I do not know how to handle this anymore - I am at my wit's end and ready to explode!!! My daughter, grandson and I live in a duplex in an apartment complex. Our neighbor moved in 2 months after we did. Our front doors are about 18" apart and at the end of a common area entry hall. The neighbor informed us when they were moving in that she would be running a "day care center". We were shocked and told her there are rules in apartment complex's and running a business from your apartment is not allowed. She said she had "cleared it with the manager". We spoke with the management, (who knew nothing about that at the time )told them we did not want to live next to a "day care center", the reason we got a single story duplex was to have a little more quiet and a lot less neighbors so close to us. The manager explained that they had to change the neighbor's lease and that she would only be "babysitting" and was told she could not ever have more than three children there at a time. Well she now has 4, and the cars and people are coming in and out at all times during the day from 6:30 AM till after 5PM, parking crooked and taking up two spaces and my daughter often cannot park in front of our apartment because of these people taking up spaces. (my daughter has been on crutches due to a knee surgery). Once I had to ask one of my neighbors clients to please not take up two spaces when she comes here and she apologized, said she did not realized she had done that - well, she was parked so crooked I do not know how she could not have noticed. This morning I had to ask another lady, at 6:30AM to please not slam the neighbor's door when she comes in and out.

Just a little while ago, my neighbor comes over and starts yelling at me for "yelling at her clients" and told me I had no right to talk to her clients at all and that I was to come to her if I had a complaint about her clients. I told her this is my home and I have a right to ask people to stop something if they are annoying us and waking up my grandson so early in the mornings, every morning and taking up more than one parking space. My neighbor informed me that this is "her business, her clients and I am not to upset them".

How would you handle this? This is not a place of business, but a residence and my neighbor expects us to conform to her business rules so as "not to upset her clients". I am really so upset right now I am shaking. I do not even trust myself to go to the office and complain about this for fear of losing my temper and making an idiot out of myself!!!

There have been many other annoyances besides the ones I mentioned above. The second week they were here they had stored in the common enty hall a lot of junk from their storage that the neighbor herself told me was full of rat droppings and hair. I asked them to move it out immediately due to the possibility of disease. (Look up on the internet what diseases rate droppings can spread.)

They had put tons of outdoor toys, slides, gym stuff, etc in the front yard for the day care center and had to be told by management to move it.

They often snap at my grandson and his friends to be quiet when going in and outside because the kids she are watching are taking naps.

I am so sick of these people! We do not have the peace of a relaxing home, but are living next to trashy and rude people. I hate it!!!

Smudge her.

Just kidding. Well, not really.
If I were in your shoes, my husband would advise me to wait until I cooled down before doing anything. I tend to speak my mind and, often, it can be spoken more appropriately when I am calm.

You have already tried to approach your neighbor. You may want to approach her one more time stating that this is a problem between the two of you and you would like to resolve it with her (I'm guessing she wouldn't be open to that). Remain calm no matter what.

If she's not able to resolve the situation with you - I'd approach management again. It sounds like the rules have changed. Find out what the current rules are - how they feel about the "babysitting" going on from early morning until evening, if there are any noise rules she should be adhering to and what parking rules can be enforced.

Smudge yourself before (and after) you approach her or management. Stay calm and state your situation as best you can (that would be my problem - not getting heated and over-passioned).

I hope it works out! What a terrible situation to be in. yuck.

You are right, Lisa. I do need to smudge myself before I take any action in order to calm down and get rid of the negativity around here. I wish I could smudge her! I will wait till morning before I decide how to handle this. My main point is that this is a residence, our home, and that we should not have to conform to the requests/requirements of a business operation that my neighbor decides to run from an apartment.

Call the local zoning board and see if the duplex is zoned to run a business out of. Call the local social services department and have them come out to see if there is enough room and such to do babysitting. Also, tell them that there is a lot of crying and yelling going on and they will come out to check things out

Tell your neighbor that if the parking situation doesn't change, then you will have a policeman out there in the morning to make sure they are properly parked.

