn't for you, it isn't. I personally never tried it & don't think I would, but the people I have seen & known that have seem to be much more content, happier & affectionate to each other. Most of the people that I know in monogamous relationships within a few years either treat each other like garbage or treat each other like siblings.

Some people may interpret that or see that as being controlling. Being married doesn't mean that you take ownership of each other.
If swinging isn't for you, it isn't. I personally never tried it & don't think I would, but the people I have seen & known that have seem to be much more content, happier & affectionate to each other. Most of the people that I know in monogamous relationships within a few years either treat each other like garbage or treat each other like siblings.

oops sorry didn't mean to double post

I stayed away from this post to begin with, because I am very ashamed of my past experience in dealing with this issue.

But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that maybe someone else could benefit from my mistake. I just got through posting about pronography in marriage as well - which is how my 1st husband and I got started in this whole "swingers" mess. Notice I say first husband, because our marriage did not last. I won't say that swinging is what destroyed it or pornography; it was our issues. But the fact that we were willing to use these means to escape our real problems should have been a neon sign to us!

We were both very young, and I had been the victim of a rape just prior to meeting my husband - so was not realy dealing well with the whole sex thing to begin with. I did not react like most women though; instead of being turned off by sex - I kind of went crazy about it. I had lost my virginity to my rapist, and my answer to that was, "well, what the heck now?"

My husband (like many men) really wanted to be with 2 women, but thought it would appeal to me more to be with 2 men to begin with and then he could "work up" to me being with another woman. Or just couple swapping period. The problem was he didn't realize how jealous he would become over the whole matter, and how addicted I would become.

It eventually led to affairs on both sides (this was only about 2 years into our marriage). We finally both stopped, had some "counseling". And I thought all was well. We became pregnant with our second child, and eventually I became a Christian. Unfortunately he met a woman at his workplace that he wanted to be with more than me. So our marriage ended.

As I said in my post on the other thread - this is a very abbreviated version of a painful and shameful time in my life. I have never talked to anyone who has been in "swinging" for very long, that it has not wound up ruining their relationship. Trust breaks down eventually. It always winds up not being enough for one partner r another. This is just my experience, and those of others I have spoken with; but they are many.

If you are considering this; think long and hard about it, and ask yourself "what exactly am I looking for out of this?" Because if it is just a thrill; then you need to find those within your own marriage bed, or risk burning it. <img src="/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

I have a question. what about Sexualy transmited disease? pregence? how can you know for sure who gave you the disease or got you pregent? how would you husband react to you getting pregent? condoms are not fool proof and neither is birth control pills, patches, or rings.... what would you do?

You have raised a very valid point.

We were lucky in that none of that ever came up.

But the emotional scars left behind were plenty real enough to deal with on their own. And they lasted for 8 years.

Although a child would have been a hardship, at least a life would have been something good to come out of it. As it was we had nothing good, only spite and resentment.

All of us are in search of joy. Our journey on this earth completes with that joy. What all we do is to get joy. But all these small joys don't fulfill us.

One should learn to forgive oneself and others for whatever happened. When we don't forgive ourselves, we feel th pain all the time. Please be compassionate towards yourself.

My first marriage was an open one. It was the 70s and I was pretty inexperienced sexually. We were part of a large group of friends who slept with each other. Although I did learn alot about sex and my own body and self, it was not ultimately good for our marriage. I wish I had just stayed single and dated more before settling down. Affairs and other sexual encounters strike me to be more about self affirmation... that I was sexy, attractive, had "it", had the power to make men want to go to bed with me. Not high aspirations on reflection. Now, many years later living in a monogamous marriage, sex is about personal- but also mutual- pleasure and building each other up. Growing up isn't all bad, y'know.

Not sure if you will het this BUT.

My BF and i have been together for almost 2 years. (READ my post, CONFUSED BY LOVE)...

