BellaOnline Forums Relationships Bereavement Thinking of you JenM

Wondering how you are doing, and if you've had any news on your brother's death situation?

I am here if you want to talk.

Corinne

I'm so sorry I didn't answer you sooner! I've been just...well, grieving...lol.

No, we haven't heard anything yet. I am getting so frustrated with this whole thing! It's been almost 2 full months since he passed away and not a peep. I did get a letter about 2 weeks ago from the State Police Department in our capitol. The letter stated that I was not allowed to have a copy of the investigation report? I was like WHAT? So I called them and spoke to a receptionist and she said that the state trooper that is investigating will not release the criminal investigation report or the pictures until the investigation is closed. I had no idea that it was still even open? So I told her that and she said that, yes, until the trooper gets all his ducks in a row (meaning getting the autopsy report) that he will not release the investigation report either. *Sigh* So not any closer to finding out anything. No death certificate, nothing. The funeral director, who we have became good friends with at this point, stopped by our home yesterday and my husband asked him if there was any news yet and he said no. I guess the ME will not release the death certificate until he finishes the autopsy report.

Other than that, nothing new. Thankfully there haven't been any more deaths recently. I don't think I could handle another one right now.

I do have to handle the ugly task of cleaning out my dad's/brother's home. It was my dad's house and is ours now, but my brother was living there up until he died. I hadn't been able to go there alone until yesterday. It just really creeped me out. But 2 people have been calling me incessantly about buying it, and so I have to get it cleaned out and cleaned. I only stayed for about an hour and got rid of one bag of stuff. It was just too overwhelming and I had to leave. It saddens me a great deal to have to do that. I still have all of my dad's things that he had in my home tucked away in a corner and can't bear to get rid of anything, not even his denture cup! yet. But with his house...it has to be sold, so it has to be dealt with and I am just not ready, I guess.

Other than that, I've just been trying to get back to a normal routine, do some work here and there, read, trying to get back to "normal," whatever that is. I haven't been "normal" in almost 19 months and so I feel that I am a different person and what will be "normal" going forward will not be the "normal" that was before. I hope that makes sense!

Thanks for thinking of me. It's nice to know that people care.

Jennifer,

Do you have to do the cleaning out alone?

I mean is this something you want to do by yourself so you can be alone? Because it seems like it might be easier on you if you had some friends or church members or someone there with you to lean on while going through all of these memories.

When we cleaned out my grandmother's room it was a bunch of us grandkids, and we would remember things together. it made it both harder and easier. We laughed and cried as we would remember different things about different items.

I don't know if this would be the same type of situation or not though. Or if you needed to be by yourself as you sorted through the past and your grief.

{{Hugs}}Michelle

Hi, Michelle.

No, I really don't feel the overwhelming need to be by myself to do it. I just feel this overwhelming need to get it done so I can just be rid of the house and everything that goes with it. Plus, these people won't leave me alone about buying that house! They're driving me nuts!

So I have tried to get my mother to go with me because I don't want to get rid of my brother's stuff; I want her to take it and do with it as she sees fit to do with it, give it away or keep it. But she's putting it off and I totally understand that as well. She said she gets a little "creeped out" thinking about going there, too, and I totally understand that. But she wants to wait until the weather is warm so that we can open the windows and doors while we're there. Plus, it was my father's house and she never visited my brother there because she said she didn't feel "right" about just walking into my dad's house even though he was living with me at the time and she didn't feel "right" going there even after he passed way. Long story behind that, but I can kind of understand that point as well. She just doesn't seem to understand that I NEED to get this done and over with.

Anyway, one of my other brothers is supposed to come down and help me next weekend. And also, I talked to my uncle, my dad's brother, yesterday and he said that he would help me clean out and clean up. I mean I have to get rid of the couch and I can't do that by myself, so I may call on my uncle to help me out at least with that part of it. I just know that other people feel about the same as I do about going in there, and so I don't feel comfortable asking because I don't want to make them uncomfortable...lol! That sounds so silly, but I can't help feeling that way.

Oh, Jen, I feel for you. I went through this with my father's death 5 1/2 years ago and I understand about the timing. Things need to be done but your heart is just not into it. How is it going now? Have you had help getting things cleared out so that you can sell the house? I STILL have my father's denture cup and dentures! Getting rid of the large pieces of furniture should not be too hard. I know with all the emotional stress it seems hard to make decisions or see easy alternatives.

Please let me know how you are. You are in my prayers. May God continue to give you strength and cheer to complete your task. <img src="/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Bless you.

Trish