DH and I just spent an hour together talking about this very subject and my efforts to monitor myself. We decided we have a fundamental difference in what we define as complaining.

He sees complaining as something actionable. I really don't understand where he is coming from with this. I just know that he takes all the fun out of venting when he feels like he should be doing something to fix my "complaint."

I told him that if he could adjust his thinking to see my 'default' mode as venting and not complaining, it would help our relationship going forward.

It's still a tough one.

I have decided, at least for myself, apart from the relationship, that I will see myself as complaining if I use negative words, rather than neutral words to describe something.

So, not a complaint:
The waiter was unpleasant

Definitely a complaint:
That waiter was a jerk!

What do people think?

Last edited by Jilly; 05/04/08 06:08 PM.