BellaOnline Forums Family Siblings Materialism - reducing shopping to reduce stress

I want to challenge you to stop shopping for one month and spend more time at home with your family.

Take a moment to read my article - Reduce Stress and Build a Happy Family

Do you think shopping will reduce stress in your life, why or why not?

I plan on not shopping for one month single choice
	yes
	no
Votes accepted starting: 04/23/06 09:24 PM You must vote before you can view the results of this poll.

I think shopping increases stress single choice
	yes
	no
Votes accepted starting: 04/23/06 09:24 PM You must vote before you can view the results of this poll.

Shopping gets me very stressed and sometimes quite riled*. Those young men that you used to get in Mr Byrites could be quite cheeky when I payed my monthly visit to buy underpants and socks. I beleive it was my pirate outfit that caused most mirth with these young gentlemen, but, as my mother always used to say "good manners cost nothing"** which is completely true! How often do you go into a shop and ask for a kilo of good manners? You can't! They don't cost anything, so what she said was completely brilliant! Anyway, forget all that, what were we talking about? Oh yes, I agree, it's much less stressful to stay at home and never go shopping (or outside) at all. I'm currently on my 4th year with these undergarments, so anything's possible.

* upset, or a little hot under the collar
** that's true that is

You bring up a good point, negative attitudes of other people. When you are around a lot of stressed out people you will become stressed out. Most of the time people in malls are tired and can't be bothered to be polite and that in itself can cause you to be negative and tired resulting in yelling at your kids.

Does anyone find that they enter a mall or store happy only to find they come out tired and irritated?

I'm always happy, but I do find that even my incredibly good nature can come under strain when I'm laughed at by kids on skateboards and chastised by old ladies when I'm at the mall. I've even stopped wearing the pirate outfit now (apart from the eyepatch. Oh, and the stuffed parrot) but they still give me trouble. I go in calm, but by the time I leave I'm ready to give them a ruddy good punch up the trousers!

Can I ask why you want to draw attention to yourself?

I "like" shopping--window shopping. I'm out and about, walking, taking in the scenery, chatting with new people. I've never found shopping as a stress inducer... well, okay, holiday shopping causes me stress. But generally its great. My kids love it too. They're both "people" people and like to watch the world go by.

Eccentrics do...Isn't he wonderful?

(From the greek, EKKENTROS' = meaning EK - distanced, or out, and KENTROS = Centre, or norm.)

What do you mean? I always try and blend in, it's just that it's full of pirates round here. I stick out like a sore thumb now, in my sensible suit. The revolving bow tie was a touch of genius though.

The part of shopping that causes stress is when you focus on what you don't have, what you want and not what you have. When you spend more money then you have. When you work in order to be able to buy more stuff at the expense of spending quality time with your children. Shopping here and there to get out of the house when your home all the time is not what I am talking about.

Hey I think it's wonderful, he just seems to be upset about the reaction he gets.

I love it really*

*maybe

I don't know about the rest of you, but the pressure to be materialistic is pretty intense where I live. And I'm by no means in a booming metropolis.

If your child does not have outfits that cost XXX amount, your vehicle is over a few years old, and your stroller or other baby gear is not up to a certain standard you're out. No inclusion in mom's activities or playdates.

I enjoy nice things and keep up with the celebrity moms and baby activities along with everybody else. But whether or not a person has the latest gear is not a factor as to whether I like them or want to hang out with them.

I think the feeling of being left out is part of the pressure to shop till you drop.

I agree. I've caught myself buying stuff for my son that is so cool just so he can show his friends "hey look what I got." Only thing is... his friends usually have the same thing or something cooler. Round and Round you go and what do you get for it? Stress

So the question now becomes, does it matter what people think, are we not too old to want to be in the cool and popular group? We are so scrared about being left out and missing out that we forget what we do have and who we have.

What is more important, working your butt off (or making our husbands work longer hours) to keep your kid in outfits that cost XXX or having the security to be able to spend the time with your child?

As for celebrity moms, I can think of a hundred better role models for all mothers out there. Don't be so busy wanting and searching for what others have that you are miss out on what you've already been blessed with.

Hmmmm...celebrity moms. I just wrote an article the other day that discussed how much more down to earth they seem to be these days.

A few of the star moms seem almost domestic compared to the movie stars of say..the 50s and 60s.

Remember the tell all books that Joan Crawford and Betty Davis' children wrote? If they are to be believed, having a movie star mom was pretty rough at times. Proof positive that having loads of material goodies and privilege isn't all that it cracked up to be!

The celebrity moms of today seem rather devoted in comparison and hopefully they are teaching their children some values as well.

We can only hope.

I watched a documentary on the bedrooms that celebrity kids have and it was overboard. John Travolta's kid has 2 huge bedrooms, one decorated with a jet plane as a bed, the other a western theme. Some rap star's 15 year old had a whole mansion of his own fully decorated with outlandish things, like a Gold pool table with a loony toons felt top. Kate and Tom have spend a small fortune on Suri's nursery.

Although parents are not as dismissive, oppressive or just not there as in the 50'60's they are putting alot more emphasis on material things then in the past.

There are some exceptions, but accross the board kids are learning whatever they want mommy & daddy will get it for them.

These celebrities have tonnes of money, should regular families try to outfit their kids in the latest fashion craze just because their favorite celebrity?

I do a lot on baby theme rooms, so I don't think they are bad. A gold pool table? Oh please.

Theme rooms if used properly can be a great conversation starter between a parent and child. A way to build a bond. For instance, if the room was decorated in a jungle theme, mom can point out the animals, birds or whatever and talk to baby about them. Teach them about the rain forest or the ecosystem and just talk...but you can get all that done without spending yourself into the poorhouse!

