Hi... I just turned 27 years old and have lost four babies already. I do not have any children yet. I am starting to realize that I cannot move past this pain. I lost 2 at the age of 18, one at 23, and one at 25. People say that it gets better with time, but it really has not. I don't think people that have not gone through it themselves can possibly understand. I have tried to get through it by telling myself things over and over like "God knows I wasn't ready." "The circumstances were really bad." "It just wasn't meant to happen." My fear is that I can't have children and it does not make it easier to be around those who do. I have talked to my OBGYN and they administered hormone tests to me which came out fine. I can get pregnant, but now fear miscarrying again. Actually, the miscarriages have affected my relationships. I just came out of a relationship with the father of my last miscarried baby. I seem to be living a destructive circle. Any advice or comments would be greatly appreciated. I just need to know that someone really understands.

Angel,

I'm so sorry to hear of your losses. I think it does and doesn't get better with time. I've had two miscarriages this year. I just realized the first due date is coming up, and suspect that will be a very difficult time.

I worry that you may be focusing on your perceived faults and not celebrating your inner strength. You have made it through 4 horrible tragedies, and at a very young age. You must be a very strong person that believes in the power and healing nature of love - you tried again to have a child, you entered into a new relationship even though one didn't work for you in the past. That takes courage.

You have a lot to offer a child. Don't give up. You are young! Go see a fertility specialist instead of an OBGYN. Maybe you won't be able to have a child, but you will regret it all your life if you don't find out if you can. Maybe the time hasn't been right yet.

I wish you luck and knowledge,
Laurie

Laurie,

Thank you for your kind words. I am sorry to hear that you have been through the same experiences. It is a very difficult thing to experience (over and over again) and alone. I have tried to stay away from the things that make me sad and remind me of of the pain. I am fighting really hard to not let it destroy me. What do you find has helped you to cope?

Angel

Two nights later I started spotting then I had terrible cramps all night. I started bleeding properly early the next morning. I have had awful cramps for 4 nights now though the bleeding itself isnt any heavier than a period. I am absolutely exhausted and want to know what to expect. I called the hospital and they wouldnt tell me anything without me coming in. The last thing I need right now is to wait for hours in a room full of pregnant people. Can anyone please tell me how long this pain will last? I need a good nights sleep but the only painkiller that will touch this is solpadeine which has caffeine in. I had an ectopic at 9 weeks which was very different - lots of big clots which I havent had this time.




Ovarian Cysts No More

The only advice I can give you is true peace comes from God. It's easy to type, much harder to believe. Trust Him to take the pain, the fear, the anger, the uncertainty. Only He can heal your heart. Only He knows the answer of whether or not you will have a child. I have two babies in heaven now. I know the pain. Somedays...it's harder then others, but each day is still a blessing, still an opportunity. Find peace in Him. That's the only advice I can give.

Take care,