I know it's different for everyone, obviously, but I need help. I lost my baby at 12 weeks in April 2008. Sometimes, like November (when the baby was due) and Mother's Day I spend the week feeling awful. But sometimes nothing in particular will set me off on a whole day of crying. It's been such a long time now, and I don't know what to do to get some closure or some sense of having dealt with the whole thing. I can't really talk to my family, they weren't very supportive and they all just say, "I guess it wasn't meant to be". And my fiance gets equally upset about it, so I end up having to comfort him. I will never ever forget my little jellybean, and I have no desire to completely put it out of my mind. I just need to know how I can deal with this in such a way that I don't end up in the throes of an all out emotional breakdown. Any advice at all would be greatly appreciated.

I know in my family, having lost my cute little nephew before he had a chance to live, that the heartache never really goes away. I would suggest -strongly- that you find a grief group and join it. You sound like you need more help than that granted by time alone, and some loving people who understand the same feelings might be the best way to get past the acute pain and move into the pain of acceptance.

You have my best wishes and some warm hugs. :-) Hang in there.

You're right, it is different for everyone. This last March I went into an early labor at 20.6 weeks into my pregnancy. My baby boy was born and had a heartbeat but wasn't viable and only lived a few short seconds. I had to pay to have a funeral, and was sent a death certificate before I received a birth certificate. By far, this was the hardest thing that had ever happend to me in my life, and something not many can try to understand. The memories that I have of him are not many but I treasure them. (Most being pregnant with him) My Dr. perscribed me some anti-depressents but I stopped taking them last month, because I feel it is healthier to feel true emotions. I just got past the day he was supposed to be born, and that was very hard. If you can find a support group that you can talk to about this I am sure that it will help you. (you can get information from your local hospital). I joined a developing community church, that has lots of support and friendships. It is okay to think about your baby,(I do everyday) or even talk about him/her. Have you thought about becoming pregnant again? That's okay too, and nothing to feel bad about. (We told him that we will try again to have him, and that he has to find his way back to us, even if he's a girl). I also wear an angel necklace around my neck so that I know he is always with me. Light a candle on his birthday, keep a journal, take time for yourself, get a pedicure, or visit a place that just make you feel good. Remember that it is okay to cry. "She was not blessed with the joys of raising this child, provided a totally loving and selfless environment for this soul to finish its work and achieve its eternal peace. In this vein, the definition of "life" is expanded. Providing the eternal peace and serenity to a soul whose life's objective has thus been completed can certainly, from a spiritual prospective, be seen as a conferral of "life" of the highest order." I hope some of this can ease your heartache.