BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Relationship Death by Baby Bomb?

I thought an update might be in order.

Despite almost constant careful discussion of the matter, she stormed out last Monday with the parting shot, "You no longer have a place in my life." It would seem the Baby Bomb did, in fact, go <BOOM>.

Thanks to GardenGirl, Happy CF Guy, KidFreeLuvinLife, Juanita, Llamadrama, Lynnk, rmatt, salemsprincess, and West Coast Editor for your kind, thoughtful replies.

Nice guys really do finish dead last . . .

I'm sorry for how you must be feeling right now, but I hope in time you will see this as a blessing. No, REALLY. If she would have had a "birth control malfunction" you'd be having that baby whether you wanted it or not, and then could go on to your new role as "18 years of child support" in her pocket. I don't wish that on you or anyone who has made his stance on parenting so clear. If you had succeeded in staying with her, and getting her to agree to remain CF, her resentment may have (probably would have) grown and broken up your relationship at some point in the future.

I don't think nice guys finish last-dead or otherwise-I think today's "last place" finish is really just tomorrow's victory in disguise.

Dr. Scooter, this is probably not any type of consolation right now, but believe me, you'll be breathing a BIG sigh of relief soon. Mrs. Right for you is going to be as childfree as you are. Stay strong and keep your focus. Now go have yourself a nice BIG slice of that childfree cake of life!

Children are a huge decision in life, so it's good you two part ways because if you stayed together it will come up again, and again.

I cant even go out with a guy who is to into dogs since dogs get on my nerves too. I had a relationship end over a annoying little puppy that I couldnt stand yelping at night when I had to work the next morning. A Kid would be 10 times worse.

Delongcrey, I'm sure the guy and his furbaby are happily doing just fine without you. I'm glad you now do not date men with dogs so more time isn't wasted on you by them.

I am a dogmom and before I married I ALWAYS made sure that any man I dated was accepting of my furbabies right from the start. I really don't understand not getting the "deal breaker questions" out of the way at the very beginning of a relationship. Wanting dogs, not wanting kids, your upcoming move to timbucktoo...if it's something you are unwilling to compromise on, don't enter a relationship with someone who feels oppositely. It saves both parties so much heart ache and "annoyance".

Delongcrey, I would think the relationship would be more likely to end over being with a guy who couldn't get it together enough to train his dog!! I think I'd go nuts.

Dr Scooter, I know your relationship is over now, but I just wanted to add some more options to your list, in case it helps someone else reading this thread.

Option 3b (A twist on option 3): You let her go, therefore allowing her the chance to find a partner willing to father a child. (Subtle difference, but allows for continuing friendship if you wish it.)

Option 4a (If you really love each other and have to be together): There are hundreds of orphaned, abandoned, neglected, and abused children out there. You don't need to bring them home, but if you have a burning need to mother or nurture, volunteering at an orphanage or care centre can fill a gap bigger than the grand canyon. These are children who really need someone to give them a few moments' attention, and a little love and understanding. And this is something that the child-wanting partner can do by themselves, without affecting the other partner or disturbing the relationship. You can fill your need for any age child, from newborn to teen. (The only need it won't fill is the burning desire to be pregnant - I'll come to that.)

Option 4b: Volunteer at a day care centre, or even train for a position at a day care centre, where you will be surrounded by children all day, and get paid for it.

Option 4c: Become a teacher or children's group leader.

Option 4d: Help a friend, sister, cousin with her children. Offer to babysit, or even just accompany her to the supermarket and entertain her baby/toddler/child while she shops in relative peace.

Option 5 (similar to 4a): Sponsor a less-fortunate child, either in your own country, or another country. There are many programmes available to choose from. Many of these send you pictures of "your" child, and possibly letters, reports, etc. You can have a huge impact on someone's wellbeing.

Option 6 (for those women who crave pregnancy): Be a surrogate mother for a couple who can't have children. This is hard, so think carefully. In some cases, you may even be able to continue having contact with the family you help and be able to watch their children grow.


I agree with Kim's comments in her article about this - being tricked into father/motherhood is awful for everyone involved, and not an ideal way to bring a life into the world. There really are other, better, options to forcing someone to meet your needs.

I think you had a near miss - the laws are so biased against men - that she could have become pregnant with another man's child and put your name on the birth certificate - then you'd have to pay the bills for life!