I stayed away from this post to begin with, because I am very ashamed of my past experience in dealing with this issue.
But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that maybe someone else could benefit from my mistake. I just got through posting about pronography in marriage as well - which is how my 1st husband and I got started in this whole "swingers" mess. Notice I say first husband, because our marriage did not last. I won't say that swinging is what destroyed it or pornography; it was our issues. But the fact that we were willing to use these means to escape our real problems should have been a neon sign to us!
We were both very young, and I had been the victim of a rape just prior to meeting my husband - so was not realy dealing well with the whole sex thing to begin with. I did not react like most women though; instead of being turned off by sex - I kind of went crazy about it. I had lost my virginity to my rapist, and my answer to that was, "well, what the heck now?"
My husband (like many men) really wanted to be with 2 women, but thought it would appeal to me more to be with 2 men to begin with and then he could "work up" to me being with another woman. Or just couple swapping period. The problem was he didn't realize how jealous he would become over the whole matter, and how addicted I would become.
It eventually led to affairs on both sides (this was only about 2 years into our marriage). We finally both stopped, had some "counseling". And I thought all was well. We became pregnant with our second child, and eventually I became a Christian. Unfortunately he met a woman at his workplace that he wanted to be with more than me. So our marriage ended.
As I said in my post on the other thread - this is a very abbreviated version of a painful and shameful time in my life. I have never talked to anyone who has been in "swinging" for very long, that it has not wound up ruining their relationship. Trust breaks down eventually. It always winds up not being enough for one partner r another. This is just my experience, and those of others I have spoken with; but they are many.
If you are considering this; think long and hard about it, and ask yourself "what exactly am I looking for out of this?" Because if it is just a thrill; then you need to find those within your own marriage bed, or risk burning it. <img src="/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />