I feel for you... please don't feel you are alone. Not everyone has the warm fuzzy feelings.
A couple of suggestions... have you talked to your doctor? it sounds as if you may be suffering from depression.
Secondly, is there a "Mom's group" in your town (the library may be a good place to ask...). You may not like it... the thought of even more kids around may put you off! But on the other hand, you will network with other moms, maybe be able to find a reliable babysitter, or exchange a couple of hours with someone.
Also, it sounds as if you are meeting tour kids' physical needs... you might find as they get older, you get closer to them. Young children are very demanding... older children can share in wider experiences, hobbies... whatever you have going on. Chances are, one day your older child will do or say something that will make you really melt but even then it won't be easy.
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