If you max out the credit cards, you won't have any time to spend relaxing with your child whatsoever!

Exactly. My kids have wonderful theme rooms that I painted myself and had a lot of fun doing it. But they each only have one and very modestly done.

The emphasis on who has what and keeping up with the jones' creates too much stress on the pocketbook for most young families. When you spend everyweek in the mall looking at stuff, you tend to forget what you do have and only concentrate on what you don't.

I found when I stopped shopping so much, stayed home more, turned off the negative stuff I became happier, more content and closer to my kids.

Spring is here!!!! YAAA Time to have a garage sale and get rid of all the stuff my kids don't even look at.

I will not be replacing it.

My son learned a lesson this week on taking care of his stuff. For Christmas he got a Tamagotchi. He had it a week and lost it. He had to earn enough credits in order to get another one - took him 2 months. He had that one less then a week and someone stole it out of his school bag. I did replace this one, first because he didn't ask me to and second because he did put it where we told him to.

Well he had the third one a month and then took it outside and left it on the back bumper of my van. We found it on the Blvd - it was road kill. No more tamagotchi's, whether he works for one or not. I'm done with those dumb things.

Ok, I'll bite what's a tamagotchi? ;-)

A virtual pet... extremly hot last Christmas. The whole city (Calgary) sold out first week of December and no one had any until the end of February. Even then you'd call and when you got to Toys R US there were very few left.

I want to know how any one can afford to keep up with the jones's and why they want to? I buy things like grocerys and gas for my 1995 model car plus my morgage, water, elcetic and other bills and by the time i pay all of that im in the whole by 50 bucks a month. and i have 2 jobs and my husband has 2 also. and when taxes come we scrap by to bay those too. I do have one more question. Why is it that a single women that has 3 or for kids live off walfare and never had a job in her live can have a brand new everything but a family that works scrapes by? no affence intened just wondering why that is?

Priorities I guess. Many of the children in these homes go to school without breakfast in their pajamas because the other stuff is more important.

It's how we prioitize our spending that shows the world where our ideals lie. I live in an affluent upper middle class neighbourhood where everyone strives to be the first on the block with the best everything. Many if not all of us are in debt, some more than others.

I fear for the economy in the next 5 years. How can an economy continue to grow when it has more debt than savings, it is in essence bankrupt, it just doesn't know it yet. As intrest rates and gas prices continue to go up the economy will find itself in a pickle.

To ensure you are not a victim, ensure your savings are more than your debt. To do this we must live within our means and we must save before we purchase.

I started working part time in retail to make some extra money and I cannot believe the amount of people who drag their kids along for hours while they spend their money on stuff. The amount of stuff that goes out the door is millions of dollars a month.

Take a look at your budget, are you working for stuff or for your children?
Working Mothers, Can you stay home?

To kill a couple of hours my husband and I went to the mall, my mom needed some cold fx so we went to Zellers.

I saw the cutest little Dora gardening set for little girls. I almost bought it, it was $25.00 Cdn so I didn't and I'm glad because she really didn't need them and would of just dug up my flowers with the shovel.

I love my kids and I would do anything for them. However I believe they need me more than a big screen TV or Dora gardening supplies or CDs etc. I'm glad I've been home for 4 years. It's been hard, I'm not at all domestic but I've found other outlets and made some cash in the process.

Since starting to work at Home Depot I have all of a sudden wanted to redo a lot of areas in my home. I was happy with everything before then. Now I want the Granite countertop, a deck (we've been here 6 yrs. & still no deck), a hot tub, a screen door, cupboards for the basement, a jetted tub, and on and on and on........

Oh yes, Home Depot ... Once we bought a house that became the place we spent the most time. I finally put my foot down and decided that enough was enough. I'm going to live here until I die or can't pay the mortgage anymore and I really don't care if the bathroom or wood panelling is circa 1970. I bought the house because I liked it - why do we feel the need to change it?!?! It's very easy to get caught up in the materialism, upgrading, & outdoing. Now if we want to do something we find a way to reuse what we already possess to do it or we don't do it. The whole family does a brainstorming session to come up with ideas and everyone pitches in to help.

We just got back from a week at our family cabin. My parents have updated it since we moved out, their running water is no longer named Shannon and Blake (My Brother) and you don't have to run outside to use the facilities.

But somethings never change!! Although there is now a phone, there still is no cell phone signal. There is electricity but no Cable or reception out there. Not that my mother would ever allow a TV to cross the front door step. No TV means no video games or movies allowed either. Although you could get dial up, there is no computer, a computer would mean computer games.

So what did my kids do -- dance to music, play imaginary games with the few toys they did have, draw, read, and talk. During the good weather they'd be outside enjoying the water and sand.

It was wonderful to watch them play together. My son read and read and read, just finishing grade 1 and reading at a grade 4 level, thanks to weeks like this.

Their behavior was so much better and they were so happy, the love we shared as a family was enriched this week!

I just got my dream job and with it came a really great salary.

The first thing I thought of was I need this, I want that. I don't want to spend all my money on stuff when I could use it for so much more.

My husband will now be able to close up his shop and focus on his career goals and the kids. My first thought was, but then there won't be enough money for the deck, the sunroom, new paint, and on and on and on.....

I should be thrilled that he will focus on the kids and our family while I get to take a turn working outside of the house. My children and their time with us is more important then all the stuff I want.

Throughout North America the economy is in flux, some places are flying high others can't get out of the hole. So when it comes to your children what lesson are you teaching them?

Buy whatever you want.

Those with the most toys win.

Financial Planning to be successful must start at an early age.

Everyday is not Christmas at our house, we have what we need and every once in awhile indulge and buy an unnecessary item from our wish list.

Christmas is right around the corner, do you have a budget in mind or do you shop and get everything you want to give and think about how to pay for it later?