Anyway, we were into swinging BUT after you read my post. You will see that in some cases it just doeant work for everyone. We did something involving an old friend of his WHOM he had been involved with (SEXUALLY ONLY) prior to meeting me. NOW, i cant seem to rid myself of this girl.

I think everybody makes great & valid points here. The couples that can swing and still make their relationship work are the ones who have a great deal of open communication with each other, are able to address all the potential consequences before they even participate in this activity(having hindsight), and have the ability to agree whole heartedly on a compromise as to how to deal with those consequences if & when they occur. I like to think that most people are capable enough of doing this. If they aren't capable of this, then they probably shouldn't be in a relationship with each other in the first place.

I am old fashion. Swingers open marriages what ever. I can not see how they are happy. I am like familychoice a swing belongs in the back yard and give me an open check any day.

I don't think it has anything to do with being old fashion or not. Swingers existed for many years now, especially during the sexual revolution of the 60's & 70's.
I personally don't know or not if I could do it, especially if a coupke has kids. You would have to be extremely discreet about it if the couple had kids.
Since I don't have kids, I would probably be open to discuss it with my girlfriend if she was considering it, but I would let her bring it up first.
I wouldn't mind the idea of her being with another girl as long as she was a real close longtime friend of hers.
I don't like the idea of going out to scout for some random girl.
I'm can't stand double standards but I have to admit that I would have a hard time if she wanted to swing with another guy whether he was a close longtime friend or not.
Again, I have met people who have been swinging for years. I know a couple who has been married for over 20 years & claim that swinging helped save their marriage.
This can be debated forever.

I have a question.. wouldnt you be Jelous if your girlfriend started haveing sex with a close friend? I would be hurt if my hubby even thought about haveing sex with his best friend!!! but maybe its just me?

Call me old fashion. Two people marry because they love each other. They do not need to swap etc.

I'm not really a jealous person, but I'm also not a swinger. If I were a swinger, jealousy wouldn't be an issue obviously, so I would rather have her sleep with a friend of mine (preferably a friend that I have known for a long time) than some strange guy who you don't know anything about. And as long as it wasn't done behind my back. It would have to be something that was discussed by everyone involved where agreements & compromises are decided before the sex even occurs.

Again, it has nothing to do with being old fashion. Swinging has existed since the dawn of man.

There are many couples and marriages out there that don't swing who don't love each other.

There are couples who have done swinging where it has caused the relationship to breakdown & fail, there are couples whose swinging have enhanced their sex life resulting in a saved marriage or relationship, and there are couples who swing for no particular purpose because it's no big deal to them & they enjoy it.
All these instances exist, so we shouldn't & really cannot pass judgement. And because of this, the "one size fits all" opinion is not a valid one. But you are certainly entitled to it.

My opinion is it is okay to swing but not within marriage.If people want to do that sort of thing fine but thay should not marry.

Marriage means commiting yourself to one partner and if they cant do that that is okay but dont marry because it cheapens marriage.Marriage is to sacred to bring something like swinging into it.

Marriage as defined in the traditional sense, yes.
BUT 2 people who are married have the right to redefine the meaning of their marriage, because it's their marriage.

My issue with & question to swingers is that I think it would only be a risky & sensitive issue when you have kids involved. How can you have childern (who take up most of your time), find time to swing, and be so discreet about it to not burden your kids with the mental & emotional confusion they could endure if they found out?

