Hi all. I just registered here today. I decided after a year of repressing my feelings about my miscarriage to look for a support group. I guess I am looking for comfort from people who have been there too. So, I guess I'll start with my story... Last June I lost my virginity to my now husband and we got pregnant. I found out July 12th I was pregnant and got very very excited. We told everyone and my now mother in law even took me baby shopping, even though I wasn't that far along. The night of July 29th I was at work and noticed spotting. I freaked then and there. As I was working the night audit work refused to let me go home until the audit was done. So I stayed and cried and freaked... Finally 5am the 30th I got off of work and went straight to the hospital with my Mom. There I had a papsmere done and everything seemed okay. Just to make sure they called in someone to do an ultrasound on me. The lady came and did an ultrasound and I saw my baby's heartbeat. It was 110bpm and she assured me that my baby was okay, little did I know that 110bpm is low... So I was sent home with pictures of our baby and felt okay. I was still spotting, but they said the fact that they did a papsmere would probably worsen things. And then 48 hours later I lost a "clot" and rushed right back to the hospital with it... After lots of worrying and lots of tears we find out that this time we did loose the baby...
My husband, who was my boyfriend at the time was very freaked out about the whole thing. And the fact that we got pregnant the first time and at the time had only been together maybe three months didn't help anything. The night we lost the baby he cried with me, but now he won't even talk about it, which is probably what's hurting me the most. When I cry and try to talk about it he more or less tells me to stop crying and get counsling. I have taken the loss of my baby very very hard and I remember everything. The night we got pregnant, when we found out we were pregnant, the night I started miscarrying, the night I did miscarry, the baby's due date. Everything. And it makes me so very sad. He always asks how I remember and I ask him how he forgets. It was such a tramatic experience for me, and for him it's like it never happened.
I don't talk about it at all anymore or cry infront of him because it feels like he just gets mad at me, so I've been repressing it, which hasn't made anything better. So, now I am here. I know lots of pregnant people, but none that have miscarried, so I don't know anyone personally that I can talk to who has been there. So, other than what I've rambled on about I'm not sure what else to say. I need help getting through it... I just need to talk about it and I think I've found the right place.
