If there is a living hell for a child, it is sexual abuse. Most of the children are very ignorant about sex and their own body. For them there is nothing like private parts. As they grow up they begin understanding. But many children are abused before they come to understand anything about sex. To abuse a child sexually is a heinous crime. You never know when the child may be abused sexually unless you know where your child is and with who? It is very important to know about the whereabouts of the child and the people with them.
I do not want to go into the details of what a child feels after sexual abuse. It will suffice to say that the child may develop life long sexual and mental problems. The child may carry the weight of unknown pain for all the life. To make sure that your child is not sexually abused always look for some factors. if anybody shows undue interest in your child, be careful. Do not ignore even the most near and dear ones. If someone tries to take care of your child without your request or shows any eagerness, be vigilant. Always keep this question in your mind- why this person has so much interest for my child. All the people are not abusers, but it will certainly be safe if you are vigilant.
Look for signs in your child if anytime you suspect something. Many children do not report sexual abuse even to their parents. If the child begins showing unusual behavior such as change in appetite, bed wetting, difficulty in sleeping, afraid, or any such sign that you see should make you ask your child about why? Please teach your children about their private parts and tell them that if anybody tries to touch them there, they should immediately tell you about that. As a parent your child needs your protection. A single incident may leave long shadows on your child. Please protect your child.
I have covered this fairly thoroughly on another thread, but I would just add that sexual abusers are almost always people you know and trust.
Most are the fathers or mothers of the child. Others are grandparnets, older siblings, relatives and next door neighbours. Then we get into the professional areas, such as teachers, doctors, scout leaders, priests and ministers of religion and baby sitters.
Children are warned about 'stranger danger' but only a small percentage of sexually abused children are abused by strangers.
The very fact that the abuser is a parent, or a parent's father, or brother, or a trusted friend, makes it almost impossible for the child to tell, and even be believed if they do!
Another thing which is not often considered, is the fact that women abuse children too! It isn't always men, and your child may not be safe with some of your female friends or relatives. One of my abusers was a teenage girl who was also being abused by the parish priest!
Listen to what children say casually. Sometimes you get a clue from a comment like: "(name) likes to play doctors with us" or,
"(name) rubs my tummy when I feel sick" or, "(name)likes to wrestle with me" or even something as harmless as: "(name) loves to tuck me into bed and cuddle me - and it feels nice".
It MAY be innocent, - but again, it may not be!
Always listen to 'tall stories'. They may not be so far fetched.
Also be alert if your child tells you about 'something' which happened to her/his 'friend'. It could be the child's way of trying to see how you would react to the news that it was in fact happening to them.
Watch out for peculiar questions such as:
"Why does Uncle xxx always have to kiss and touch me?" and:
"I don't like staying with Grandpa. Why do I have to go?"
Question your child GENTLY and let him/her feel that you are open and interested in everything they say. This will make it easier for them to tell you, if indeed something is going on.
If the child is of school age, you might tell them a simple story about how some people do things that they shouldn't, and use a teddy bear or a doll to illustrate. Younger children might get scared if you give too many details. It is hard to find a balance in what is enough, and what is too much to say.
Remember that if your child HAS been abused, they will have been threatened to remain silent. They may even have been told that 'you' will die if they tell.
Prevention is better than treatment after the fact, but unfortunately sexual abusers are like professional con-artists. You'd never suspect them.
My most heartfelt wish, or prayer, is that no more children should have to learn what it is to be sexually abused. If what CDM and I have said helps to save even one child from this horrific experience, then it will be a blessing.
Patience.
Patience, please rewrite the two threads with little editing and submit them to ezinearticles.com
Your writing is unbelievably good.
You are very clear, do not use dificult words, you are very logical, and compassionate.
The articles will get distributed from there.
Please.
Shall I write to Ann about this?
What is 'ezinearticles.com'?
I would be happy to help in any way. No need to ask Ann. She is my 'Inner Helper' and I'm the 'boss'!!!! (grins)
Patience.
CDM, you have my permission to copy the posts and submit them yourself if you wish. You know best where they should go so I'llleave it up to you.
Patience.
I wish that your experience helps more people.
Can you set up a blog for that.
That address can be put in the author's details .
That will help people visit the blog.
I can help you setup the blog if you want.
Not sure how to go about that. What is a 'blog'????
I really don't think I can add to what I have already said in the two threads.
Over to you!
Patience. (Percy wants to know if a 'blog' is some kind of 'bog'!!!)
A blog is a simple website that takes 5 minutes to set up.
You can then add all your writings, poems etc and everybody can view that.
Here is my blog
www.painsandpleasuresoflife.blogspot.com
Patience,
A blog is somewhat like a daily journal. It is a place where you can go daily and write. I have a blog at blogster.com and I really enjoy being able to visit it daily and write whatever comes to mind.
Kelli
Thanks for explaining, CD and Kelli.
I don't really know that a blog is my kind of thing. I rarely write for myself. I used to have to keep a journal, as part of my therapy, but I don't think I would want to put anything on a web site.
I don't mind though, CD, if you want to copy my poems - as long as you mark them as copyright - in case anyone copies them and publishes them as theirs!
Love to you both,
Patience.
I want you to have a blog .
I can set it up for you.
You can copy all the posts you aere making.
A blog can reach millions and can help spread love and care.
I will send a mail to Ann.
my husband and I are young. We kiss hug, grab eachothers butts and show each other signs of affection. Granted our children are still young and yes they see us. So what do you do if a child is just curious b/c they saw mommy and daddy smacking each others butts?
I'm not really sure how to answer this question because I don't know how young your children are. If the question comes up with your children, as far as your hitting each others behinds, always keep in mind that it is best to explain it at an age appropriate level. It sounds like this is something you do with your husband as a display of affection, which tells me you don't hit each other in an angry way or too hard. But, you also don't want your children to go around slapping someone else's behind because they think it is appropriate. I hope this answers your question.
Patience,
Your writing is good. Today.com where I blog is looking for bloggers. I think you can blog under a pen-name. It is an important topic. You would get paid $5 a post for the first month at least and then they evaluate if the site is doing good and do a combo of pay-per-post and revenue. PM me if you want more info.
cd, you write great too.
midjet, I think they say it is very healthy for children to see their parents interact in loving ways. They feel loved when the parents are loving to each other.
I think if they learn how healthy relationships work and how the ways we show love are not "secret" or "hidden" I think it can reinforce our lesson that anybody that hides affection or tries to keep a secret could be doing something bad.
One thing to note about sexual preditors is they try to prey on kids who also have problems at home. So if we are in a loving relationship that only helps us more.