I don't know about other people but it's very hard for me to make the effort to look nice because of my weight. I find that things don't look the way I want it too, and its very discouraging. I know that there is no point in waiting until I look perfect to take care of myself. But every time i try, i feel like "what's the point? I'll never really look good...". I guess the way I dress and my hair could look much better, if I tried. But when I try - I just get sad... Does anyone else feel this way? How do you overcome it?

I used to feel that way all the time, and there are still sometimes when I do.

but overall I feel better about myself.

The biggest things that have made me feel good about how I look are:

1. - I went to Glamour Shots and had them do some photos of me. No, I am not a sales rep for their company - but I cannot tell you the boost in self-esteem I got when I saw those pictures and they looked good! There is a makeup artist and hair stylist there to doll you up, and the photographer knows how to pose you to get the best shots. I do NOT look like my avatar over there all the time, but they were able to catch that and once I saw it I was like, "Wow - I am pretty!" It is a little expensive (little bit of an understatement - I wound up spending about $600 dollars there!) But you can look for coupons and introductory specials on the web, and just don't get swept up into buying all the packages.

2. After that I decided to start looking the part. I thought if I could look glamourous on the outside I would start to feel it on the inside. I get my nails done regularly - and usually in some fun, funky color (nothing drab or normal for me - they are currnetly tipped in sparkling aqua, lol!) also a pedicure, because I want my toes to look cute, too! My hair is now in a fnuky little spiked, hot red color - kind of punk look. And I always play up my eyes and my lips.

3. I make sure my undies match. This sounds crazy - but if my panties and bra match (especially if they are black, or purple, or some *not white* color) then I feel secretly sexy.

4. Finally, I make sure I wear clothes that fit. If something it too tight you will be self concious about it all day. If it is too loose, then you are not showing off that you are a woman, just that you are a human. There are lots of humans on this planet - we need more women!

Hi shellyk,
Welcome!
I absolutely understand how you feel. Especially when I see larger size women that look beautiful in clothes that I wish I could afford to buy. I agree with Michelle, having clothes that fit help. I try hard not to hide behind oversized clothes. It's hard though sometimes because I'm so tall, I have to get the large size for the length, and it just looks...well... ill-fitting.

Sometimes I feel kind of dumpy and really not feeling good about myself.
Then there are days I just have to remember it's all in how I carry myself that makes me beautiful...
Michelle, I tried Glamour shots a few years ago and you're right they did make me look beautiful...I just have to tell myself, it wasn't the camera - it was ME...(and yes they are pricey -ouch)
All this to say, I've got my good days and I've got my bad days.
Oh my gosh like for example when I was taking some new pics of myself to post on the website a couple of nights ago. They say that the "camera adds ten pounds" but HORRORS!!!, that was me!!!...lol...
I am now using that as my "before" picture to motivate myself to want to look good -exercise and all that...but even if I don't make it...I've got to believe that I'm worth it...

Hey ladies. There are times that we don't feel, "pretty". This in part will cause us not to put energy into ourselves because we feel discouraged. But Michelle and Dianne both made great points. Michelle does things that make her feel sexy now (wearing matching undies), and Dianne uses her current state as motivation to push forward. Sitting home being sad doesn't change a thing. So when I hate something about myself, I change it. It takes sweat and tears to make progress. We done cried so let's sweat! Lol.

Hi all. A few years back, I was feeling the same exact way. I never wanted to do anything nice for myself because I was so upset with the way I looked; I figured it was nothing but a lost cause. But something inside of me changed when I got a promotion at my job. I got a little boost of confidence and used it to overcome the negative self-image I had of myself. Not soon enough, I started losing some weight and it felt great. While in the process of losing weight, I adapted a strategy that I advise you all to try because it worked for me! In reward of all my hard work, I bought myself a piece of jewelry every time I lost a certain amount of weight. Now I have a few pieces of jewelry that not only look beautiful, but are a constant remembrance of the journey I endured and the many obstacles that I succeeded in order to look and feel the way I do today. While I was searching jewelry sites on the internet, I came across www.JIC.org-It's a jewelry information site that was not only helpful in regards to finding and learning about jewelry, but I found out that you can actually post personal stories about a piece of jewelry that is meaningful to you. I found this idea quite intriguing. Now, every time I reward myself with a significant piece of jewelry, I post my story for all to see. In return, I feel happy to reward myself with a gift and be able share it with others too! Best of luck! Mel

I feel very strongly that every single one of us IS beautiful, in whatever size we are right now. Society is awful in the way it sends messages that "you have to change before you can be beautiful". That is not a healthy message! I know it's tough to override what society tells you, but it is very worth it to find a way to feel proud about yourself right now.

Start small. Find just ONE part of you that you really love. It is your eyes? Your lips? What part of you are you proud of? Find a part and praise it, and play it up. Start with one spot and work from there.

I also agree completely that you should find clothes that fit you well NOW. Every person can look beautiful if they dress well the way they are. I am a frugal person, but even being frugal you can find an outfit or two that are well suited for you as you are right now and help you shine.

In my years as a hairdresser, it has been made very clear to me that even the so called 'beautiful women' are not always beautiful. If you see models with no make up and with their hair in a ponytail you would never know they were models.

Any woman can be beautiful by caring for herself. A hair style that is attractive on her doesn't have to be hard to care for. It just needs to be the right shape for her face. A little make up goes a long way to improve anyone's appearance.

That's an awesome point Lynne. I've seen women who have one hair style one day and they look really "unbalanced" - and then they have a different hair style and they look stunning. It is often about matching your hair style and hair color to the shape of your face, to draw out the beauty in it. We can all be beautiful

Also it's amazing the difference a smile can make. Someone who has the perfect hairstyle who is frowning and angry can look not-attractive. But someone else who is smiling and content - that just exudes attractiveness You are drawn to them!

Lisa, I'm glad you brought up hair color as well. A color that does not flatter skin tones can make a person unattractive - even un-healthy. Even some of the popular hair colors that are definately not natural - like some of the shade of red or plum can be attractive on someone who has the skin tones for that color.

Flattering colors bring out color in your skin, make eyes sparkle and just makes a person glow. A poor choice in hair color has the opposite effect.

Yes definitely!! I'm not sure if you've done it already but do you have some photos on your site of the same person in different hairstyles to illustrate that? I think that would be fascinating to see!

I don't have that in my site, but it would be fun to do. I'll have to work on it.

I would love to see them, I think they'd be really helpful and informative.

Yeah that would be fun to see.

My own hair color is so dark brown it's nearly black, so i can't do much with it.