Hi everyone. Ive been a lurker here for a while so thought I'd introduce myself! Im so glad to have found this forum. Its such a joy to read that there are people with the same feelings as me! What prompted me to write the words 'dont want children' into google a few months ago was when a 'child free' friend announced she was pregnant. I was so surprised. I came home and sat at the computer hoping to find a reason why i feel this way. And then I came accross all these listings / forums / articles from people just like me! I was astonished. I dont know anyone in my daily life who has admitted these feeling as I do.
I am a teacher working with small children who I love (is it my imagination or are there a lot of teachers here?). I am 31 and very happily married. When I was younger I imagined I would have children in an abstract way. A few years ago i started to realise that the idea terrified me. (I have realised I might have Tokophobia - but how does one know, and anyway thats just one part of the problem).
I supposed that when the time was right I would feel the urge / the broodyness that I witnessed in other people. But instead my feelings of fear have just increased. I have watched how babies change their parents lives in every way, and their relationship. I love my husband and we live a busy life of travelling, socialising, and lots of alone time. I cannot envisage giving that up.
My husband knows how I feel to some degree - but I dont think he has really thought about it deeply yet. He's soooo laid back about everything and has said - there's plenty of time to decide. But I feel that there isint plenty of time and I feel the weight of the decision pressing on me daily. I worry that I'll never be sure either way. The old chestnut - I'll regret it later keeps rearing its head. My sister wants to and cant have kids so there is a great sadness in her life about that. She left it too late.
Anyway - so sorry this is far too long and rambling. Just one more thing - thank God for this forum!