I have suffered from depression all of my life and I just turned 57. I have grown so weary of that! I would like to form a network of Friends who are there for each other no matter what. Is there anyone out there who would be interested in this? I am into many things, most of all helping myself and anyone who wants to find a better way to live!! StarPeridot

Yes, I would.. I too have suffered since age 16 and now I'm 51.

You've definitely come to the right place, starPeridot.

There are several of us on here that suffer from Bipolar or Depression, and the support system here is wonderful. You won't find a better group of folks.

Hi Burt, Thank you for responding to my friend request. It means so much to make a new friend. I live in Belleville, Illinois with my husband Bill and our Brittany dog girl MissyLou. We enjoy hunting, fishing and camping. I also enjoy sewing. MissyLou and I are going start puppy-be-good lessons soon and with her as my first student, I am going to learn dog training. What do you enjoy doing?

Hi Michelle, Thank you for your kind words and your response to my friend request. I enjoy being creative. I sew a lot and I make phone cases, gun cases, clothing and when I get my commercial machine I want to learn upholstery and how to work with leather. I love to learn new things and for me, learning is a very healing experience. What are your hobbies?

Hi starPeridot

Thank You for your upbeat message !!!

Connie and I live in Ormond Beach FL and have to shuttle back and forth to property in Holly Hill / Daytona Beach.

We oversee an 8-room Mom & Pop Motel.

My sickness prevents me from owning property, so the house and motel is in a trust run by a tax attorney lady.

Connie is much better at dealing with the people, so for 6 months out of the year, she has to be alone running the property, and I have to run the house alone.

Well, it's a great strain on both of us and just recently she was able to move back home, "Thank You Jesus" !!!

So, you caught me at a good time.

We have 5 cats at the house and a bird which travels with Connie.

Two cats at the motel and a dog.

Goodness !!!

I have to take 3 medications in the morning and 3 at night.

Most of the time, I like to sit quietly and work out my thoughts and feelings to keep calm and stable.

Connie started an on-line garage sale about 3 years ago and has about 3000 members.

It was very difficult to keep all of those people, "playing nice", so good fortune stepped in, and now someone in Montreal Canada has figured out how to manage it well and she is in the
process of shifting everyone over to: https:
//www.varagesale.com/users/sign_in

So, a lot of quiet time looking at the river, playing with the cats and watching them sleep is what I do to cope.

I've had a very horrific battle and man has it left some scars !

I just want to heal and be left alone.

I have been hospitalized, institutionalized, incarcerated, homeless, hungry and penniless several times over.

I would never, ever, ever, wish the horrors I've experienced upon my worst, worst enemy.

Just quiet alone with my thoughts is the best thing I can do now to heal.

I keep a bunch of computers running smoothly.

I smoke a lot of cigarettes, and stay in the house all day every day.

Connie and I have no education so we came to work for my dad.

We were live-in caregivers until he passed in 2009 at the age of 87 years.

I have a hard time staying and keeping upbeat because during the time that Connie and I were helping out at the motel, and serving as caregivers while hospice came to help out, my biological brothers who have college did everything they could to push Connie and I on the street.

We were already there because of our illness.

They thought it just was a lazy excuse.

It was and is not.

My Mom, Grandma and Aunt had it.

I got it real bad being the youngest.

I didn't have kids because I didn't want to pass it down.

But, Connie is back home, and I'm doing much better.

It took 25 years to find the right medication, and I'm grateful for that.

I went through a very powerful mystical experience in 1983, and I couldn't understand it, my family couldn't and the doctors could not.

I heard the Voice of God and the voices of demons.

It scared the living bejesus out of me, and ended me up in a straight-jacket.

I don't mess with any of that heavy duty mystical stuff anymore, because it is too darn frightening !!!

I understand that psychosis is an actual mystical experience, and they even say so in the Wikipedia:

http:
//en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychosis#cite_ref-105

But the cats and the quiet and the sunshine do much to heal me.

But, my brothers tried to physically harm me even at our father's wake.

I'm just so glad that is all over with.

I do understand though that the suppression of the female energy has been going on for centuries and I hang out in The Goddess forum a lot over here:

http:
//forums.bellaonline.com/ubbthreads.php/topics/834740#Post8834732

And I have established some good, solid friendships over there.

Welcome Aboard

I hope I can help you and your loved ones in some measure.

Sincerely,

Burt B.

I love to read, and I enjoy writing as well. In fact I write for the SciFi/Fantasy Movies site here at BellaOnline.

I also enjoy making jewelry - mostly just beading. But I love seeing what combinations I can come up with and watching how different colors play together.

