BellaOnline Forums Religion and Spirituality Latter Day Saints Settle down, you kids!

When my oldest was a toddler I went to a lecture given by a well-known local child behavior specialist. During the question session, I said that my daughter was generally well-behaved except for church and the grocery store, and could she tell me how to make her behave in those two places. The woman burst out laughing and said, "My kids won't behave in those two places either and nothing I do helps."

What are your best suggestions for improving behavior in public places?

As for behaving in church - our place of worship has an infant room, a toddler room and "children's church". As the child ages, they progress into different levels of activity and are slowly brought into the worship with the rest of the congregation as their behavior and attention span develop (hopefully! LOL).

In public - restaurants, grocery stores, etc., we would take our child as a couple or with friends. If a child was corrected (or warned) and continued to misbehave, my spouse or friend and I had worked out whom would take the culprit back to the car. The rest of us would finish shopping and return to the car to go home. Pretty soon, my son didn't want to be left out of what he "thought" he was missing as we shopped and he began to behave better. It made shopping a planned experience and I had to have another adult go along if it was going to work. But, it was actually nice to share my not so favorite chore!

I think it helps to think like a kid. A kid in a grocery store for an hour is just torture <img src="/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Kids have far less patience than adults do, so say that you as an adult were dragged somewhere once a week for 5 hours of mind-numbing boredom while someone else went up and down aisles reading labels and peering at things. The things YOU wanted would be refused to you. So not only is it not enjoyable, it's a form of torment <img src="/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I'm sure it would drive any adult crazy <img src="/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

You could try to let the kid help you choose, but really you're going to override most of his choices anyway, and food isn't that fascinating to most kids.

I think if you think of it as quiet time for the kid to do something he enjoys while you do something you need to do, that works. For older kids, having a solid hour of gameboy time while they sit in the cart or walk along with you is sheer bliss. For younger kids, a special book (if they can read) or a book on tape with headphones works wonders <img src="/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Any toy or game that is made for a car works perfectly in a cart.

They might even look forward to this time, if it's something they enjoy <img src="/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I think the reading idea is a great one. However, we tend to be very cautious as to how much "game" time we allow on GameBoys and Nintendo, etc.,

What we do with the older children is give them each a list (part of the bigger grocery list) and they search the store for that item, bring it back to the cart and mark the price (the best priced they can find) on their list. They LOVE it when there are coupons and they have learned to read the coupon parameters very carefully! LOL <img src="/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

We enjoy giving them "quests" for the lowest priced item or finding the best "deal" - also, we sometimes give them a "budget" and have them find items for one dinner. They enjoy the adventure of planning a meal on their own and trying to outdo each other in creativity and price! Plus, they learn some Math skills along the way.

There are a few items that my husband insists he can ONLY consume in brandname, otherwise the kids see it as a scavenger hunt! If there is only one child along for the ride, they usually read or we take along the trivia cards for the cart trip!

I'm always amazed at the number of parents who turn Church time into game time. I'm talking GameBoys, drink boxes, etc., for children over the age of 7!

LOL I have a three year old who can turn my hair gray in 5 seconds FLAT! He's a wild one but also so very sweet (when he wants to be <img src="/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> ).

I'm fortunate in that I have older kids who simply have to help, at least at the grocery. We always end up with two carts on big shopping trips. We take turns pushing and playing with the little ones.

I've also let my 5 year old take his Leap Pad. He loves the phonics and geography books. He's almost learned half the United States in just a few months.

I also try to carry a "stash" in my purse. I'll take small toys, small treats and pens/pencils with paper. If he gets bored with one thing, we try something else.

When we went to church, they stayed in the preschool area. I couldn't even imagine trying to get him to sit still long enough for a sermon. As for my older children, they sat for the sermon and they listened. If they got restless I would let them draw or write or copy bible verses to pass the time.

Well, I can't help you with the church thing, but when my daughter would throw fits at the grocery store, we just let her. We completely ignored her, except to pick her up off the floor and move her to the next aisle. While this was a pain in the butt, her temper tantrum phase only lasted for about a week. It's pretty useless to do something designed to attract attention, if you're just ignored. The only down side was having people come up to me with parenting advice. We are going through this phase now with my son, and when people give advice i just reply that I broke my daughter of this in a week, what's their record? lol