[color:"purple"] People have thier own views on what does or does not work for them. My husband and i are into alternate lifestyles, as most would define. We swing, as we define it. But with other men, not women. we don't do casual sex as its said. we get to know the person more. my husband has no desire to go with other women, and is bi, so it fits our bill. we have been married 2 years, but togehter for 8. again, it works for us. YMMV
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[color:"purple"] Nikkinast i applaud you. You are so right. my husband and i have been married 2 years, together 8. We don't 'swing' in the normal sense with couples, but just with men.
i thought i'd written a post but must have done something wrong, as i didn't see it, so i'll end there. anyone interested in more PM me or say Hi. and i don't mean i'm trolling ok!
why is WIITWD, in any sense of the word, wrong?what works for one might not work for another. but why is it WRONG?
why are people SO judgemental. I'm in a psych human sexuality course. its funny when some things come up. mainly younger kids, but also its on a AFB and so a lot of the people are airmen. people just aren't openminded in general i think. The teacher is an ordaned minister, has degrees in counceling, psych, ministry and a few others. talk about an open mind! i mean the bible is full of sex and debauchary. REad the song of solomon. lots of gay references also. i mean she mentioned that the word homoxexual wasn't even IN the bible till WE put it there in 1947! so,,,,,

the one thing my son loved about me was that he could also talke to me about anything and he knew he'd get an unbiased answer. or his friends. he'll make up his mind on things, whatever they are, and i can't do it for him. Values are what YOU are comfortable with. not your neighbor, not the state not whomever.
ok. tirade over.
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How old is your son? Does he live with you?

Why would there be mental and emotional confusion for the child? after all there is nothing wrong is there? <img src="/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

noooo, my son is now 21. this is my second husband i'm talking about, not my sons father. sorry for the confusion. i was a single mother.

[color:"purple"] i think about all i can say here is... why????
that is what You think, sure. but not everyone thinks the same way. I'm in a psych sexuality course and its amazing to me the steriotypes that still exist. like women drivers are worse, women shop all the time etc.
We have grown up believing that sex is one way or not. usually because of our religious backgrounds. yet its produced many women that are afraid to say they can't orgasm too. so not everything is always perfect and square even if we want it to be.
the biggest thing i wish anyone could do is to have an open mind. its not WRONG, its wrong for YOU.
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[color:"purple"] I just wanted to say there is nothing wrong with our relationship. We are completely sexually compatable and totally satisfy each other! in fact it is because of my husband that i can orgasm besides by my own hand per se. i now am multi orgasmic, and to tell the truth, he is also. no its not something that you learn overnight.
long story short, he is bi. and i personally enjoy having two men <img src="/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> and enjoy the pleasure it give my husband also. WE don't pick people up in bars for heavans sakes! we don't have kids in the house, and are not jealous people. we talked about this alot and came up with rules and such. No i wouldn't go into this without a solid background with your spouse. if you don't communicate completely, forget it.
yes, we've found some immature people along the way. they're outttt of here!
our goal is to find one or two people that we can associate with on a more permenant basis. otherwise imho it IS just F**** and, no, that isn't what we're looking for. BUT to someone else that might be different.
as long as YOU two know whats going on. talk talk talk!
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you and your husband seem happy and you are not hurting anyone so if that is what it takes to make yur marriage work then that is a good thing for you two.
I guess alot of people dont understand because it is not the norm.

[color:"purple"] it is true that what isn't the 'norm' most people just concider wrong or whatever.its funny in our psych sexuality course how many misnomers are out there. how many sterioutypes people have and what they think when corrected or ideas have changed. i just find it ammusing. <img src="/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
I appreicate your open mind. thank you.
Hope everyone has a great labour day, if you're in the US anyway.
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I have always been an open minded person and I hope you dont think I was being judgemental and I am sorry If I came across that way as I never want to appear that way.I get enough flack from people because I am childfree !lol....

I think the swinger lifestyle is just more suitable for some than others. I personally have a hard time being myself when I'm dating a girl who acts very reserved and frigid about sex & any kind of sexual expression. It makes me feel uncomfortable. Something I learned about myself is that I may not take it as far as swinging, but I am definitely feel more comfortable when I'm in a relationship with a girl who is open-minded and more liberal minded when it comes to sex life.
I always still put a hugh emphasis on getting to know that person first, establishing that deep connection and trust, and also being responsible and clean...disease free. I have an issue wih swingers who show a disregard for that. The ones that don't disregard and do take all the precautions to be clean & responsible about it, I have no issue with.
For example, if I was in a relationship & we considered swinging with a certain person, I would personally have to require all 3 of us to go to the doctor together and take the STD/AIDs together in order to even consider it. I would have to hear it out of the doctor's mouth in person that everybody is clean & disease free.
Now how many swingers actually would or do show that much responsibilty? I would guess very few

I agree with you. Every body should get checked.