I had gotten out of enjoying all of this for quite a few years. In addition to taking an anti-depressant I was on Abilify for my mood swings due to Bipolar. We finally figured out that my lack of interest in everything was due to the Abilify being too high, so a few months ago my doctor adjusted the dose down some and I found my creativity again.

I've tried sewing in the past, I'm not terribly good at it, but then again I was trying to teach myself. I made one dress for my daughter for Easter several years ago that I felt turned out cute, but that was the only one I accomplished. I admire you for being able to sew!

Burt, I don't think I've ever heard your whole story before. Wow, you have been through a lot. No wonder you don't want to leave the house - that is literally your sanctuary.

Hi Burt, OMG You have been through a lot!! And that is the under-statement of the year. I wouldn't leave the house either. I am so happy that Connie was able to come home!! A lot of my depression comes from using drugs for many years. I used methamphetamine marijuana heroin alcohol cigarettes and even acid. Using acid one night I saw demons melt off the wall and needless to say I never did that again. Eight years ago I took a big leap of faith and came out here to Belleville from Sacramento, CA to quit using. Leaving everyone I knew and moving far away was a terrifying experience for me. And it has taken me all of these eight years to get over it. I understand paranoia and being so ugly depressed I didn't want to be alive. My brain chemistry wont allow me take anti-depressants or anything else, so I have turned to natural remedies. I grew up in an adopted family because my mother was mentally ill, although I have never been able to find out how bad or exactly what the illness was. I was more like ADHD. And I think that was part of what attracted me to getting high. Relief for something I never understood or got any help for. I grew up depressed. I only recently found out my mother had issues because I have been able to find some birth family members. They have been more family to me than my adopted family ever was. Its been really cool to learn about my family and I have enjoyed knowing them. So much so that I dis-owned my adopted family. We all never got along anyway. I know that for me its been difficult to stay balanced mentally. And it seems that the older I get the harder it is to stay balanced. But all we can do is our best and there are always going to be those who do not understand. My husband doesn't always understand how hard it is for me at times. We are special to each other and we really are the only ones who can give true support to each other. Animals are excellent therapy. My dog Missy Lou gives me unconditional love and she always seems to understand what I need.

Hi Michelle, I used to make jewelry as well. I would mount cool looking stones in nice settings and play with beads as well. I haven't done that for so long. I love to collect rocks and polish them in my rock tumbler. I could probably mount them in nice settings hang them on a chain and sell them. I taught myself how to sew too. But its all about what you feel comfortable with. We also have a 35ft travel trailer that we enjoy camping and traveling with. We have been to Wyoming S Dakota New Mexico Arkansas Missouri Texas Kentucky North Carolina Tennessee Idaho Colorado Utah Nebraska Iowa Louisiana so far. Since I cannot take anti-depressants I enjoy playing with herbs and natural remedies. I do OK with them most of the time but those of you who are on prescription meds should not play with herbs.

Yeah... they call that self-medicating... my brothers and I did that a lot.

I always knew something was wrong but couldn't put my finger on it.


Making a move like that should help.

It's scary though !!

Moving back and forth from MI to FL really freaked me out.

A lot of people around us think we're just lazy and don't want to get out of bed.

They have no idea of how painful depression can be.

Chelle, that is soooo cool how you get to go around in you 35ft trailer !!!

Beautiful !!

Burt, that's starPeridot that has the trailer. I'm a homebody, lol!

Oops... Sorry duh

Hi Burt, Yeah, I hear ya! It is self medicating, but I would rather do that than take prescription meds.

Hey... Who am I to judge?

I've seen things, and done things that no human being should be allowed to see or do.

My drug of choice?

Sleep... Glorious Sleep..

This lady seems to agree:

http:
//natashatracy.com/mental-illness-issues/bipolar-drug-choice-sleep/

Count me in starP! I was Dx at age 20 (43 now) although I suspect I had been suffering from severe major depressive disorder from a much younger age. I get it. Completely. Hugs to you and everyone else here.

Wow Burt, Sounds like you have been thru hell and back. But you are doing okay now it sounds like! Well, at least better than before :lovers:

Yeah, it was quite a journey... to say the least. It is the only condition other than a serious crime where they can strip you of your civil liberties and work you in a modern day slave labor camp legally. They called it a 'sheltered workshop' and it is signed by the Secretary of Labor:

Note the term sub-minimum wages...

http:
//en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sheltered_workshop

I worked 80 hours bi-weekly and got a whopping $15 !!!

After they took 70% of my SSI for living expenses.

Happy, Happy, Joy Joy !!

But, heck that was in the dark deep past of 1992.. whatta ya gonna do ?

