BellaOnline Forums Family Siblings Daycare, should kids be in it?

As you may already know from my bio on the siblings page I ran a dayhome for 3 years. I owned it for 5 years and had a nanny watch the kids for the first 2 years.

I had kids in my care for as little as 2 days (16 hours) a week to 5 days a week (50 hours).

I believe that daycare can be used by families to help socialize their kids and allow mothers to continue their careers.

But how many hours is too many? Do we spend too much time away from our kids for the sake of a career?

Can mothers work a full time job and be good mothers at the same time?

Some kids thrive in daycare, some don't. Some families work better with working parents and others work better with one staying home. Which is best for your child(ren)?

Are your children in Daycare? single choice
	Yes
	No
Votes accepted starting: 10/22/05 09:48 PM You must vote before you can view the results of this poll.

How many days a week are your kids in Daycare? single choice
	0 days a week
	Less than 1 day a week
	1 day a week
	2 days a week
	3 days a week
	4 days a week
	5 days a week
Votes accepted starting: 10/22/05 09:48 PM You must vote before you can view the results of this poll.

I HAD been a completely stay at home mom w/ my kids (14, 8, 2). But as my depression worsened, and as my 2 yr old got ever more curious and adventurous (he has been nicknamed houdini - because he has figured out how to undo all the locks- including deadbolts, and all the safety locks in our house). We decided that he probably needed to be in daycare both for my state of mind (I was becoming horribly paranoid about him, and couldn't sleep for fear of him getting out of the house), and because he needed more "structure" to his day.

Since he's started, he loves it! He's disappointed on Sat. because he doesn't go (Sunday is church-so he sees kids then). And he is So ready for bed at night-time now. (It used to be a huge struggle, with us putting him back to bed 10 - 12 times).

I don't know if we'll continue w/ 5 days a week for longterm, but for right now, it is definitley a good decision.

I am a stay at home mom of 2, my son is a 4 yr old and my daughter is 17 months. My mother did daycare in our home for 20 yrs with the three of us and the 6 state allowed. So I support daycare for parents if you find someone like my mom, a good/ safe caregiver. I wanted to stay home with my kids, so we have watched our pennies and I sell stuff on Ebay to help out. I get people that act like I am crazy because I have a four yr degree and stay home. But I will have it when my kids go to school, if my husband makes me go to work then. I am working on that. <img src="/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I went back to work after my son was born, he was 6 months old. It wasn't all that hard for me at the time. We had a good day home for 6 months and then moved to the other end of the city and found a new dayhome.

Things there did not go so well.... my husband was 1/2 hour late picking him up and found him outside with a 10 year old neighbour kid waiting for him. The dayhome caretaker had gone to dinner with her family. We promptly started looking for a nanny and setting up our own dayhome in our house.

This was a wonderful arrangement because we didn't have to get Carter up in the morning, he's a late sleeper. We also had a small income from it to cover costs of toys, extra playpens, highchairs etc. We also had business deductions on our income taxes.

When Kennedy came along Unemployment insurance lasted a year and by then I was comfortable with staying home and very attached to both my children. I was lucky to be able to take over the dayhome. It was a very interesting experience.

I'm going back to work full time. My husband runs his own auto repair business in our garage so he's home to watch our 3 year old daughter.

I want to put her in daycare, at least 2 times a week so she won't always be in the house by herself.

My husband doesn't agree, he thinks he'll be able to work in the garage and take care of her at the same time. How do I get through to him that this isn't fair to her?

If the concern is whether a few hours of daycare is affordable, perhaps show him on paper that your family can afford it.

Not that it's affordable, once I get work we will both be making a lot of money. He doesn't want her in daycare and he wants to take care of her. Problem is she'll sit in front of the TV the whole time in the house alone while he's in the garage. During his slow time, December & January he'll be with her but when he gets busy again he won't have time for both. He thinks he will though.

That has to be hard. I put my twins in daycare two days a week for 4hrs at a time, just so I can get things done around the house, and have time for me...like shopping, lunch with friends, cleaning...and for them to gain social skills with other kids. I am stay at home mom too, but I will most likely get a part time job once the babies are born and able to go to daycare.