Because they don't care about the other person. It's easy to be happy in a relationship and screwing other people when you don't care about anyone else but yourself. Why wouldn't you be happy? It's basically a mini-orgy every day. Who wouldn't like that? If you care about the other person in the relationship, how could you let some other guy run up in her? AND WATCH?!! How could you call some one yours wheneveryone has had her? I couldn't imagine what I'd do if I know a guy who had slept with my significant other and told me about it. These type of relations never last on a long term basis because the fact that you don't care about this person enough to watch them get BUCKED will soon lead to one of you having sex with some one without the other person knowing. Or having sex multiple times with some one when the other doesn't know about anything other than the first mutual encounter between the two couples. Now there is another relationship going on. Feelings being shared. You can't give 100% to your own relationship when you're sharing feelings with someone else. What's to keep you from doing that? You're already doing half the continent anyway. There is no respect in this type of relationship. Don't even think it's as cool as it looks. Know what you're getting yourself into.

[color:"purple"] wow, sounds like somone hit a trigger here. might want to think about your concept of connection and sex and everything. for instance, not everything that turns on one person turns on the next. everyones concept of what is ok in thier relationship is different from anothers. just because it isn't the way YOU view something, doesn't for one min make it wrong.
a lot of swinging can be very symbiotic. and not all swinging is couples. not all is 'anonymous'. my husband and i swing (when is it NOT called swinging btw- when its a continued relationship?) want a more polyandry relationship with another man. not just a one time [censored] em thing.
anyway, off my soap box.
sorry
Flowr [/color] <img src="/images/graemlins/easter.gif" alt="" />

is sharing feelings cheating?

I�ve seen a few programs on the TV about swinging & they all seem to be very happy, but I have my doubts about this, because if you really love someone you why would you want to share them with anyone else, if they had an affair you wouldn�t be to pleased, so where is the line drawn? Or is ok for swinging couples to have affairs.

I can share feelings with anyone. They are called opinions. But when you share sexual feelings you allow some one into an intimate place where there is no gaurd now. You begin to have feelings for this person because you now share that relationship. You just can't shut that off. And if you can, then what of your own relationship. Feelings and emotions are easy to lose control of. It's easy to do. It's human even more. Natural. Human emotions are not to be played with, and swinging is doing just that. Someone's going to get hurt.

That's exactly what I'm saying. How can you have a healthy relationship when you are sharing your partner? They aren't yours if that's the case. Then why be in a relationship? Just be single and do who ever you want. Someones going to get hurt. Mark my words.

Thank you for the insight. I hope that people listen to what you've said and have taken notice of your example. It's not to be taken lightly(Swinging). Someone is going to get hurt.

Thread question: No.

They're overlooking a problem with themselves or the relationship with a temporary fix.

Right. Tolerate evil. Uh-huh. It's a false ideal.

What moral authority do you have to tell people what's right or wrong?

The religion of athiesm?

To put it in terms of being evil is stretching it.
If consenting adults decide to swing within the privacy of their own homes and have thought it through and communicated successfully as to how they are going to deal with the potential consequences if they occur, then I don't really see what's so "evil" about it.
Organized religion is nothing but arrogant, judgemental, and segregates people. I don't think one needs to believe in an organized religion to believe in GOD and therefore doesnt automatically make them aethists either. The bad things that happen in our lives and the bad things people do in their lives are the choices they make. This comes from within not by some tempting force coming from some big red ugly dude with horns. That's simply a cop out and the world would be a better place without the existence of "isms". But this is a whole other conversation so I digress.
I do in fact get angry at the double standards I see in the media:
For example, I was watching The Big Idea with Donny Duetsch where on his show he had polygamists who were consenting adults, NOT the ones in Colorado City Utah who abuse childern.
Anyway, he was giving the women in the polygamist relationship such a hard time about their choices.
Not even a month later he had Hugh Hefner and his 3 much younger girlfriends on his show, Donny Duetsch did nothing but kiss all their asses for the whole interview.

