Hello everyone! I am sad, I must admit. My life it feel slike is slipping through my fingers, and I am worried about myself. I am especially worried about my monetary status, as I currently only have a part-time job. I also have huge aspirations of becoming a novelist, and yet that isn't being done. I am sad also because I am feeling needy and wish to reach out to people, but I realize that this isn't healthy for me to do. This isn't healthy for me, personally, because the need to be "taken care of" is extremely strong. As the youngest, the baby of the family, I am used to people just taking over and doing things for me. Sometimes when something needed to get done, I was literally pushed out of the way while someone else in my family did it for me. Now that I am on my own and able to be independent as I have always wanted, I suffer from a severe laziness that goes even as far as daily hygeine tasks. If you are judging me or wish to call me names, it isn't anything I haven't told myself. I am squandering my days, wasting time until I go out and waste my time with friends. I spend too much money and have no savings, and have big dreams for the future without a concrete plan to make my dreams come true. I have to light a fire underneath me and get myself in line. One of the easiest excuses I have is being embarrassed about doing so much whilst the people around me (especially the people I live with) are watching television and lounging. I can't socialize and get things done, it just never works for me. Why? Because I don't want people to think I am uppity. Sometimes I puposefully hang back out of fear that I'll get yelled at. "Who do you think you are?" They might say. I don't know why I do this, it's just a fear of mine. I seek out approval, which is not good. I made a list of goals, and I need to seek out my own approval.
