Meg writes:
>my 7 yr old has a crooked smile due to
>nerve damage (Bells Palsy) and she feels
>very down about looking different ever
>since a little boy made a comment
>about her "ugly smile". It's heart breaking.
Oh! That just tears me up. I'm so sorry your daughter had to deal with that boy's remark. Where did this happen? I would want to talk to the boy's mom, or if it happened at an event or local playground, the 'adult in charge' of the boy.
There is an organization called About Face USA that has an information packet called "We all have Different Faces," for parents to present to organizations, mostly schools, to encourage inclusion of those with facial differences.' I found it at the Family Village website.
http://www.familyvillage.wisc.edu/lib_cran.htmI think this kind of program would be excellent for neighborhood associations, the public library or parks departments to use.
My son has Down syndrome and was included in regular classrooms growing up. We are fortunate to live in an area that has a good amount of diversity and many of his friends in elementary school were children of color who understood some of their classmates were bullies, and some just made remarks they learned at home that they didn't mean.
I witnessed an episode on the playground one day when I was volunteering for the PTA that was very hurtful, but when I walked over to talk to my son about it he told me, "No worry mom, he a ( #@&#@)." I was startled because we do not use bad language at home, and asked, "Where did you hear that?" He told me "My friend _____ told me that kid a ( #@&#@)." Then he ran off to play.
I was touched that his friend could give a simple explanation that freed my son from taking seriously what the mean boy had said and done, and decided to keep my opinion of his choice of words to myself. Actually, in later years whenever I met a child or adult who said something negative about my son, it helped me to remember, "No worry, he (or she) is a ( #@&#@)."
I don't know of a book available with quite that message! But having a peer or slightly older child to talk to about these things is sometimes helpful. My son was homeschooled from 4th grade on, and was included in several homeschool programs through our parks department and local church groups, until the school district started its own homeschool program that was 'not appropriate for him,' and then took four mainstream classes a day at our local high school with many classmates from his kindergarten and primary days.
He graduated at the statewide homeschool organization graduation ceremony when he was 18 and then enrolled in a community college program for students with special learning needs. I think his self confidence grew because he had such good friends growing up.
Although it is different for boys than girls, I tried not to underestimate the effect meanness had on my son. One day I observed him nodding to the television during Mr. Rogers, who was talking about feelings when we are disappointed or hurt by someone else's behavior.
I realized then that I had been assuming he was less sensitive to that than his older sister. She felt devastated in first grade when a boy made fun of her artwork, and did not begin to recover until she was awarded a prize for a PTA Reflections entry a month later.
Do you have a support group that could put together a calendar, with your daughter's birthmonth featuring a picture of her beautiful smile? She could choose which picture to use - I bet she has several favorite outfits and accessories she could wear during her photo session.
If we lived close to you, I would be happy to be your slightly inappropriate friend of the family who tells your daughter, "Don't worry about him, he's a ( #@&#@)." I would have to practice at home for a while to get the word to come out of my mouth, but if it would help, I'd give it a try. It might not work as well for girls as boys.
Wishing you all the best,
Pam W
SE of Seattle
