Diana, I'm so sorry to hear of the loss of your brother. That's the scariest thing about bipolar disorder. The suicide rate is really high, and I can totally understand why. I've had suicidal ideation since my early teens. I haven't ever attempted, thank God.

I've read that lots of people do enjoy their mania, but I hate mine. That's why I know I have to be medicated--I just go and go, and my mind won't shut down, and I feel like I'm just going to die. And I don't feel happy--I feel very agitated. It's awful.

BD runs in my family, too. There are two suicides in my family in people diagnosed with what they called manic-depressive disorder back then. I have another family member who I've heard was diagnosed with BD, who held his wife at gun point all night long. He also put the gun in his mouth for a long time on another occasion. It's a horrible disease.

And thank you for sharing your pain with us, too.

Kitten Kristine Jackson

The measure to which we judge others is the measure to which God will judge us. Be kind & understanding always. : )