BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids True Dad Confessions - Let's hear it for the boys!

Had to wade through the bloody "I never have enough sex" and the bastards who are cheating on their wives to get to the goodies but here tis: From True Dad Confessions dot com.

01.02.08 8:15a
I've never really gotten into the swing of being a dad. Not even when they got older. I go through the motions and act interested, but most of the time when I'm playing with them, watching their sports, or other duties, I'm thinking of things I'd rather be doing.
When it comes down to it, it's boring. me too
(13)

12.28.07 11:12a
I love my kids dearly, but I cant wait till they are OUT OF MY HOUSE... BTW, I have 4 girls ages 19, 17, 15, 11 me too
(3)


[font:Arial Black]12.27.07 1:25a
She's fat and not very energetic. She doesn't like to travel very much and her entire existence is focused on the two kids: none on me at all, and yet I'm the supporter, the planner, the executor. I'd leave tomorrow if I thought it wouldn't hurt the kids�.[/font]

12.21.07 7:01p
Ever since we had kids my wife has become fearful of everything - afraid the kids will die if they don't wear helmets for even the lamest sports; afraid we won't be able to pay the mortgage even though I make more than enough; afraid global warming will ruin our kids' futures....the list goes on. She used to be such a free spirit when we were dating and first married. Now everything gets her stressed. I'm so tempted to start spiking her drinks with Zoloft...


12.21.07 9:46a
Having children ruined my life as well as hers. Why do women feel so obligated to have children even though they really don't want them 24/7? me too
(28)

12.14.07 10:12p
if it was not for my 2 young children I would walk out on my wife right now,

12.14.07 6:14p
I love my children more than anything. I don't see them during the day much. I have to watch them at nights while my wife works. I can't wait for them to go to bed so I can have some alone time. I just don't have the patience to sit and play with them or keep them entertained for very long, plus I'm so tired by then I want some me time.
When do they get old enough to not have to be supervised ALL THE TIME? 12.14.07 12:07p

I love my kid more than anything. But occassionally, I mean a couple of times a day, I wonder if I've made a mistake by throwing away my personal freedom, probably for the rest of my life. I try not to think about it that way, but sometimes I do, and its a bit scary... me too (9)

12.14.07 8:29a
Babies are flat out boring.
Maybe when it is old enough to have some kind of a personality, I will love it.
But now? Eh. All it does is lie there, [censored] its pants, cry, eat, and sleep. me too (19)

12.14.07 8:00a
Having kids is over rated me too (46)

12.12.07 11:00a
i hate kids. why did i let her talk me into having them? me too (30)

12.10.07 2:20p
Last night the two youngest went at it tooth and claw - hitting, screeching, lying when I came in. My oldest son has sworn never to have children for the hundredth time, and I spouted some worn-out 'bingo' saying about "It's different when they're yours".
What an idiot I am. I'm lying through my teeth and he knows it. It's different all right --- you can't return them to sender!!! me too (8)

12.08.07 12:54p
I wish i'd never let her talk me into having kids. I didn't really want them. And now that we do, we can't go back to the way things were. Things were perfect before. Don't get me wrong. I do love them and would do anything for them. Its just that life was so much better before. We're living paycheck-to-paycheck since she quit work to be a sahm and we never get to do anything fun. Its just kids, kids, kids. I'd switch places with my childless buddies any day. me too (13)

12.08.07 1:31a
Why didn't I get a dog instead of having a kid? me too (19)

12.05.07 6:35p
i hate being a sahd. i never get to have fun with my boys. i'm tired of cleanin up after my wife and son (and woman say men are pigs lol). the only time i have to my self is when i walk to the store for smokes. cant even be by my self takin a [censored] some times. sad aint it if it wasnt for my son i would have been gone like yesterday . me too (1)

12.05.07 12:05p
Marriage is hard. Having kids is even harder.

