I googled "I hate being a parent" and found all of you who are going through the same things. My son is almost 4 years old, and although I'm not feeling quite as negative now as I did when he was a newborn, I still feel regret over deciding to have a child. He is a very curious strong-willed boy, and it just makes me wonder when I go to a store and see children calmly standing next to their parents--DS would run off and (carefully) dismantle a store display if I wasn't clutching his hand. I feel like nothing turned out as advertised. He did not sleep through the night once until he was 7 months old, and not consistently until he was 2 years old. I was a SAHM mom and the lack of sleep almost killed me. None of the parenting advice seems to work on him, and reading parenting books just makes me feel worse, as if there is something radically wrong with me or him. Having him wasn't a "lifestyle change", it was an atom bomb dropped on my existence.
One thing I haven't seen discussed in this thread is the breastfeeding experience. Breastfeeding was the darkest time of all for me. Many health professionals give the impression that breastfeeding is of the utmost importance, and that moms should never, ever, under any circumstance, give up on breastfeeding lest they harm their child. This pressure made the first months with my son a living hell. DS fed every 2 hours like clockwork, round the clock, and never developed an extended period betwen feedings. It was impossible to draw out the feedings as he would scream for over an hour and throw up if he didn't get the breast. He finally went on a nursing strike when he didn't like my overactive letdown. He was a perfectionist about the position, flow rate etc (and still is a perfectionist about other things). Saw 3 LC's to no avail. I felt terrible about myself and about taking care of my infant, and it colors my view of motherhood to this day.
I don't know what I would do if I got pregnant again. I want to have a tubal and stay on the pill just to be extra sure, but hubby is definitely against the tubal. We just learned that the only other only-child mom from my group of friends is expecting again, and now I have to deal with pressure from my husband to have another baby (no way).
DS seems like a happy kid and is certainly quite bright, and I thank God for that. I feel like I've been run over by a truck. I guess I'm making the best of it and doing the best job I can, but it has never been an enjoyable job for me, even the smiley cute times that others seem to enjoy. I'm not cut out for this, but there is no going back. Glad to hear I am not alone in how I feel.
We take forum safety very seriously here at BellaOnline. Please be sure to read through our Forum Guidelines. Let us know if you have any questions or comments!