I haven't read a book in years (the last i read was in 2009 before we moved so before november...did not even finish it...its the stories from I Am Legend...i read all the other stories and i left that 1 for the end...i was obssessed with the movie and i wanted it to be out of my head before reading the story...its out of my head and it has been for a long time but still havent read it) because I cannot focus my mind on one thing. The past years (since moving here again) I could only focus on one thing when Shumi was with Mercedes. Besides that I can focus for a while like when I watch the Dallas Stars or a movie that is so good that it makes me forget all my troubles. I had insomnia for a few months (started late february ended in april or may...except for 1 night in march where i had a good night all the other nights i could not get 1 full hour of sleep at a time...always hours awake then a few seconds or minuts asleep...over and over). There's too much stress here and I do have an exit door but it's not fully open and it is a hard path. I tried two days ago again to make things better here and my parents are ignoring it and they keep on pushing me, I will try one more time if they do not wake up soon (with a letter this time...just saying hi to them when they are happy is hard so you can imagine how its like to be real with them) and that is it, I preffer being hungry and even risking not being able to watch my Hockey games anymore (they saved my life after Shumi had his awful accident), even ended up in the streets would be a better life than the one I have!
Sorry about going on like that, last night was especially hard for me, I was on the verge of crying all night and I woke up like that. Waking up feels like I am in jail, every day is the same hell that starts over again.
