Ah, thank you for the clarification. When situations such as these arise, they give us an opportunity to see who we are, what we're made of and...what our marriages are made of. Yes, these are those "tests" that pastors and marriage officiants speak of that inevitably pop up along our marital journey.

When we can pass these tests, our marriages--and characters--strengthen. But sometimes, they overcome us for all our best and highest intentions and efforts. Sometimes, when they reveal true characters, we have to decide if we can be happy with the one we're with. In no way, am I making judgments here, having faced these tests (and failed many) myself.

In your case, you are within your full rights to request notice. That isn't much to ask at all. It is only common courtesy, especially since they're coming to visit means five guests plus two dogs. What an imposition!

But the real question is if your marriage is worth saving and can be saved just by moving out. You say that your husband is the main problem, not this situation. Aha. There it is. Perhaps this life situation arose to allow you to really reflect on your marriage. If you "will likely never live in peace" you might want to seriously consider your feelings.

I read your posts in the other forums. I see that you do have dissatisfaction in other areas of your marriage. Your husband is a selfish man. We humans are all selfish to some degree. But some selfish people are like black holes in the relationship universe. It can be suffocating to be around them.

Furthermore, I just read about his physically acting out and destroying property and calling you names. Yes, I'd say your problem is not your SIL or the vacation home.

If my husband was like this and refusing to go to counseling to address his behavior, I'd have to ask myself if I could be happy for the rest of my life living with this man as is. If the answer is no, I would not waste any more of my life with him. If the answer is yes because there is love and more good times with this man, I'd get into counseling just for myself to help me through.

At some point, you have to ask why you would stay with a man who does not respect you. Do you lack respect for yourself? The root of a lot of marriage problems is within the self because our inner self determines who we will choose, how much we will tolerate, etc. Strengthen yourself, love yourself, respect yourself and you will find enormous strength to set your outer world straight whether you choose to stay with him or not.




Last edited by Lori - Marriage; 01/13/13 09:19 AM.