I'm not looking for sympathy, it's just a serious illness and the part of your brain that tells you you are sick is sick and you think you're fine.

Pretty neat Cosmic Joke huh?!

These days, I have to sit for hours and just work through my psychology, day in -- day out.

Many hours just quiet thinking.

The biggest battle I have now is quite frankly staying in the now.

Part of the illness makes me regurgitate the past with all of the woulda, coulda shouldas -- very unhealthy.

It's interesting to note that you got Dx at 20, most gals usually don't get it kicking in until their 30's.

Got mine at 16.

Man what a cluster-chuck. We all thought it was just teenage BS, but then I went into the hospital at 22, 23, 27, 30, 33... yuck !

I'm just soooo glad it's pretty much over and handled with meds... but so is my youth.

I still feel 17 inside but bod is talkin' 51 .

Yeah, had some pretty freaky moments with the schizophrenic component, but now everyone is saying that it was a legitimate mystical experience... why didn't someone prepare me?

Whatever..

This guy does a good job at explaining what the frig happened and why:

http:
//www.youtube.com/watch?v=G6mMb83Mp7U&feature=c4-overview-vl&list=PL51814D4C1329C549

wow! great video share! That is truly amazing. I believe I am a true level 6 or 7 for sure! I am going to have to watch the other videos this guys has. Just curious, was this incarceration you speak of, was this a Baker Act? Or voluntary? I am also in Florida (Ft Lauderdale) my husband is a crisis intervention officer with the Miami police dept. He is a police officer but he is the guy everyone calls if they need someone to be Baker Acted.

The Baker Act is a 72-hour mandatory hospital evaluation.

I was Baker Acted in 1997.

It takes three signatures and the reason they always call your husband is because he's one of the three and trained in crisis intervention.

The other 2 are usually family members.

Got in some bar fights along the way, arguments with my brothers, and hung with some unscrupulous folks for a time.

I just read that although Johnny Cash cultivated the outlaw image quite a bit, he only actually spent overnight in jail only a few times for misdemeanors and had an honorable discharge from the Air Force as a Staff Sargent... show business is such an illusion !!!

Hi Michele, it seems we are slowly growing in here.

I think i'm striving to be a level 6 - I goof up sometimes, though.

Burt, I was hospitalized once, but it was by my own choice. I had been having thoughts of suicide and decided I needed help before things got too far.

Yeah, that's good Chelle, Thank God you had the guts to make the call...

I mean, I wasn't too crazy about being in the hospital, but hey... it the long run, it did help !!

Hi Chelle, Kudos for getting help. And more so for admitting it. I used to have no shame and would openly discuss my issues with folks, mainly to increase awareness, because so many people see me as this "pillar of stability" which is not true at all. Well, I always thought I was doing something good and right, of course I was wrong because I would get it thrown up in my face or was judged harshly (mainly for having to take meds) So for years I kept quiet about it. But now being in my 40's, I could care less what people think. These are the same people that have no clue about depression. I don't mind sharing my story or history at all. If it helps just one person it is worth it!

Boy Howdy !

You gals gotta listen to this lady:

http:
//www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Ki9dgG3P5M

Hello All, I just watched the videos from the new posts. And, although I don't think I am bi-polar, I am inspired by the courage you all have demonstrated by coming out with your stories. You are beautiful human beings whom we all can learn from.

Yeah, I'm bi-polar and I am always digging into that aspect of it.

Do you have a DSM Diagnosis?

Then I can help you research in that area.

Hi Burt, I don't know what a "DSM" is. I have never even been to a mental health practitioner. I have been diagnosed by a regular MD as being depressed and was given anti-depressants. And that led to Serotonin Syndrome and was told not to take anti-depressants. So that is why I deal with my difficulties on my own. I have done a lot of research and, by trial and error come up with something that works for me. I find the world of natural medicine to be very interesting and more forgiving to trial and error than prescription medications. There are some people who cannot take them. I am always open to learning new things.

Star, Burt was referring to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, basically the Bible" of psychologist. Its a break down of symptoms and personality traits that helps them give an accurate Dx

Well starPeridot, you are very fortunate not to have to go on prescription meds.

There are a lot of wicked side affects, like having your tongue stick out involuntarily from the base of the tongue.

I've had a lot of good luck with this stuff, although it can get pricey.

http:
//www.truehope.com/new/

starPeridot......I am 46 and have battled depression for most of my life. At different times I have gone the counseling route, but a good deal of the time I have just tried to help myself. It takes a lot of work sometimes in the way of self help......surrounding myself with supportive people, reading and saying positive affirmations to myself, praying, taking care of myself body and soul, and accepting who I am, flaws and all. I analyze why I am feeling the way I do and I somehow pull myself up.

