This was forwarded to me of course....
[color:"blue"]My heartfelt appreciation goes out to all of you who have taken the time and trouble to send me "forwards" over the past 12 months. 2005 has been life-changing for me and I have you all to thank. I had many New Year's resolutions last year that I have faithfully kept.
Extra thanks goes to whoever sent me the e-mail about the rat feces in the glue on envelopes, because I now use a wet sponge to seal my envelopes. You probably saved my life. I am not sure about the glue in stamps...
I also scrub the top of every can I open, thanks to an e-mail from one of you telling of e-coli, anthrax and other WMD found on cans. Probably more rat poop,too.
I now wash eggs due to the potential of bird-flu being carried on the egg shell. Probably salmonella,too, if you think about it.
Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola, because it can remove toilet stains and strip paint. Pity.
I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.
I no longer use toilets on planes as horrible stories have been told about these pressurized torture chambers. Flying more than 4 hours is pretty tough on me.
I no longer check the coin return on pay phones, because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS. I really don't know who uses pay phones anymore anyway as they are full of germs.
I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants or toothpaste, even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day and my teeth are a mossy color.But I am cancer free and organic.
I no longer go to shopping malls, because someone might drug me with a perfume sample and rob me, especially if I am parked next to a van.
I only use the speaker phone on my cell phones due to the threat of brain cancer. Mircrowaves are pretty scary these days,too.
I no longer eat KFC because their "chickens" are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.
I don't eat at Wendy's as they put fingers in their chili.
I no longer have to buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus, since one of you sent me their secret recipe in an e-mail.
Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.I have been pretty busy with all this and no longer have a job, but I am protected as long as the power does not fail.I no longer worry about my soul, because at last count I have 363,214 angels watching over me.
I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special email program.
I want to thank you so much for looking out for me and emailing me daily. Basically I am poor and living on M&M's and filtered water (I pick out the red and blue M&M's as they cause cancer in some rats--thanks for that info as well).
I look like a super-model on meth with B.O.
Now I would like to return the favor. If you don't send this e-mail to at least 1,000 people in the next 7 minutes, you can expect problems---really bad things--- of unknown sources to occur by 9pm CST. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's, ex-mother-in-law's, second husband's, cousin's beautician.
Please don't stop this chain email....OR ELSE.[/color]
