Do you consider yourself a person of integrity? How about Emotional Integrity? Here's how they're different, how it's possible to have one without the other, and how you can live your life in a way that preserves both.

This is such a fantastic article, Dr. Webb. And SO very important. As one who was raised to be a pleaser, I found it hard to tell what I was honestly feeling.

Not only do I want to please and to relate to others, I have a strong sense of empathy and can feel what others are feeling. I used to put the desires of others first to the point where I didn't even develop desires of my own.

I noticed that my daughter is the same because I inadvertently raised her to be a pleaser, too (shame on me!) I've been working with her to feel good about being her own person and how having desires does not make one selfish. She used to refuse anything for herself, such a gifts or even choosing where she wanted to go out for dinner.

I continually ask her how she is feeling, and I validate every one of them as her right to feel what she feels even though she finds it hard to come out with some feelings she might think will be unhappily received.

I had to teach her a better way by example. It's been hard for both of us to learn new habits but, by golly, we are! Yay!

Lori, there is no shame in inadvertently parenting as we were parented. That's just simply how it works. It's great that you've figured out that your wishes and needs matter and that you are working to teach it to your daughter. Keep up the good work!