BellaOnline Forums Family Siblings Daycare, should kids be in it?

Ya, why????? What did I do now????

I thought your name was Carennedy. I'm confused.

I suppose this question could be applicable to all, but it's not much of or a difficult choice for some. I was a single parent for many years. I "chose" to put my children in daycare because I don't believe in welfare for able-bodied individuals. I was in debt (childcare related) for years after they were old enough not to need daycare anymore. I also left them 10-12 hours/day because it took that long simply to commute in addition to my 8-9 hour work day.

The kids certainly weren't in the "Ritz" of daycares, but they had the most caring individuals I could ever hope for. A decade later my brother has children and my children's former caregivers are now his children's.

I don't regret the choice. My children grew up with caring people who helped me raise them. They still have fond memories of those individuals and my children know & respect my perspectives on welfare and society. It was not necessarily a better life or a worse life - it's a different life. The whole mother/father relationship, stay-at-home parenting is an ideal that isn't one-size-fits-all. It certainly wasn't about money - we had a vegetarian lifestyle because we couldn't afford meat! I washed clothes in the bathtub until my parents gave me a washing machine for my birthday. I could give many more examples, but I think you get the idea.

Every individual is different. Some are driven by money or personal satisfaction. Others are simply trying to survive and not be a burden on society. There are countless reasons someone makes that decision. I don't think an easy yes/no is the answer.

I agree that it's not an easy yes/no answer. However, I have to ask. Did you really bring home much money after paying for childcare and work-related costs? Or did you break even?

I was just about breaking even but even if I wasn't I still didn't feel comfy being away from my kids. But my situation was different because the whole reason I went into teaching was because I loved kids and wanted to be with them. It would only make sense that I'd want to be with my own children as much or even more.

Break even? I could barely make ends meet and didn't always, but I didn't expect the taxpayers to pay my bills so I could sit home with the kids. It was my situation and the onus was on me to deal with it the best way possible. For me, daycare and paying my own bills was the route.

I happen to like kids too - especially my own! Because I put them in daycare somehow means I didn't/don't? Or that I didn't want to be with them? That's a very narrow view of a complex situation.

Oh no..I wasn't trying to sound like that. What I mean is that if you talk to people, a lot of people love their kids but swear they couldn't be with them all day. What I'm saying is that I went into a career that was all about kids. It only made sense for ME to want to stay home.

I'm so committed to staying home that we're moving to another state to keep me home. That kind of thing. I would move into my parents' house if we needed to, etc...I don't mean that I'd go on welfare. I definitely see your point there.

Sorry..wasn't trying to debate you or say that you don't like kids. I was just saying it didn't make sense for me to stay in my 5th grade classroom with other people's children while my infant sat in daycare from 8 to 5 each day. I mean..the whole reason I was teaching was because I wanted to be with kids. That was my point. Sorry if I didn't come across the way I intended it.

P.S. I think our country should make staying home more doable. I can't tell you how many moms I've known who were working just to pay for daycare...Somethings wrong with the system. Also, we need more than 6 weeks maternity leave...

Denise,

I totally understand where you are coming from.

My 2 oldest children are from my 1st marriage, and before I was lucky enough to meet bak up with the man that became my (now) husband; I was a single Mom for a while raising 2 kids. Michael was 8 and Jordan was 1. I had no choice about daycare then either - and I thought it was going to kill me.

I went from being a stay-at-home Mom and wife, to a divorcee' who didn't get to see her kids until 6:00 at night. But, then like I said, I got lucky and was able to remarry. Not everyone is so fortunate.

Yes, I can't imagine going through a divorce now because I'd have to figure out how to bring in about $30,000 a year without going back to teaching full-time. I figure if something were to happen I would go live with my parents in their small home until I could figure things out.

If something were to happen to hubby, we bought mortgage insurance so the house would be totally paid for and I could continue staying home. I'd just have to pay the other bills. The same would be true if something happened to me so he should be able to stay home at least some of the time to homeschool.

It's definitely hard..I just asked because I know when I paid $160 a week I wasn't bringing much of a paycheck home and realized at the end of the year I missed David's first year for absolutely nothing. I was so frustrated by that realization.

Many in North America don't have a choice but to work just so they can get by. In Alberta Welfare is very hard to get and many single moms are in line at soup kitchens because all their money went to rent.

We are lucky in Canada to have more resources for the poor than in the US. We are also fortunate to have paid leave for mothers up to one year. This paid leave can be split with the husband if he wants to stay home for a period of time with the infant as well.

Single parents have it the toughest because they have to work all day, then be the father and mother at home to kids who are tired and lacking many of the necessities they need. It's not out of a lack of love and in these cases quality daycare is your best asset.

I encourage anyone who has a single parent in their families to step up and help out in anyway they can for the sake of the children.