I came accross this forum as I just had my first and hopefully only miscarriage. Feeling isolated and alone, sad and empty I needed to find somewhere I could openly express myself without any judgement. I found out I was pregnant for the first time just before Xmas 2010. This was the happiest day of my life I did 3 urine tests to confirm my thoughts followed by another urine and blood test at the clinic. I had been wanting to be a mother for so long and this was the ultimate most amazing feeling in the world. I came home that night to tell my partner that we were expecting our first bubs! I was filled with so much excitement and joy words could not possibly describe my feelings. He took a few days to come to terms with the idea, but he started to show his excitement in many ways. So of course being a pregnant woman and on top of the world I started to plan things, I wanted to scream it to the world, we started to inform family, friends, work colleagues etc, I even bought a beautiful cot and changer and started to prepare our spare room for a beautiful baby.
Week 4-5 and I started feeling very sick, nauseus and had to take about 2 weeks off work. After 2 weeks my symptoms started to subside a little and I wondered perhaps was I over the whole 'morning sickness' stage or was something wrong? I had my first dating scan approx 4 weeks I think, they could not see the featus, but said it was just too early and so to come back in a couple of weeks for another.
I came back for a follow up scan and they could see the featus and measured it at 6.3weeks, but could not see/hear a heartbeat. This was quite distressful, and they told us it did not look good. As you can imagine our hearts just dropped and we left feeling so empty, I think we were almost preparing ourselves for the worst. That week I had several blood tests conducted, I felt so confused, angered, sad, worried and simply started losing hope. My hormone levels started to drop, my worst fear had become a reality, friends and family continuously tried to remain and keep me positive but I knew deep down that all hope was lost.
The clinic confirmed my pregnancy was not viable and miscarriage was inevitable. All of a sudden I felt this kind of heart break one cannot describe.
I was referred to The Womans and Childrens Hospital where I was assessed by their doctor and she gave me options on how to proceed, I chose to have the D&C surgery, they booked me in for a D&C operation the following day.
I woke up after the surgery feeling violated, empty and depressed.
3 days later I am feeling so isolated and sad. I never thought this would happen to me, I now look at all my friends who are fortunate enough to have children and hope and pray that I will be lucky enough to have a child.
My partner wants to try again, but later down the track (1-3) years, I however am very keen to try again straight away, I now feel this kind of void that is empty and needs to be filled, I feel lucky that I still have my partner and I love him but as awful as it sounds it's just not enough for me, I will forever remain happy with my partner but unhappy until I can be a mother.
If you are reading this and have been through something similar I would love to hear your happy endings, just to fill my broken heart with hope again.