Sometimes the depression does get to me and I sink into a dark hole for a while. But at least I recognize it and know what is going on. I was offered medication once or twice in my life but I refused. I feel like I have conquered it time and again mostly on my own. At the present time I am not doing too badly with it, but I know I am predisposed to this condition. If it ever gets too bad to where I can't function then I will have to turn to medication. But for now I fight it the best I can so I can avoid having to take more medications than I really need. Life is a tough business, but I do the best I can taking one day at a time.

I wish you well.

Hi Debbie Life really is a tough business, but GOD helps those who help themselves and he has blessed me with sobriety and all of you who have reached out to me. ADHD has been a challenge along with finding the right combination of herbs and amino acids that make daily life tolerable. I still sink into that dark hole of depression and self pity occasionally but it doesn't last near as long as it used too, and its not as intense as used to be. Just finding BellaOnline and knowing that there really are people who understand and care is a huge relief and a tremendous help.

Burt, I am very lucky to be able to stay away from prescription meds. And I think if I can keep myself healthy enough, I can permanently stay off of them. I cannot even imagine what you have been through. I looked up truehope.com and it looks like there might be some good info there.

Why, Thank You !!:)!!!

Let's hear more of your story...

Burt!
Going to see a new kitty tomorrow.. A rescue one! Wish me luck!

Here kkkk ittyyy here... kitty !

All of our little scum bums are rescues, except Freddie who came from my brother !

Science of Kitty Cats:

http:
//www.youtube.com/watch?v=PoGXr6hUTD4

Good Luck, Good Fortune, and Safe Journey !! !!!

For you and kkiiikkkaaakkitttyykatt

starPeridot......it is great talking with you. We are always here if you need us

Burt.....you have such cute little scum bums!

I went to visit the kitty today.

I had no karma with him. He had a cold and aniti's...made me feel uneasy. He was beautiful but wasn't for me! That was hard turning down a baby kitten. But I know it was right!

It is amazing how the perfect cat (or any animal really) just resonates with you.

The way we adopted our Trouble was we went looking a black kitten. We went to the humane society, and I knew exactly what I had in mind. My husband even found the perfect kitten, black and fluffy, and I was walking down the row to go see it when this little grey paw stuck out from it's cage and snagged my sweater. I looked in and it was love at first sight.

The kitten wasn't even officially up for adoption, because the officer who brought her in said she was "not friendly" and "not ready for people". That kitten rolled around in my arms playing with my hair and earrings, and we were like "this is not friendly?" They went ahead and let us adopt her.

What a great story Chelle! I totally know what you mean!

He wasn't the one for us. My husband has always insisted that I choose the animal/s in our family, because he knows I have an insight/karma/intuition, whatever you want to call it, that he doesn't have when it comes to picking a furry friend.

He's an awesome petter and cuddler, but I'm the best picker! Our animals are so loving and non-violent....so I'm still looking:)

Thank You ... They Thank You Too !! !!!!

Burt, Your little "Scum Bums" are so precious. If you will tell me how to post pics I will show you my MissyLou.

Ok, it's a little tricky on this site so bear with me.

1) Go to http:
//photobucket.com/

And make an account.

2) Then upload all the photos you want.

3) After uploading click on the photo you want to show here, and on the right, you have to copy "Direct" under links to share this photo.

It will look like this:

http:
//i1197.photobucket.com/albums/aa437/burtdayt/mothermarysmall-4.jpg

But that is the ' raw ' link. You have to put it inside something here to recognize it.

Then go to "My Stuff" above, "Edit Profile" and at the very bottom it will say "URL to your avatar" click on that button then paste the 'raw link' in the box and click "Submit".

That will put the picture where I have mine.

PUTTING IT HERE IS DIFFERENT:

When you reply choose Reply or Full Reply window not quick reply .

On the full reply window right above where I'm typing now, is a row of icons starting on the left with a smiley.

The 4th one down from left to right is "Enter a Image".

I usually enter center floating, then a box will come up to put the link in.

Then you get this after you preview the post:

Hello everyone, How have you been? A lot has been happening in my life since I last posted. We got a new Brittany Puppy, he is 4mo old now and two dogs are a handful. They are both in obedience classes and they are going to be good canine citizens. I also want them to be therapy dogs. I don't fall into the depression/self pity hole much anymore, mostly because I don't have time. I decided to trade Life, Love and Learning for the self pity hole of depression. I hope all of you are doing well and please drop me a line and let me know how you are!!!

Good for you, starPeridot. That is great news. I am doing well and looking forward to the new year. Best wishes!