Many of these posts are old, and I have not been able to read through all of them.
I first want to say thank you to those of you who were willing to express such raw and vulnerable emotions. That takes a lot of courage - especially when you know that there will be people who will judge those feelings. So, thank you.
I did read someone who stated that - after writing down those feelings - there was an element of relief. That doesn't meant the feelings went away necessarily, but I believe that when we can give voice to our fears/anger/resentment, we can alleviate some of the pressure those feelings put upon us. I would encourage you to write (and rip if you have to) your feelings down on a frequent basis. Start a journal or if you don't want to keep those words around, write them and rip them up. The writing, itself, can be very healing.
Mellymoo - I'm sorry to hear that the women's shelters are all filled. Are they wiling to help you with other resources in your area? It is disappointing to me that they have not offered you other support or resources.
Having a support system is essential! If you can find friends to talk to, if you can connect with a GOOD therapist, if you can find a resource online - whatever it takes. Build a support system. I realize that takes energy which may be difficult to muster up but if you take the first steps, the next steps will be "easier". Look for support groups through the hospital or county mental health centers, get books from the library - you'll see you're not the only one and that is empowering, speak to your internist - post partum depression is all too common and it's essential to get help.
Repeated over and over is the lack of time for mom. Having children changes your entire being. Parts of you may be left behind and forgotten; other parts may be placed on the back burner for "when the children are older"; you may be too tired, worn out and exhausted to focus on your SELF. But, that is another IMPORTANT element of motherhood. Think out of the box to find time for your SELF so that you can feel passionate about something, so that you can feel worthwhile, so that you don't feel chained down. I know it's easier said than done - but get creative! Make friends who are willing to swap childcare so each of you can have 'alone' time. Save up to join a gym and let your children stay in the "kids club" while you workout. Hire a pre-teen in your neighborhood to come by and be a mother's helper, relieving some of the pressure off of you. Find something that will feed your soul.
There are good therapists out there and there are 'not so good' therapists out there. Sometimes we are limited by our insurance or inability to pay.... but you still have to 'search' for a therapist you can connect with and whom you believe can help you move forward. Think about what you want/need from that professional and make your first meeting about asking questions to help you decide if this is the right person. There are many options for sliding scale therapy, and - these days - there are therapists online as well. Make sure you are working with someone who is skilled and trained!
There are also hotlines you can call to get anonymous "help". These hotlines are not for long term support but can provide you with support in the immediate moment or in the short term. Parents Anonymous is one that pops into my head.
1-855-427-2736 They are M-F from 10-7 EST
Childhelp USA also has a 7day/24 hour hotline 1-800-422-4453. This is the National Child Abuse Hotline but they offer support and referrals to parents who are stressed to the max, overwhelmed, etc. It could be a good resource in the middle of the night and/or could be a good resource for referrals of support in your area.
Having extreme feelings of hating being a parent does not mean you are a bad parent. I am especially touched by those of you who state you are loving, provide good care for your children and then "close the door and hate your life". Someone else said they know they have to find a way to change their life. I hope some of these suggestions can help some of you find a different path and find joy for your SELF in your life.