12.04.07 10:40p
I'm so happy my wife doesn't want kids. me too (55)

12.04.07 8:38p
I stay late at work just to postpone coming home to a screeching wife and kid. I don't know which one is worse. I have no freedom, I can't go back to college, I can't travel. I feel as though I'm wearing a ball and chain. If I could have one wish it would be to go back and get a vasectomy before I met my wife. me too (12)

(Warning, a bit gross but hilarious!) 12.04.07 7:03p
so she always asks if i can tell a difference after 3 kids. i lie. too bad your [censored] doesn't get bigger after kids, because it's like feeding a whale a tic tac. me too (8)

12.04.07 11:13a
I am 38, married for seven years, and a first-year parent. Sadly, I now understand how two people can stay together only "for the sake of the kids."
I can only hope I feel differently in 17 years.
11.20.07 6:07p
I loved my children, and then they became teenagers, and then I stopped loving them. Then they became hot shot young adults on the road to success, and now I don't like them at all. I think I was only in parenting for the little kids depending on me phase. me too (6)

11.16.07 12:37p
Honestly, do preteens really have thousands of dollars to go see Hannah Montana? No. The reason the tickets for the preteen pop tart are so high is because of sucker parents like me who will do anything to make their kid happy/shut the hell up for a couple of days.
Signed, one dad who is now $2000 poorer. me too (6)

11.12.07 5:50a
Though I'm coming up for Thanksgiving, please understand that I will enforce quiet time while the children are sleeping and I will darn-well go to bed when I want to.
What you don't understand is that coming up there is going to throw off our kids' sleeping patterns for a week. When we leave, you'll be sleeping good while my wife and I are getting up 2-3 times a night with our infant trying to get him back on schedule. To say nothing of our 3 year old who wakes up at 5:30 a.m. every day.
How 'bout a little sympathy please rather than the attitude! me too
(7)

11.11.07 12:13p
Sometimes i would rather stay at work all night, rather then come home where i have to listen to my wife complain, and my kids scream. me too (13)

11.09.07 10:59a
My wife and I had the most spontaneous sex last night. I wish it could always be that way. But its tough being that way with a 2 year old running around. I Love you babe me too (1)

(Warning a bit gross) 11.05.07 9:18a
I can't bring myself to touch my wife anymore after seeing her tear "down there" and poop on the delivery table. me too (16)

Really, none of this is surprising to me.

Wow.... I have nothing to say! Poor men, poor children... but it was their decision!!!

PS: My husband said: "That would be our future!"...uhhhhh NO!!!!!

I know that is how life with a child would be like, because I thought of the consequences beforehand.

I say "Thanks but no thanks. I want to have a life."

I read these aloud to my DH, and he was shocked. He thanks me all the time for being so lucid on what the parenting experience entails. I know I've said this before, but I think guys are so much more out of the loop when it comes to kids. I really don't think most of them know what they are getting into. I think traditional type guys think they just need to have kids, because it's what you do. But most guys don't have exposure to kids the way women do. And it's a shame.

My BIL said they have a class at this school where the kids get a baby to care for. It cries at random times, and it has a sensor, and you have to wipe the butt to show that you've "changed the diaper." I think it's a great idea. I asked him if guys take the class. He said it's an elective, so most guys don't. I wish they could make that necessary for guys, because then maybe guys would be more careful with birth control, and really not want to get someone pregnant. And, because it takes two to make a family, maybe guys would think about it more before they take the plunge with their SO later in life. I swear if people were more aware less couples would have kids.

I feel so bad for the kids in the situations above. I know my Dad loves us, but I think he felt/feels the same way about parenting. I know he would have been so much happier without kids. He doesn't handle stress well, and his job is stressful enough. I don't know how people with a really stressful job handles kids and a job. I would go insane!

I agree - for so many men it just HAPPENS.
I can't imagine such a life changing experience just happening - without being involved in the decision making and planning.
I think lots of men don't even consider the question - its something everyone does, part of marriage, expected, passing on the name and genes, a demonstration of my virility, can't deny my wife a child, my parents a grandchild...
Sadly, I think the number of men that actually WANT to be and AGREE to become fathers AND totally embrace the role is probably quite small. IMHO (maybe 30%)
Is that fair?
Or, at least, thats the way it appears to me looking at colleagues and friends.
Men seem to fall into a few groups:-
- Disinterested - almost leading a separate life to his wife and kids. The wife does all the kid stuff and the family do virtually nothing together AND there is also, little couple time. I work with lots of these men - they travel constantly.
- Interested to a point - the short fuse Dad - struggles to cope - one of my workmates will often come into my office at the end of the day saying, "I've had enough of work today but can't face home - fancy a drink?" (he has 3 kids under 4)
- Traditional Role - Proud father returns from work, pats child on head - enjoys time with family on weekend.
- Active Dads - wholeheartedly embrace the role - never stop talking about their kids, would stay at home with them, if it were possible.
- Resentful Dads - men that feel trapped by fatherhood.
- Passive Dad - going through the motions - seems to have lost interest in most things.
- Exhausted Dad - Loves his kids but worn down by years of work, worry and responsibility.
Have I missed any?
I adored my father - he worked like a dog trying to support 5 kids. I'll never understand why my mother wanted 5 kids - it made life so very hard. I know my father just "went along" with my mother on most things so I have no doubt, my mother made the decision to have 5 kids. I know we were all planned.
Dad was usually tired, he'd get home late and he was often, irritable - he worried constantly about money.
Even as a small child, I wanted to make Dad's life easier so, I would get up early and wave goodbye as he left for work (when it was still dark) and make him treats.
I didn't feel the same concern about my mother because she seemed to be doing exactly what she wanted to do - have and raise kids. (which didn't look the slightest bit appealing to me)
Dad died just 3 years after retiring - I think his life was very hard.
So, sadly...I remember my father as being an Exhausted Dad.

