For a few years I actually believed that my childhood was not so bad but after starting to think about it and then thinking about what had happened I soon realised that it was not true. Really how can someone be happy when since birth you are surrounded by stress but still since there were a few happy memories here and there I thought differently.

You may all laugh but it is while watching Dr Phil that I started realising all that. A few things made me questions things then I started remembering. There's things that may not even appear to be abuse but it is.

I often wished when young that my parents would just beat me. That at least would of been more obvious than all the other things they did to me and I know that I would of left that house before reaching adulthood if I would of been physically abused.

They did have some positives but it just vanished after we moved into that Ste-Florence house.

If I decide to stay longer I will start driving again so that will give me more freedom. I am way too stressed when I drive and I decided to not risk hurting and killing innocent people. Now I feel that I am close to being ready to drive again. Since it's not just me when I drive I want to be sure I am 100% ready to drive when I will start again, right now I am 75% ready.

My dad bought a new car (a few years old but its still under guarantee and it looks great - the couple who had it took excellent care of it) and he wants to show it off so I think I might finally have my vacation from them. Even mom last week told me that she wanted to go back and for once I did not find any evil in her voice when she said it. Still, I will believe it if they do go see their best friend where we lived for many years.