Is there a pre-kindergarden or a preschool your daughter can enroll in...maybe a half day one? Maybe if you convince him it is educational he might budge

Plus, like I said, it wasn't just my depression that led us to putting Seth (2 1/2) in daycare. It was the fact that he is sooooo social, he couldn't stand to be in the house with just mommy all day. He wanted to get out!

now that he's in daycare with other kids and socializing, its great. He gets to play with other kids, learns social skills (that TV, no matter how much they SHOW it, cannot teach it)and just has fun.

I ran a daycare with 11 kids in and outta here all week. She is happier now with more alone time and one friend to play with here and there.

My husband would never get her to pre school. He's freaking because our son was moved up in Karate and now goes twice a week. He doesn't want to have to drop what he's doing to take him.

Shannon, you mentioned somewhere you were going on a shoot. Are you a freelance photographer? Could you adjust your assignments to accomodate the kids' schedules.

My daughter and son-in-law with 3 kids are both teachers at different schools. Their youngest is 2.5 years. On Tues. and Thurs. my son takes him to preschool and on Mon., Wed., Fri. my daughter takes him. Then in the afternoon, my son-in-law gets out first at 2pm so he goes and picks up my grandson and brings him home.

Just an example of sharing the driving around.

Wow Carennedy:

I wish I could say more, that stinks that your husband wont take time out of his day to help with taking your kids to pre-school or that he huffs and puffs about taking your son to Karate practice 2 times a week. I hope he sees that both of these activities will only enhance your childrens personalities and allow them to gain independence. I hope he sees the light soon, and helps you out more!

When my 5 kids were growing up I participated in car pools. Then you don't have as many trips to break up your time.

I can't imagine what my life would have been if I'd had two sets of twins..... My kids are great, they get along amazingly well, barely ever fight and if they do they figure it out soon enough.

I'm hoping to meet someone who lives in our community that goes to the same Karate School. I keep meaning to ask the instructor for names.

I just got a job (3rd offer in 2 months), every time I do my husband finds something wrong with it and says not to take it. It's getting frustrating because I have enough marks against me since I've been out of the work force for 3 years. <img src="/images/graemlins/wall.gif" alt="" />

Photography - I am a photographer and have a job taking photos of schools, sports, and santa. But my husband says it doesn't pay enough and to find a more stable job. He takes care of Kennedy then. He works from home for good coin, but he needs more stability.

I am trying to freelance my photography but it has been very slow going and I don't have all the digital equipment to do it right. First purchase with my first 5K.

I am not sure what it is going to be like with two sets of twins either, I will find out shortly. I am already feelin some added pressure as my belly is getting really big and lacking sleep.

My boys get along pretty well, there are the tiffs, if you call them that they are 2 1/2. But overall they get along and get in trouble together very well.

I wish you luck with the job. I say take the one you feel you will succeed at, if you are really excited about it, maybe your husband will see that it is a great venture for you.With being out of the work force for now 3 years you are lucky to have many offers, I hear that it is hard to come back to the work force after being away for a while, something I fear since I will be out of work at least 1 full year.

I wish you all the luck with your photography. My husbands mom started videography for weddings by asking our friends if she can video their weddings...maybe ask some of your Karate parents and family friends if they would like holiday pictures taken and go from there.

as far as socialization, if that's the only reason someone would put their kids in daycare, i would have to say that's not quite right...there are tons of other ways. If mom/dad wants a break or has to work, that is ok, but I personally dont like to see socialization as an excuse to put a child in daycare.

I homeschool (thus i think the whole socialization thing is a joke) but I am putting my 30 mo old in a 3 hour mom's day out once a week starting next year (if she ever decides to use the potty anywhere except her sister's dance class!). She doesn't need socialization, mom needs a BREAK!!!

meg <img src="/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Here's another good point in regards to daycare.... Do our kids need socialization?

Should kids be exposed to schools or groups of peers?

I can't stress enough the need children have for their parents, both their parents.

Every morning you need to make a choice. Do I love my family enough to put them first? or Do I love things, myself, or society more and put it first?