Agreed on both levels.

I think the spice girls said it best...

"When TWO become ONE!"

Okay.. Sorry.. My girlfriend got me into them. Hey they're right!

Each couple is different and they find out what works out best for them, whether it's swinging or not. The reality is that it's only sex.

Swingers bring down the whole relationship to sex.

My fiance has brought up swinging. I was against it because I like having the intimate relationship with one person and one person only, but he's for it because he says he loves our sex life and would love to experience having sex with other people with me. Like it would be "us" having sex with "them." we talked about it and started to find couples online with whom we could potentially hook up. We talked about it and started to find couples online with whom we could potentially hook up.

After a couple conversations I found between my fiance and other women, I got really uneasy with the whole idea. Even though he says he'd never cheat, I am still very confused about whether or not this person is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. I know this sounds like cold feet, as the wedding is only 3 months away. But i'm in a serious crisis and do not have a clue what to do.

It's like my fiance has two distinct sides, only one of which I love with all my heart. The side I love is a gentle, compassionate, intelligent man who is the best life partner I could ever have. We practically fell in love within a week of meeting, and found the soulmate we had been searching. We are best friends, and we have a great life ahead of us.

The side I don't like is the guy who goes online to get girls to send him pictures, poses as me online and emails girls saying that i want them to join me and my boyfriend, and talks about previous encounters with sexual partners. This online guy makes me sick.

So my fiance says that he would give up fooling around online if it means I stay with him and we get married. And i know this would seem great, and exactly what i want. But i'm still hesitant because i know that he will be wanting to do all that stuff, so it just stinks that i know he'll still want it and it will be on the back of his mind all the time.

Are all the good things I love about my fiance enough to outweigh the creepy online guy side he has? would him giving up fooling around online really be enough to make this work? would he really be able to give it up in the long run, or is he just saying this right now so that we will get married? am i going to be worried about my fiance's online habits for the rest of our lives, and would i want to spend that much energy worrying about it?

PLEASE, any feedback would be really great.

your fiance is addicted to sex. You will not have a peaceful life with him. I have read your post in detail and I strongly feel that before you marry, you must think hundred times. My advice- please do not marry this man.

I have nothing against couples who are swingers, and I would be careful as to go as far and call him and addict. Many people mistaken addiction with curiosity when it comes to things like this.

I personally don't like his approach online. I think it's childish and deceptive. He's playing to one of the main double standards in society...that people are more receptive and trustworthy of women than men, so that's why he's doing it that way.

The fact of the matter is, is that you both are NOT on the same page with each other when it comes to this. Both parties have to be on the same page, and be involved equally with the whole process from looking for mates to the actual sex. If you know in your heart that you could never feel 100% comfortable with swinging and yet he keeps pressing the issue, then find a new man. It's comes down to respect.

You need to seriously consider if this is the man you want to be with, and he needs to seriously have more consideration about what you are & are not comfortable with.

In a relationship both of you must be willing to openly communicate. And you have to be able to compromise everything but your values and integrity.

I personally think that swinging is very unethical, immoral and wrong. i am not in any position to do anything, but i think that the right to swing is wrong. I know that I may get bombarded, but I must call a wrong a wrong. That is my personal opinion.

Then don't do it yourself. You're entitled to your opinion, but you really have a responsibilty NOT to impose judgement & tell people that are involved in swinging that it's "wrong".
If it's something that works for their relationship and what they do behind closed doors has nothing to do with you, therefore using the term "wrong" is clearly subjective & judgemental when it comes to their sexual behavior that you are not even involved with.

