BellaOnline Forums Family Moms Protectiveness

How do moms find the right level of protectiveness vs smothering for their kids? On one hand I like to go out hiking and biking with my son a lot, and if he gets a scrape it doesn't bother me.

But on the other hand, when I go to a friend's house, their one year old is climbing on things and falling head-first off the sofa. I'm diving to catch her and they just watch. When the kid falls and skins her knee, I would be likely to pick her up and say "Ah, it's ok, let's go play" but they just look over and say, "Stand on back up, you didn't get hurt."

So I'm sure it's just different degrees, but to me it seems like an important line. Maybe someone else would think I'm not being cuddling enough when my own son gets scraped on a bike trip ...

Lisa,

My children seem be to the ones with that make the "choice". I have learned with my daughter (18 months) that if I cuddle to much after a fall she gets mad. She would rather come to me to kiss her boo-boo and then off she goes. If I go to her it upsets her more. My son (6 y/o) on the other hand wants you to love him, and cuddle on him, but don't ever touch the sore. Each are very different but I want them to know the difference between a big hurt and a little bump. Then again each parent is different, my M-I-L still treats my husband, an only child, as a baby still living at home when we go over and he has a new bump or scrape from work, my mom however would pick me up and say it's ok and send me on my way, and I was the youngest of four girls. It all depends on the mom/dad and the child. Everyone is different.

Hope to hear from you soon. <img src="/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Danielle
Moms Host

I suppose that's true, I know my sister is in her 30s and still has trouble with her MiL because she doesn't baby her husband enough. Her MiL is unhappy because the husband doesn't just come home from work, plunk on the chair and call for his pipe and slippers while she runs around making him dinner and tending to his needs. He actually *gasp* shares in the chores!

I think parents who are too coddling are doing their kids a disservice, because it's usually unlikely the child will find a partner that will be fond of continuing the 'mothering' <img src="/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I agree. I think that it depends on the child. My oldest son (8) breaks down at the thought of falling. My youngest son (5) is so rough. He lives on the edge everyday. As a result, I know that I have to cuddle the oldest and send my youngest on his way.

I have a 5 month old little girl. I wonder how she's going to be.... <img src="/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I just think everyone has their own way of handling it. I am similiar to you in that I don't freak out of my kids get hurt. The big joke in our house is "If Mommy doesn't see blood, then it's nothing to cry about!" <img src="/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

From the time my kids were small, I would wait and see their reaction first before I ran to them after a tumble. If they didn't cry or seem to be too hurt, I would let them deal with the injury on their own. Maybe that seems cruel to some, but with my kids, if I made a big fuss over it, so would they. Kids sometimes feed off the reaction they get from others.

I have a friend who runs and cuddles her son every time he gets a bump or a scrape. And that's fine...he is the type of kid who needs that comforting. Mine don't. Everyone is different, I guess.

I think it differs and I let her decide if she needs cuddling or reassurance or whatever. I never say, oh you're not hurt get up,,etc.. I always ask if shes ok, and if she needs a hug or a kiss. I value her feelings and would never discount them by telling her shes not hurt or should'nt be crying.. I would'nt want somone telling me how I should feel. I also dont want to teach her that I'm not there for her, or that she cant come to me with a problem, or cant trust me.

I was raised in a family with six children and I am the oldest. I think I became sort of "desensitized" as I watched (and was held responsible for) my siblings falls, scrapes, tumbles, stitches, etc. We were blessed to not experience any broken bones or serious injury until everyone had reached college age!

With my own son, I was at first WAY too protective. He is only nine now, but I have to stand on myself to give him the independence he is needing to gain a better knowledge of himself, the world and who he is developing to be. I am also blessed that he is still a "huggy, kissy" boy (though JUST when he and Mom are alone).

We have a set schedule for school days, weekends and summer days with his "free" time built in. I follow the same rule as above - if I don't see blood, I don't get too excited! But, if he comes home right after the incident rather than waiting to tell me at the end of the day - he gets a little extra lovin'!

Kitty

That's a very good point, that I hadn't really thought of. If the kid is in essence saying "I'm upset, I think I'm hurt" and the parent says "Stop that, you're not hurt" it's sort of saying "You don't know what you feel, I will tell you what you feel." Wouldn't that make the child a bit more hesitant to say something the next time they think they're hurt?