We only have so much time in our lives how we prioritize says a lot about who we are.

Balance your job with your kids. Job share or work part time. Find a job with a flexible schedule, may pay less but the flexibility to be with your family is worth it.

Stay married, unless your being abused, the most important relationship is that with your husband. It is a hard one and sometimes it would be easiest to just walk away. Don't worry so much about your needs, worry more about the families needs.

There was a local daycare that sent the kids out in -40C, which is about -40F, without shoes on for a fire drill.

In Montreal some daycare operator duct taped a baby to the wall to see if it would stay there.

Any other daycare terrors?

My daughter was outside playing with the dandylions and blowing the seeds everywhere, OK besides the obvious weed problem this is going to create for me, it was sweet because she was making a wish.

Her wish was to have us live with Grandma and Grandpa at the Cabin. I love to listen to their wishes, dreams and prayers. All they ever want is love.

I had a [censored] shift today 10-7. To Early to do anything in the morning and too late to do anything at night. On top of that everyone I helped had a huge issue, I was running non stop most of the day. Now I'm exhausted - too exhasted to play with the kids. I just want them to leave me alone so I can plop down on the couch and watch TV. I'm sure lots of parents feel this way after a hard day at work. So in the end who suffers more?

Ever heard of Dr. James Dobson?

I recently listened to a broadcast through oneplace.com where he talks about daycare.

Well, he doesn't like it and feels that the kids should be at home with the mother.

I don't fully agree with him, I still believe part time daycare can be very beneficial for kids. I also believe that if a parent, either mother or father, can be home part time or work from home sometime that is of benefit too.

While I think some kids love daycare, I don't believe it's the place for them.

However, I've seen some stay at home moms who really do isolate their children. In this case, the children need "more" which usually equals daycare or preschool. My son needed more activities so I enrolled him in gymnastics, swimming lessons, soccer, etc...We go out 5 days a week. Not all day but every morning he has a social activity such as meeting friends at the park, etc...

I was a career woman who had no intentions of staying home. My little one was in daycare from the age of 5 months to 15 months. I know it's okay with some but seeing my child only an hour or two a day (awake) was just not okay with me. It didn't feel right and hurt me down to the core. I went with my instincts and quit. We had to be a bit frugal for me to stay home but we made it work. Luckily, I wasn't making that much as a teacher anyway.

Oh..if you do have to put your child in daycare, I believe there are some good ones out there. You really have to do your research and it's important to limit the hours your child spends there. I worked in childcare through college and I saw some kids who were dropped off at 6:30 in the morning and didn't get picked up until 6pm. I think that's absolutely terrible. Sorry if I've offended anyone.

Jan,

I think your points and concerns are valid, especially when it comes to full time daycare. When I ran my dayhome I had children for 50 hours a week. Considering children need at least 10 hours of sleep a night that's another 70 hours of no time with mommy. Then factor in activities of all family members, errands, making dinner that doesn't leave much time for parent & children.

I feel for these kids when I see that material possessions are more important than family time. It is hard for parents to take a hard look at their priorities and be honest with themselves.

So if families can arrange a schedule that enables the child to only be in daycare part time and share the time they take care of the child, it is the best of both worlds. It enables the mother to have a break and the father to have a closer relationship with their children.

We've gone back and just put Seth in part time now - he's in 3 days a week instead of 5, and most of the time I don't leave him in the full day.

I know it sounds weird, I am homeschooling my oldest (15 w/ Asperger's) my 9 year old is in the public school system, and my 3 year old goes part time to day-care; but it works for us. Because of the high needs of my oldest child, it is very hard to have Seth at home all the time while we are doing school - it is stressful for both Michael and me.

We just have to make sure that our family time is spent wisely when we are all together - not spent on the TV (unless it is like a special event , and we make it a movie night or seomthing), or other things like that. Our weekends seem so short now, because we are always out doing stuff together, but it is better than not doing stuff together!

Carennedy,

Yes, when my son was in daycare I felt like *I* wasn't the one raising him. I agree about looking at your priorities. I know so many people who say, "It's so wonderful that you can afford to stay home."

