Hi Kathyedh, and thank you. You are so kind! The kitten thing was shockingly difficult for me to get over. I just so rarely feel that connected to anyone, that I take it badly when something happens to take them away from me.
I did try meditating for a bit and it really was helping. But then like most healthy activities I have some kind of life crisis that makes me get off track...and then the activities are forgotten. I don't know how many times this has happened. I am really hoping that this time, since I am not moving anymore, things will start to slot into place.
Lisa, yes, i really feel glad that my life is coming together in a state I have molded by design, rather than just drifting along aimlessly and unhappily. I am still caught up on the basic levels of Maslow's pyramid - how to heat my water for a bath, how to stay warm at night, how to afford safe tires for my car and how to find a way to get my meds without a great amount of monthly hassle. Safety, health and shelter. That kind of thing.
But I did decide to give myself two years to figure all this out before getting discouraged. So I still have a year and a half left to work on moving up the hierarchy of needs.