DH and I just spent an hour together talking about this very subject and my efforts to monitor myself. We decided we have a fundamental difference in what we define as complaining.
He sees complaining as something actionable. I really don't understand where he is coming from with this. I just know that he takes all the fun out of venting when he feels like he should be doing something to fix my "complaint."
I told him that if he could adjust his thinking to see my 'default' mode as venting and not complaining, it would help our relationship going forward.
It's still a tough one.
I have decided, at least for myself, apart from the relationship, that I will see myself as complaining if I use negative words, rather than neutral words to describe something.
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