That summarizes the typical view of parenthood for most unthinking men.

For men, the assumption that you will get married, have kids and grandkids, to keep the family name, etc is there. In my family, it wasn't pushed all the time, but I can remember times when "when you get married" or "When you have kids" when I was a teenager. The assumption that you will carry on the family name, even if it is Brown, is there as well.

Only because I was willing to question everything and not just follow along mindlessly, am I in the position of being happy in my life where I am now, with the person that I am married to now.



The time will come. Just like other lifestyles were so totally shunned and disavowed in the past, the CF option/choice will get to that point. Everyone who is actively involved in spreading the word that having a child is a choice are planting the seeds for future generations.

BTW, I and my wife were out today in a shopping mall parking lot with windows down on the van. A man in his late 30s, looking somewhat beatnikish was walking across the roadway in front of the entrance to Kohls, saw the license plate, did a double take, read it again, (zro kids) and said "Love your plate!" That made us feel good

I think that sounds about right. I know one guy from my childhood that has always wanted to get married, and to have kids. He finally got his wish. He comes from a traditional Italian family, and I think he was just obsessed with the idea, without really knowing what was involved, or glossed it over in his mind. He and his young wife, I think she was 26 when she had her baby, had kids right away. I can't imagine getting pregnant when you are only married a year. I could never understand his obsession with meeting those two goals. Saw him a few months ago, and he and his wife were talking about how they are always sick b/c their son is in pt daycare with other kids. I wonder how their relationship is faring, though. Guess time will tell...I always wonder that when people have kids, though.



This is so funny and classic. You know there are so many Dads that really don't want to go home at night. I would be [censored] if I was home with the kids and my DH was hanging at the bar, though. Oh yeah, but I would NEVER have or be home with the kids



This post really touched me. My Dad is a lot like this, too, except that he's also the "short fuse Dad." My Dad has zero patience with us, and has never been at all patient.

Having a large family does bring tremendous financial pressure. My Dad was always worrying about money, too. And my Mom spends it like there's no tomorrow. She does do her part at home, though.

I'm so sorry to hear your Dad died so shortly into retirement. That's really sad. He worked so hard! I think most Dads from the older generations did. My Dad is always exhausted, too. My Dad looks and acts like the Dad on the Wonder Years. It's a little scary. And on the last episode, they said their Dad died a few years later... you know, when Kevin was in college, I guess. I can't help but think b/c my Dad is high stress, type A etc. and has a bad temper that something like that might happen to him.

I posted this thread on my blog as I thought it was so illuminating, though not really surprising. As one of my commentators said, I also think that most men don't even think that there is any alternative to having children. The vast majority women certainly don't, society is still trying to convince us that the happy fambly is one that has two or more kids. So I don't underestimate the pressure that some women bring to bear on their men in order to get that child (and then the siblings). Many men go along for "the quiet life" to get respite from the nagging, never guessing that life is going to be anything but. Of course the wife has other plans. As a commentator also said, with very few exceptions men don't even know that there is anything like being childfree. If they did they might have the balls to stand up to the pressure to breed.

What I think is sad is how many women I have watched over the years think that by getting pregnant to a man, they will keep him trapped into marrying them and giving them what they want which I think is really wrong.
If they stay with her, it will only be out of guilt and an obvious responsibility to the child.
Holding the kid over the man's head as if to say "Give me what I want or else".
And yes, I do think that most men don't know that there is anything like being child free.
It's a shame. When you first start dating a man, and things are starting to get serious, then the first thing out of a womans mouth should be to ask him if he wants children. Then if he doesn't, you can move on to someone who does. Don't try forcing him to accept the idea if it's something he doesn't want.
Does everyone agree?