Hello,

I`m sure this is a very common source of doubt & frustration for many women but here goes;

I have been in a wonderful relationship with my guy for 2 1/2 years. No dark clouds on the horizon.

BUT...

About a year ago he started talking about marriage. Just casually but still in a way that let me know he was thinking about it. And the way he did also let me know that there was no doubt in his mind that this was "it", that he knew (as I did) that we had finally met our match.

Having been divorced and being of a not pushy nature I left it at that. I always believed that when it comes to big stuff between 2 people I`d rather let the other make overtures so that I know it`s totally coming from them & not some sort of pressure I would have put on.

In the last year or so I`ve also become aware that I want children. It`s such a gut feeling that I find myself crying at the thought of not having a child. Again he would talk about "when we have kids..." so I assumed eventually we would.

But in the last 6 months these "hints" have all but disappeared. Nothing has changed on the surface but I find myself wondering why we have never had a real conversation about this. And for some reason I find myself unable to just ask him. I must be scared of the answer and even more scared that he'll answer me whatever he thinks is right.

In my mind I just thought "Don`t ask, if he really wants these things he`ll tell you".

Now his younger brother is getting married & he`s joked that he`s now off the hook. Friends of ours are trying to conceive & I mentionned that after 35 your chances of conception drop (hoping for SOMETHING) but nope. I`m 32, he`s 36.

If I was watching this on a talkshow I`d say that he`s getting the milk for free but it doesn`t fit with his character.

What`s going on?

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May be you've been too passive. He may have mistaken your noncommital answers for non-interest as opposed to "not pushing". It sounds like you two need to actually talk about these issues, instead of just dropping hints to each other! Because seomthing is getting lost in translation here. you don't want to lose this man if he is perfect for you in every way, but neither do you want to waste any more time in a relationship that is going to go nowhere; not if you really DO want a husband and children.

[color:"purple"]i agree! sometimes, in an effort to not be pushy, we end up looking like we're not really interested.

you two definitely need to have a conversation!!!!!

how about starting it off with 'remember when you said *you fill in something he said* and i replied with *you fill this in with whatever you said at the time*? well, i wasn't being completely open about how i felt about the subject and i think my *lack of enthusiasum* *reply* *changing the subject* (pick whatever is accurate for what you did at the time) gave you the impression that i did not feel the same way that you did about this. i'd like to discuss it.

if you don't talk about it, you'll end up drifting apart or staying in the same pattern that you are now in. either way, you'll both end up dissatisfied.

someone has got to take the first step...sounds like he did at some point previously and now it's your turn to return that in kind.

if you are sure he's 'the one' and that he feels the same way about you, then, there's nothing to lose with opening a dialogue! honesty is always the best policy. also, if you consider him a friend (and a close one at that) then you owe it to yourself and him and the friendship between the two of you to do something to get things out in the open!!!! [/color]

Thank you!

I HAVE to talk to him. I know it seems silly but it`s very difficult for me. But then again I realise that I must take responsibilty for my happiness. I owe it to myself as a woman to get the answers I need.

Then whatever happens I`ll have the straight facts to go on instead of what I`m perceiving.

thank you

[color:"purple"]yes, it may be difficult to get started. i'm sure you'll find, that once you do, things will just flow naturally!!!

please let us know what happens!! good luck!!![/color]