This is a really sad situation... Yes, I acknowledge that it took a lot of bravery (or nerve? *lol*) to even ADMIT these feelings, but at the same time, it has to be made clear that these women f*(%ed up BIG time... It's all too easy to judge, but we have to keep in mind, it's likely they already know the degree of their mistake. Yet on the other hand, "venting" about a life decision as epically bad as THIS is going to invite as much disapproval as it will empathy (if not more). Perhaps there is a forum out there for PPD-affected women where one can speak more freely about problems like this. It wouldn't be so bad if it were a bad life decision affecting them personally, that could be dealt with...the problem is, an innocent life is brought into the equation and will likely suffer from the parent's mistakes and feelings of being unwanted. When a woman feels even a tinge of regret, it won't matter how much they SAY they love their children, the fact remains: The parent WILL project their feelings of regret onto their children, whether consciously or unconsciously. The child will intuit this whether they themselves are aware of this or not. IOW, they're paying the consequence for their parent's mistake. Not calling the child THEMSELF a mistake, per se...but then again what would YOU call the result of having a child for the wrong reasons?
What I don't understand are the feelings of loss of your own life, habits and identity after having kids... (now I can't sleep, eat, go out like I used to) 1) you're making it sound like you just got intruded upon by an unwanted houseguest *lol*.
Hello??? YOU SIGNED UP for this!!! What were you expecting? A never-ending Gerber commercial? What were you expecting?
2)WHY did you even have kids??? It amazes me to no end the SHEER NUMBER of parents who don't really know themselves (or have a seriously weak reason)!! "Because" is the top answer...followed by "it's just something you do when you become an adult (then explain MTV's "teen mom" *lol*)"...then the old classic "I want someone to take care of me when I grow old". Most all of the reasons for having kids are really selfish when you think about it... Try finding a reason that EXCLUDES "I want", "I" or "me"...
So, on top of the selfishness is the THOUGHTLESSNESS of it (not knowing why, just "because", failing to properly protect yourself from fertilization)...Or equally bad: doing it simply to please someone else (parent or spouse). My husband wanted kids and I didn't...I COULD have caved in, but I thought it was unfair to do so...not to mention my mountain of reasons for NOT wanting to bring kids into this world, including financial reasons. Caving in COULD have saved my marriage, but I doubt it very much, especially in light of so many families splitting up ALL AROUND US. And I knew in my gut that I WOULD NOT experience that magical fairy-tale "love at 1st sight moment" like so many fictional characters do when they feel unsure or unready about having a baby. There are no shortage of REAL-LIFE examples all around you that this just isn't true! Babies are NOT "marriage glue", they should never be "assigned" (serving as a tool in a woman's search for meaning an identity to her life, parents' selfish expectations, playing a role in keeping a marriage together, appeasing a spouse or parent)ANYTHING other than a name.
It really sux that having babies are NO LONGER seen as a life-altering decision that must be weighed, contemplated and given the right reasons , but is instead merely a SIDE-EFFECT from having unprotected sex. Society will suffer (and already is in case you don't read the newspaper)...
Last edited by CactusHeart; 02/18/11 09:56 PM.