I MAKE IT HAPPEN!!! Sorry for the caps but when we decided I would stay home, we made changes. We drive older cars. We're moving from Orlando to SC because real estate is so much more affordable there, etc...It's more important for me to be home.

When I was considering quitting, I read an article that I've never been able to find online since. If I could, I'd share it here. It talked about how having a second income actually ends up COSTING some families.

I did the math and realized that I was only bringing home about $5000 a year out of $32000 a year after daycare and work-related costs. Was it worth having my son in daycare for $5000 a year? Certainly not...

Since I've been home, the quality of our life together has been so much better. The "hustle and bustle" of working, picking up kids from daycare, and so forth is over. Now we naturally go through the day in a relaxed manner. <img src="/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Sure, we do activities but it's nothing like how hectic life was when I was working full-time.

I think a lot of parents just accept that hurried pace. I know we did until we experienced life with with just one parent working full-time. We didn't realize how crazy life had been until the chaos subsided.

Michelle,

I think it's great that you're meeting all their individual needs. People always ask me how long I'm going to homeschool my kids. It's going to depend on their needs and wants, so I may end up with one at home and one in school!! We'll just have to see how things go and what the future holds...

I'm fortunate because I got to make a good income and stay home. The tax deductions from the daycare meant I paid little in tax. Now my husband works from home and I am able to go to work. I found a wonderful job that gives me flexible hours and I can work from home on Fridays. When I interviewed for a position at the company I made it clear that my family came first and that flexibility was important. I didn't get that position but I was offered a higher position that gave me everything I wanted. The positions that allow flexibility are out there, it may take a while to find the right one. Took me a long time.

I am happier now than I have been in years. Having my husband home with the kids means I don't have to watch the clock to make sure I pick them up at a certain time.

I know what you mean about the costs of living...

Here is my article on the subject: Working Moms can you afford to stay home with your kids, the real cost of working

so is your name Shannon??

Ya, why????? What did I do now????

I thought your name was Carennedy. I'm confused.

I suppose this question could be applicable to all, but it's not much of or a difficult choice for some. I was a single parent for many years. I "chose" to put my children in daycare because I don't believe in welfare for able-bodied individuals. I was in debt (childcare related) for years after they were old enough not to need daycare anymore. I also left them 10-12 hours/day because it took that long simply to commute in addition to my 8-9 hour work day.

The kids certainly weren't in the "Ritz" of daycares, but they had the most caring individuals I could ever hope for. A decade later my brother has children and my children's former caregivers are now his children's.

I don't regret the choice. My children grew up with caring people who helped me raise them. They still have fond memories of those individuals and my children know & respect my perspectives on welfare and society. It was not necessarily a better life or a worse life - it's a different life. The whole mother/father relationship, stay-at-home parenting is an ideal that isn't one-size-fits-all. It certainly wasn't about money - we had a vegetarian lifestyle because we couldn't afford meat! I washed clothes in the bathtub until my parents gave me a washing machine for my birthday. I could give many more examples, but I think you get the idea.

Every individual is different. Some are driven by money or personal satisfaction. Others are simply trying to survive and not be a burden on society. There are countless reasons someone makes that decision. I don't think an easy yes/no is the answer.

I agree that it's not an easy yes/no answer. However, I have to ask. Did you really bring home much money after paying for childcare and work-related costs? Or did you break even?

I was just about breaking even but even if I wasn't I still didn't feel comfy being away from my kids. But my situation was different because the whole reason I went into teaching was because I loved kids and wanted to be with them. It would only make sense that I'd want to be with my own children as much or even more.

Break even? I could barely make ends meet and didn't always, but I didn't expect the taxpayers to pay my bills so I could sit home with the kids. It was my situation and the onus was on me to deal with it the best way possible. For me, daycare and paying my own bills was the route.

I happen to like kids too - especially my own! Because I put them in daycare somehow means I didn't/don't? Or that I didn't want to be with them? That's a very narrow view of a complex situation.

Oh no..I wasn't trying to sound like that. What I mean is that if you talk to people, a lot of people love their kids but swear they couldn't be with them all day. What I'm saying is that I went into a career that was all about kids. It only made sense for ME to want to stay home.

