Hi Burt, OMG You have been through a lot!! And that is the under-statement of the year. I wouldn't leave the house either. I am so happy that Connie was able to come home!! A lot of my depression comes from using drugs for many years. I used methamphetamine marijuana heroin alcohol cigarettes and even acid. Using acid one night I saw demons melt off the wall and needless to say I never did that again. Eight years ago I took a big leap of faith and came out here to Belleville from Sacramento, CA to quit using. Leaving everyone I knew and moving far away was a terrifying experience for me. And it has taken me all of these eight years to get over it. I understand paranoia and being so ugly depressed I didn't want to be alive. My brain chemistry wont allow me take anti-depressants or anything else, so I have turned to natural remedies. I grew up in an adopted family because my mother was mentally ill, although I have never been able to find out how bad or exactly what the illness was. I was more like ADHD. And I think that was part of what attracted me to getting high. Relief for something I never understood or got any help for. I grew up depressed. I only recently found out my mother had issues because I have been able to find some birth family members. They have been more family to me than my adopted family ever was. Its been really cool to learn about my family and I have enjoyed knowing them. So much so that I dis-owned my adopted family. We all never got along anyway. I know that for me its been difficult to stay balanced mentally. And it seems that the older I get the harder it is to stay balanced. But all we can do is our best and there are always going to be those who do not understand. My husband doesn't always understand how hard it is for me at times. We are special to each other and we really are the only ones who can give true support to each other. Animals are excellent therapy. My dog Missy Lou gives me unconditional love and she always seems to understand what I need.