The past two nights, I had eerie dreams. They speak of transitions, of aging.
In one, I noticed that my house was decorated by someone else and it was no longer my home. I told my son sadly that things are changing. "They can't say the same." I buried my face into his chest to smell him as though I was trying to hold onto his childhood. But he was a man not a child anymore. "Things change." He nodded. I said, "This isn't my home anymore." He nodded. I said, "I have to go." And again he nodded.
I told him that I had to go and help people, that it was my duty now. He seemed sad but for me more than him. I think he was ready to face the inevitable future but I was more reluctant.
I woke up with a feeling of deep sadness.
I was with a friend and we were driving in our old neighborhood to check out how things have changed. But this was my childhood neighborhood, not hers, but in the dream she had lived in the house where my cousin still lives.
I noticed that the city had changed the street names to fit a New Orleans theme. I was able to go to my old house and talk with the current resident who was a nice younger woman. The house itself looked completely different but I felt very nostalgic about it and kissed my hand and placed it on the opening of the side of the garage front door. I noticed that the house numbers on the house were incorrect. It was switched with the house across the street. When I asked the woman about it, she said I was right. The house number was wrong on the house. She gave no explanation.
My friend's house (my cousin's) had a dramatic makeover and was overhauled and redone completely. It was the most stunning architecturally designed home on the block! I couldn't wait to tell my mother because in waking life, my cousin's house was not well cared for and in dilapidated condition before.
We went over and the lady there was giving my friend a tour. For some reason, I stayed outside to look around the street.
There was such an odd feeling throughout these dreams. Reflecting on the past, recognizing that everything changes and that we cannot hold onto what we love in the same way.
But it has been a good life. There was such joy in being a mother. I am not needed in the same way anymore, and that is ok. It is time to move on...