BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Relationship Death by Baby Bomb?

Hi everyone. May a newbie guy ask for opinions?

BACKGROUND: She (girlfriend) CRAVES a baby. I have no desire to reproduce. None. Zero. Zip. Nada. I'm trying to be loving, tender and be still logical. As I see it we have three choices: 1) she gets used to the idea of a CF life ("I would despise you forever" says she, but then is quick to add "I want a ring for Christmas"), 2) I get used to the idea of being a dad in just a couple years (as she says "suck it up and be happy"), or 3) we part ways.

QUESTION: Is there an option I'm missing?

I have a growing worry about "being tricked" (you know what I mean), so the Baby Bomb is going to go <BOOM> very soon, I suspect.

Well I guess it depends on her age. I'm 30 and married for 4years now and I thought I always wanted a kid that was the plan get married and eventually have a kid. Well we got married and over the past 4 years we have enjoyed our free time and money! We're not totally dismissing the idea but right now we both are very happy not having kids and possible not ever having kids. I think we are just all programed by society to marry and have kids so that is what we think we are suppose to do but now a days we don't have to have kids to be happy in a marriage. Is she dead set on having kids? What are her reasons for having kids? You shouldn't have a kid if that is not what you want same as you can't ask her to not have kids if having them is what she wants. Do Not give her a ring with out this matter agreed upon. But she or you could change their mind or at least find a happy medium! :-)

As heartless as this may sound, I think option three is the way to go. The way I look at it, the decision to have children or not is just as important a criteria for Mr. and Ms. Right than other major factors. If there are differences, there will be difficult conflicts. Being Mr. and Ms. Right is more than just being a decent person. It's also about having desires and dreams compatible with each other.

I would sort this out, pronto.

Don't let her 'oops' you. Then you are stuck for life, whether you stay with her or not. And anyone who would do that to someone else is both selfish and deceitful -- not the ideal partner.

If my partner was inflexible on that point (which is a HUGE one), I'd walk.

You should definitely work this out. I've known several couples who married inspite of their different desires and while they were mostly happy, I know those who wanted children and didn't get them have always regretted that. She might really mean it if she says she would despise you.

Being a parent is a serious responsibility (as is marriage) and shouldn't happen without serious consideration.

On the other hand, if you want to stay in the relationship, you could re-examine your desire to not have kids. My husband never thought of having kids until he met me because of his unhappy childhood. Now we have 2 great sons and he's a very hands on dad.

DO NOT give her a ring! Trust me, figure things out before you even think about getting married. If you think you'll never change your mind about having kids, then you might want to think about option #3...take it from someone who never looked forward to having kids, always thought I would, now I don't want to & hubby does....trust me...IT'S A MESS....you don't want to go through it too!!! <img src="/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Just a BIG BEWARE to Dr. Scooter. Better be careful that your baby-craving girlfriend doesn't "accidentally" OOPS you!!! I have friends who have done that to their partners and it's always a disaster.

Like everyone said, don't her oops you!!! Talk this out now! Do not go into a marriage without talking. Don't have a kid jsut for her, don't have a kid to marry her, don't have one if you don't want one. You'll ruin you life, her life and the kids life.

Sorry but since you both know what you want I think #3 is the only option.

I have to go with #3 as well. There are plenty of women out there who do not want kids. You just have to look for them. Please be careful--it sounds like you are in serious danger of being "oopsed."

RUN LIKE THE WIND!!!! Cut it off now and don't look back. This is not an issue that can be compromised. She will never change your mind and you will never change hers. Even if one of you could, the other one would end up with an awful lot of resentment. Sorry, to say but this is one issue that is a definite deal-breaker! There really is no choice but to end the relationship sooner rather than later.

Just be sure to find a woman who is adamantly CF for your next relationship. Find out very early on while dating if she wants kids...if she does want them, move on! Keep looking until you find your CF Mrs. Right.