We are about to officially enter the holiday season. With that come the demands. Especially the demands for our time and money. It's far too easy to say yes to every request that comes along. Especially for women, we tend to be wired to please. We hate to disappoint. But it's just not prudent, nor healthy to say yes to every request. Too many yeses will send us to the land of resentment. And that's not a pretty place to visit.

So the question is what can we do to to regain some balance? How do you say no and feel good about it? Or do you find yourself struggling with it and saying yes more than you would like?

It's not that I wish to please, I think. I am way too self absorbed for that. but that I hate to be perceived as a slacker, a failure or disorganized person. That is why for me it is hard to say no.

Welcome Kelly Jayne!

You are so right. I was the 'yes' girl. Only recently have I found my power of 'no'.

How do I do it? I often start out saying, let me think about it. Then, if my spirit (or my schedule) never feels like yes, I simply say "No, not this time." Or, "No, maybe next time." Or, "No, I've got too much on my plate already." Or, "No," with a smile of course; in these instances I only offer a reason if I am asked. Sometimes the answer is, "I feel like something else is lurking in my schedule & I just don't have it on my calendar," because that is usually the truth.

I must say, I've also prefaced everyone on the fact that I am learning to say no.

I am thoroughly enjoying the rewards. I've committed myself to making this a habit (thinking b4 committing).

Hi Yvonnie. Good for you! It sounds like you have mastered the skill of saying no. It's not always easy to say no but it sure makes life more enjoyable in the end. I love your phrase "thinking b4 committing". Thanks for sharing!

Hi Jill. I totally understand how you don't want to be perceived as a slacker or in any other less than flattering way. I struggle with that same thing sometimes. But I wonder if it's really true or have I projected what I think people will think. When someone says no to me I never judge them, so it's not realistic for me to think others are judging me. What I am trying to say is I doubt we have any evidence that would support the belief that people may see us in an unflattering light when we say no. It's more likely they will respect us for setting appropriate boundaries.

Dear Kelly Jayne -

We have a free online course here on learning to say no -

http://www.bellaonline.com/course/

I think much of it is practice! The more we can practice saying no, the easier it gets over time!

That's great to hear Lisa. I will remember it as a resource. I include a question of the week in my newsletter along with a related how-to micro article. This week the question was 'how do you say no', hence the posting here. Hopefully some readers will pop on over and chime in.

Practice makes perfect...

I believe this, thus my commitment. Kelly Jayne, I am still practicing.

Love your question of the week idea. I think I'll try it.

I have some people that want more free time from me than i have. I really don't know how to tell them no without sounding like I don't like them. Suggestions?