Friends,

What is it that causes a person to remember only the negative things about someone to the exclusion of the good things?

Being told that the only things a person talked about was their illness, pain, and traumatic experiences when in fact they often talked about happy things and positive things.

For example: when asked, "But what about all the happy experiences?" they reply:

"Frankly, I don't remember ANY!"

Is this some kind of mental illness when people focus only on the bad?

I have just lost another friend, who has told me she is sick and tired of hearing negative stuff from me, when this is not true. I have shared many fun experiences with this person, and I don't understand why she would say this.

It is true that I have confided in her about my grief over my marriage, and other things which I did not feel able to talk about with others, but I was there to support HER when she was going through a nasty divorce in 2002.

I feel so hurt by this and am trying to understand.

AF

AF,

That is human nature. We always remember negatives more than positives.
But I believe that your friend broke the friendship for many reasons inc. her own problems.

CD - thanks for your wise words, and, you are right!

I do believe that this friend has lots of problems. She couldn't handle mine as well.

I also need to be more cautious when trusting people with personal details. When someone is in pain, there are some people who simply don't want to know.

Thanks again for your help.

AF.

Yes. It is true that negatives are always remembered.

Wouldn't it be nice is people remembered the positive as well!

I don't seem to have trouble doing this, but others certainly do. Perhaps it is easier to remember the bad. That way, people don't have to feel guilty when they hurt you.

AF.

Nice people are also remembered. But remembering wrongs gives joy to many. They feel good by putting someone down.

It's a matter of accountability, or more precisely, the avoidance of it. By putting someone else down, they avoid looking at themselves. I was taught in one of my psychology classes that it takes a minimum of 10 positives to make up for 1 negative. It's just the way our brains work.

Yes.

That is so true. Some people cannot accept responsibility for their actions, and it is easier to blame someone else.

I have experiened this too, and it hurts, but I keep telling myself that people who continually look for faults in others are really insecure, unhappy individuals. I'll bet they kick their dogs too!

AF

No it is not a mental illness when people only focus on the negative things! You try having a life full of pain, stress and disappointments then see how easy it is then to focus on the positives if you are lucky enough to actually have some in that pile of (its a 4 letter word that starts with s that is censored here - even the 4 letter word that starts with c meaning the same thing is censored here) that is your life! I was able to do it when younger but when you are about to turn forty years old and your life is getting worst by the day it is impossible! And I cannot speak for everyone who are like that but for me I never have punished anyone for this, the only person I have hurt is myself!