I had a miscarriage right at 12 weeks and was totally devastated. I opted for the D&C when they saw no viable fetus on the ultrasound and my body had been carrying on thinking it was pregnant for 5 weeks without a proper miscarriage. Initially I was happy with my choice of the D&C, but now I wish I had just let my body work through it. i feel like my pregnancy just got erased. Worse yet, after the first week of sympathetic and awkward looks from people, it's like they just assume you're fine and if you bring it up, they get totally awkward about it. I dare say this is the most isolating experience of my life. My sympathies go out to all of you, but somehow it's nice just knowing that I'm not alone...that there are other women out there who get it. My mom told a friend of hers about my experience and found out that she had 4 miscarriages before she had 2 healthy babies. She remembers each and every one of them, particularly on their due dates. My baby's due date was supposed to be 2 days before my existing son's birthday. I think that will be a very hard week for me. I wanted so much to give him a sibling for his birthday. He'd been asking me for one for 2 years...I was so excited to be able to give that to him, to explore my baby's face and every nook and cranny of that baby, to watch that baby grow up and learn who he or she was. I get angry that there are not group counseling services or something for women who lose pregnancies. I feel like the only people who can possibly understand the loss and debilitating grief and sorrow are the others on this forum.
I wondered if I would ever feel better. My D&C was on January 3rd. I am finally feeling better. Am able to function. But thoughts of the baby crowd in on me all the time. I'm so thankful for the other women here who are sharing their stories.
For those of you who feel ready to try again right away (I'm not feeling ready unfortunately) my OBGYN said that after the D&C or miscarriage you can start again after the first period. I have a friend who had 3 miscarriages and then got pregnant within 6 weeks of her last miscarriage and now has a healthy baby girl. Everyone's body is different, but apparently some doctors say to wait 3 months until trying again to let the uterus 'settle'. My OB said that is usually the advice because they think women aren't psychologically ready to get pregnant until then. Well, I honestly think each of us knows when she is ready. So if you are trying again I wish you every success in your recovery, your future pregnancy, and that you have healthy babies in your future.