Swinging is not right or wrong. Some couples it may benefit, some it may be too risky in causing a rift in the relationship. Both results have occurred with several couples throughout time and space, so it isn't practical or sensible to think of it as a cut & dry behavior one way or the other.

It never seizes to amaze me how people are so quick to impose such huge morality judgements to sex & sexual issues, than we actually do with issues involving violence.

For example, I overheard a parent say that her 10-11 year daughter was interested in watching James Bond movies. Both parents stated that they didn't think it was a good idea to let their daughter watch James Bond movies yet, because of the "sex scenes."

I thought to myself...every James Bond movie is the same:
Each one involves a "sex scene" that shows a little art of seduction, kissing, and heavy petting ONLY. This scene typically only lasts 3-5 minutes in just about every James Bond movie. Almost the rest of the movie is violence...fighting and shooting, and these parents are worried about their daughter seeing 3-5 mins of kissing and heavy petting.

This is what I'm talking about people. We have our priorities all screwed up. Especially when it comes to something as natural & God giving as sex and human sexuality. These repressive attitudes and the overlook of violence is one of the biggest reasons why most women have a hard time achieving an orgasm until much later in life if they ever achieve it at all, it's one of the biggest reasons why husbands and wives don't know how to satisfy each other in bed resulting in an unfulfilling sex life, it's the one of the biggest reasons why we have a big problem with sexual predators, priests molesting childern, etc, etc, etc...

In an open forum, an opinion can always be given. that is one of the objectives of a forum. If you do not want to hear a dissenting voice, you should better avoid forums. No discussion can take place if every participant has ditto views. I hope that you comprehend what I say. An opinion is not imposing one's views. to impose your views on anybody, you need power over that person.

It is important to remember also that this is truly an open forum, and all the better for it. CDMohatta is not only a gentleman, but he also hails from another country, and practises hinduism. There is a great deal of cultural diversity and custom at play, and it is worthwhile seeking the delights of such differences and treating them with courtesy and understanding. There is much to be learned by all concerned, and going on the defence and justifying one's stance and opinion in a hostile manner, is not constructive.
I think the main reason, as I see it, that CDMohatta comes onto this forum, is to benefit from the Western mind-set, and to be influenced by the good he finds here. he is always interested in joining in, even if some of the concepts are so odd to him, as to be virtually humanly alien.
I think he's just trying to get his head wrapped around it all, because from what I can gather, life where he is, is extremely different..... to say the least.

Pardon me.

Thank you all for your indulgence.

I am from the Western "civilization" and I am of the same mind set as you.
What we are seeing is an unraveling of civility.

What it boils down to is RESPECT. One must first have:
1) Self-RESPECT -- the respect for one's self, which when one looks around is certainly not apparent. I believe that many people have no idea what that means, their definition of self-respect is skewed, and therefore;
2) RESPECT for others -- is almost non-existant. We live in a selfish, materialistic, narsissistic world with not enough of the majority to make a difference.
It is all very frustrating.
It is all very sad.

Sweetie,
It's not the swinging that's bothering me as much as how he is going about it -- this is suppose to be a happy time for you! Your partner, the one that you agreed to marry ought to make you feel happy, ought to support you and be open with you!
If you are questionning his motives or even worse, if you are feeling bad,
RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN AND DO NOT LOOK BACK!
BELIEVE me, there is someone who is more worthy of you and who will make you feel GOOD about yourself, not bad.
I know that you want to be married, but be careful for what you ask. You don't just want a "husband", you want a friend and a lover.
Don't compromise just for the sake of wearing a white gown and having a wedding, my goodness, it is a huge commitment and you are heading for very unhappy times. PLEASE, please, please, think about it. Talk to a counsellor, a clergyman, rabbi, mentor, whomever! But please do not marry this guy. He is not ready and I don't want you to end up hurt. You deserve the best.
He is not for you. Sorry to be so blunt.