Make a complaint with the management office every single day until things change and if they are still being rude and obnoxious, make sure that your son and his friends make plenty of noise in the early afternoon everyday and when your neighbor tells them to quiet down just politely tell her that they are your son's friends and she has no business telling your son and his friends what to do. Just like she does to you about her clients and the parking deal. lol.

I hope it's resolved soon, Phyllis.

I like Lance's suggestions!

Wow, Vance! Could you just come over here and stay till we have this resolved? They will not keep up this kind of .... for long if you were here!!!

Thanks for the tips. I will call these places - without giving my name or the apt complex name yet unless things get out of hand.

It did not occur to me that she feels she has the right to yell at my grandson's friends yet I have no right to speak with her "clients". MMMMM...something is not quite couth about that.

Yes most definitely I would get a notebook and start keeping a log. Document everything. Then go to management and prove that she is doing something illegal. Make sure you notify the town hall and everybody too. This is not something that should be done in a shared building. She is taking advantage of you and the situation and it is doubtful she is going to give up her "illegal income" unless forced to.

Thanks, Lisa! I will get out a notebook and start documenting. I really appreciate all of you guys and your tips and support - you are great!!!

Hmmm.....don't day care places need business licenses? I know that they do in my State. I'd check to see if she has one.

Good idea, Llyn. I am curious about that.

Hi Phyllis!

I've always enjoyed your posts on the forum, and came across this thread.

I am so sorry you have to deal with this!

As you document in your notebook, make sure to include the date and time of each note or post, along with lots of details�don�t worry about what may be significant or insignificant, just document it all. Hopefully you won�t need it, but if things don�t improve, you�ll have a great starting point with lots of detailed information at your fingertips.

Also, make copies of your notes, or store a copy or file on your computer (with a backup copy somewhere else as well, in case of a computer crash).

I think you�ve had excellent advice here, and just wanted to throw my 2 cents in too.

Hang in there!!

I would also go out and take pictures of the client cars taking up the space and note it in your log, so you have visual proof of what they're doing too.

Hi Phyllis!

How is everything going? Any updates?

I hope it's going better!

Until management feels threatened they will not do anything... or their hands may be tied from a legal standpoint. You may need to consult with a lawyer and ask if you have a case against either or both of the parties. Ask, also, the local police. They know all about the local laws and can point you in the right direction.
Unfortunately, you may find that you have no recourse... in which case you will have to decide to get along. We had trouble with our duplex neighbors once. They brought in two five foot tall speakers. They broke into our house thru the upstairs window. They stole our roto-tiller and air compressor from the garage that we had recently gotten due to my husband's father's recent death.
That situation never did clear up until the management company got notification from the police that they were having to come out to settle neighbor disputes. (Your mileage may vary depending on your citie's codes). Because of the police reports the management company could legally oust the tenents.


Best of luck!

Phyllis,
Make a pest of yourself, in other words do everything that has been suggested about getting in touch with child welfare authorities, making sure the building is not licensed for businesses, talking to management, the police about parking,etc. Document everything as Lisa has said!!

If you have to, get a lawyer for a free consultation. Most will do that or go to Legal Aid in your area and ask them about your legal rights. You have a child under your roof and his welfare is being endangered by what this women is doing.(Noise, rat droppings, anger issues from this her, strange people whom you don't know coming and going, etc).

Blessings and best of luck!

Greetings:

I agree with all of the suggestions already. I live in New York City, so you know I've had some neighbor issues:) I always go straight to the landlord with my complaints. I know, I know, it feels like "tattling" but it's the best way to keep the peace. Also in NYC, we have this 311 number we can call to report neighbors for infringing on our quaility of life with noise etc. Not sure if other cities have this. But someone did mention the zoning board. That sounds like a good idea.

take care,

Leah

Thank you, Kristen and everyone, for your advise. There have been some updates. Last week my neighbor had a woman visitor, they got in a loud altercation (I think one hit the other), the police were called by both women and the paramedics showed up. As usual, taking all of your advice, I let the office know right away what was going on and that I was very concerned and fearful of our safety. It started around 8:15 AM and the police were here at her apartment and out front till after 9AM.