I'm so committed to staying home that we're moving to another state to keep me home. That kind of thing. I would move into my parents' house if we needed to, etc...I don't mean that I'd go on welfare. I definitely see your point there.

Sorry..wasn't trying to debate you or say that you don't like kids. I was just saying it didn't make sense for me to stay in my 5th grade classroom with other people's children while my infant sat in daycare from 8 to 5 each day. I mean..the whole reason I was teaching was because I wanted to be with kids. That was my point. Sorry if I didn't come across the way I intended it.

P.S. I think our country should make staying home more doable. I can't tell you how many moms I've known who were working just to pay for daycare...Somethings wrong with the system. Also, we need more than 6 weeks maternity leave...

Denise,

I totally understand where you are coming from.

My 2 oldest children are from my 1st marriage, and before I was lucky enough to meet bak up with the man that became my (now) husband; I was a single Mom for a while raising 2 kids. Michael was 8 and Jordan was 1. I had no choice about daycare then either - and I thought it was going to kill me.

I went from being a stay-at-home Mom and wife, to a divorcee' who didn't get to see her kids until 6:00 at night. But, then like I said, I got lucky and was able to remarry. Not everyone is so fortunate.

Yes, I can't imagine going through a divorce now because I'd have to figure out how to bring in about $30,000 a year without going back to teaching full-time. I figure if something were to happen I would go live with my parents in their small home until I could figure things out.

If something were to happen to hubby, we bought mortgage insurance so the house would be totally paid for and I could continue staying home. I'd just have to pay the other bills. The same would be true if something happened to me so he should be able to stay home at least some of the time to homeschool.

It's definitely hard..I just asked because I know when I paid $160 a week I wasn't bringing much of a paycheck home and realized at the end of the year I missed David's first year for absolutely nothing. I was so frustrated by that realization.

Many in North America don't have a choice but to work just so they can get by. In Alberta Welfare is very hard to get and many single moms are in line at soup kitchens because all their money went to rent.

We are lucky in Canada to have more resources for the poor than in the US. We are also fortunate to have paid leave for mothers up to one year. This paid leave can be split with the husband if he wants to stay home for a period of time with the infant as well.

Single parents have it the toughest because they have to work all day, then be the father and mother at home to kids who are tired and lacking many of the necessities they need. It's not out of a lack of love and in these cases quality daycare is your best asset.

I encourage anyone who has a single parent in their families to step up and help out in anyway they can for the sake of the children.

Yes, we joke about moving to Canada!! My son never would have gone to daycare at 4 months if I had been Canadian!! I could have stayed home that whole year with pay. That just blows my mind!!!

Yes, it would be hard to be a single parent, but remember there are alternatives to daycare. Lots of full-time moms (like me) care for children in their home. I would never open a daycare but might take on 1 child if I had a friend who needed childcare..

I am not anti-daycare in general. David's was wonderful but like I said, when I worked in childcare I saw women who brought their kids first thing in the morning and didn't pick them up until dinnertime.

Jan

Yes Canda's social systems are nice but your forgetting something -- our income tax is almost 50% for those earning 50K and over.

In some provinces the sales tax is 21% on everything they buy.

The largest part of our gas prices are taxes.

We work more than half a year for the government, then we start working to pay the bank.

Wow...had no idea! I knew there were more taxes but I didn't realize how much more.

ya, we may have better health care but it is flawed as the waiting lists are long. We pay $88 per month in order to have Provincial Coverage. So it isn't really free.

We get $100 per month for every child under the age of 6 and then depending on how much you make you get money for each kid under the age of 18. If you make little enough they give you another $1000.00 a year to help with child care costs.

I live in Alberta so our taxes are the lowest in Canada thanks to the oil, but still, our education system sucks as there isn't enough money to build schools where needed and the school fees are high. This year for one child I paid $230.00 for lunchroom supervision, not food just supervision, then another $90.00 for school fees and field trips. If I wanted him to get milk it would have been another $110.00. He's only in grade 2, I hear it's worse once they hit grade 6. September gets very expensive for us.