Lisa LowCarbOP BellaOnline Editor
Highest Posting Power Known to Humanity
Joined: Jan 2004
Do Not Complain Reboot 32 Day 4 -
My life isn't always stress-free . What I aim for, though, is to deal with those stressors in a way that preserves my health.
My stepfather is giving me much of his old stereo equipment which I'm then selling on CraigsList. It's been going smoothly in general, with lots of happy recipients. Then I encountered P. After various back-and-forth he arrived at noon on Sunday morning, the morning after Bob's gig. So Bob and I were both exhausted but we woke to meet P's requirements. We had the receiver set up, demonstrated it, and answered all his questions. He haggled with us even though it was exactly what we described. I admit I'm just not happy haggling. But we gave in and dropped the price, and even found him a sturdy box to take it in.
This morning I wake up to a hostile email from P where he's swearing at me, denigrating me, and stating that the "stereo mode doesn't work".
Bob thinks he simply doesn't understand the function of the "stereo" light, which comes on if a FM station is being received in stereo. That would not light up during normal CD or other play.
My dual aims are to preserve my own health, by not allowing stress to be created in me, and also not to spread stress in others. So I took in deep breaths and did some yoga .
And then I wrote P, first stating that I would not allow abusive language to be used. This is a business transaction and as adults we should be able to manage this professionally. I then explained the probable situation and said we'd take it back if he wanted. (Heck, this would be good for us, since there are other people who wanted it and who would pay full price for it as is.) I told him the only real hurdle to us taking it back at this point is that, given the hostility of his message, I wasn't sure I wanted him in the house again.
Maybe this will have him consider the language he used - especially if it turns out he was misinterpreting how the stereo is supposed to properly work. It did preserve my own stress levels and health. If he chooses to remain hostile going forward, then that is his choice as an adult and I'll simply cease communications. I cannot change others. I can only model the behavior I believe in and ensure the atmosphere I live in supports me.
Yelling at him wouldn't have helped - it would have riled stress in me and spread stress to him, too. It wouldn't be likely to create a more positive outcome. For me, the best solution all around is to handle the transaction like adults, to maintain my own calm, and if he chooses not to engage in a like manner, to move on to someone else who will.