BellaOnline Forums Relationships Weddings A wedding shower when there is no Wedding

Hello. My Daughter has chosen to have a civil ceremony w/o family. We are taking her and her than to be Husband out for dinnernext night. She wants to know if she can have a shower. I know that usually MOB,family or friend does this.It is a private affair yet she wants to throw her own. HELP. I feel awful there is no one that even knows when they are getting married which is August. Is it possible for her & her fianc <img src="/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> e to hold a "pre nuptials party" and pay for it?Friends at their house for a shower like feeling?

I've done a ton of genealogy research on weddings and having a civil ceremony has been REALLY really common for most people in the past! People rarely had enough money for big weddings - especially during the depression and WW1 and WW2. This whole 'big party' thing was often for people with money - the poor kids would very often elope to spare their families the wasted expense.

In any case, every new couple starting out has always had the support and love of its family and community (well except things like Romeo and Juliet of course)! So perhaps *especially* in cases where the couple didn't burden everyone with the expense of a wedding, the couple would get donations of the things they needed to get their lives going.

I wouldn't make them pay for their own shower. Families nowadays often pay $10k or more for a wedding! And guests can pay $100 or more for presents. The couple is saving everybody all that money. I think having their friends and family get together and hold a shower for them is a quite loving gesture that would help them out a ton.

Hello Lisa,
Thanks for the info. You must know that it is their choice to have it totally private. I would
love to be there with her Aunt and my Husband. The groom said he always thought it should be full wedding or no frills.So the idea that they could throw a party before their nuptials would bring in gifts and much needed BRIDE ATTENTION.
They have been together 7 years so they have a house brand new and she wants to have it there.
Problem is I feel like it is asking people for gifts..$$ which I am all for but I wish I could
do it but it is their private day. I think the
way to do it by calling it our PRE- Nuptial's Blast.I still want her to have a bridal event for just her:(
would bring a wedding excitement to it too.
PS. The other side of the family is not close
so this way it is who they want <img src="/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I'm not much of a stickler for tradition with weddings. It's all about what the bride and husband to be want to do. I'm getting married on a cruise ship and of course I won't have a lot of guests, we're each having one person stand up with us and thats pretty much it. I still plan on having a bridal shower, we're going to just have an engagement party and not reception.

As far as etiquette goes, it pretty much says that others have to give your shower; this also means that your close relatives (parents, for example) should not give it. Otherwise it looks more like a "you must gimme presents" party than one others have chosen to give you.

I know nothing about etiquette, but since she wants to throw her own party, why not just throw a party at their house after the wedding? Days after would even be fine. If their house is new, they can have a wedding housewarming (almost the same as a shower).