After speaking with the manager in the office I was told that my neighbor would be spoken to, yet again, and would be given a "final notice" because "this type of behaviour and inconsideration will not be tolerated" - the office already had our complaints of everything else on file.

This morning (and yesterday morning) one of the mothers who drops her baby off every morning slammed the door again and woke my grandson up. When I asked her (again) to please not slam the door, that she once again disturbed and woke my grandson, she retorted in a very rude way then she said "if you don't like noise you should not be living in an apartment complex!". I will let the complex manager know, yet again, that my neighbors visitors/clients are being rude and disrepectful. The office manager told me that if there are any further problems to be sure and let them know - well, they will hear about this. It is bad enough that the neighbor is inconsiderate, but, now her 'clients'? Too much!

I will also (I have hesitated on this one for fear of repercussions from the neighbor) call social services and the zoning board today and get some feedback from them.

If we could move, we would - but it is impossible at this time. I feel the management should either move the people away from us or evict the neighbor for being so rude and inconsiderate with both her and her visitors and clients disturbing us so much.

I really appreciate all your concern and advice. Thank you.

In the UK we have various authorities that oversee child carers because there are all sorts of rules around health and safety in the home that carers looking after other people's children in their homes have to observe (never mind nurseries and so on). Would the Health and Safety people in your area not be interested in this?

Phyllis - work on the assumption that this neighbor is already overstepping their bounds wildly and will be gone soon. So anything you do will simply be accelerating the inevitable. They can move somewhere where they can put up playgyms and have space for the kids to run around in. It will be a win win for everybody. They simply do not belong in your location given what they are doing.

I would even carry a tape recorder when you go down to talk with the parents and make it obvious that you are doing it. See if that changes how they talk with you.

Oh! And get a decibel meter, they aren't *that* much - and start recording how loud these noises are. That way you have more proof that they are infringing on your home peace and quiet.

An update on the situation:

The neighbor has been repeatedly warned and repeatedly continues to break the rules. The management told me she been given a final warning, the next step is to be asked to vacate. She now has had, for over a week, storing a lot of stuff in the entry way again, which is a common area. This makes it a safety hazard in case there is an emergency like a fire or earthquake. The night securtiy guard has told us he made documentation on it, but that was over a week ago and the stuff is still there.

My daughter has asked me not to make any more complaints, fearing repercussions from the neighbors. The management has offered us a "deal". If we move to another location, away from this neighbor, they will give us a discount for all the inconvience we have endured. We accepted. The new apartment will be on the other side of the street, in a better area, closer to everything (gym, pool, etc) and will have a washer/dryer in the unit.

This is good for us, but, I am concerned as to why the neighbor is getting away with all this nonsense and rule-breaking. Well, she will no longer be our concern after we move.

Even though we will come out better on this, I hate the thought of moving once again. Maybe (I tell myself) the management wants us out and at a safe distance when they evict the neighbor.?!

Phyllis, I wish you happiness in your new apartment. I live in a low income housing project with over 300 families. I know how miserable people can make it for you. I took to kicking my neighbors door and screaming at her (I don't recommend this) but i just couldn't stand her music any longer. After my 3rd complaint to the manager still nothing was done, I finally went to someone above my manager. And she got evicted for numerous breaking of the lease.
Only thing is some one else just moved in and the second day they were here her live in boyfriend broke into my cellar. Sad thing is we can't choose our neighbors

That is so true, Rosie. When one lives in apartment complexes, you are at the mercy of the whims of management as to who lives next to you.

Phyllis...

I know it's a pain, but I'm glad to hear you are moving to a better area with a few more perks.
It will be nice to get away from this neighbor.

That is awesome and an ideal resolution!! You get a better apartment, you get a quieter situation and you are far away from that person no matter what happens. I think you should look on this as a HUGE blessing and a chance to do some house cleaning and reorganizing while you're at it!

Thanks Lisa and Lisa! I have been a little down just thinking about the move, but you both have just cheered me up and helped me to have a better outlook on this resolution - which I know is the best outcome of all this.