It is definitely better for the kids if the parents can remain friends, that way they don't have to feel guilty or feel like they have to "choose sides". It also helps stabilize their world. "Well Mom and Dad split up, but they can get along, so maybe it won't be the end of the world after all."
But I have to agree with Joclyn, if you are just getting to know this guy, don't worry about the kids or the ex. Work on figuring out if you two are good together first. No sense getting all nervous about his ex's familyif you don't even know whether you can stand to be around him for more that 1 day! Of course, if his ex's family is at his house every time you come around.... that might be a little odd
My ex and I are friends, and I made a very forced effort to be friends with his wife (forced because she is who he left me for- but the kids don't know that and they like her). We live in different states so it is usually not an issue. Occasionally we'll have a birthday party where both sides will come, the grandparents are the funny ones, they're like roosters getting ready to attack! The only time my husband said he felt a little uncomfortable was when our son had a ruptured appendix. Of course everyone came to see him, and being Mom I WAS NOT leaving that hospital until he was (or until I passed out, whichever came first). So we got to see all of both families, my husband didn't stay the whole time, but he said it was a little strange getting introduced to people he really didn't have any interest in meeting. <img src="/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />
BTW I tried to vote on your poll, but I can't figure out how to make it work! HELP! FYI I vote for the middle option (friends, but not best friends- that's just weird.)
