sister defensive when told about disrespectful kid - 11/07/12 07:05 PM
Wow! This blew up in my face. My neice made a racist statement at dinner which basically disrespected people of that race including me, her aunt who happens to be of that race. SIL (mother of kid) just laughed. Father-in-law actually said, "let's not be racist" but nothing else was said. I was so shocked and I don't even know what all I felt. My mother put up with way too much racism growing up and this was the first experience I ever had- from my own neice?!!
My husband was beyond upset- mostly at how his sister just laughed and didn't even seem to care about the disrespect? Does she know my ethnic background? (we've been married 20 years and dated 5 years before that- I don't have a specific ethnic look to me but really??!!
So, I wrote an email for my husband to send to his sister.(chose email vs. calling because I wanted the words to be chosen carefully and the knew she thought if she read it a couple times she would see the purpose and not get defensive.- backfire! I merely wrote "I know she is just a kid and didn't mean anything by it, but when you laugh she isn't learning that it is disrespectful to others, including her aunt sitting at the table. I am hoping you can talk to her about how words can be helpful or hurtful."
wow- SIL really, really got defensive and let us have it. wrote 3 emails. basically saying how dare you judge when you don't have kids and have no idea how to raise them and you may think you do but you don't. then a p.s. you both act "holier than thou" and stuff about how we don't get involved with his family and how is that working out for us?
I didn't see any of that coming. wow!!! I tried to be so careful in my wording. Now it seems there is some deeper resentment or maybe hatred there? wow. I don't even know the next step.
We lived in Alaska for awhile and know the anger of the mama bear when defending her baby cub. But, this neice is 14- a freshman in high school. She is def. old enough to be able to be told that what she said was disrespectful. I don't hold it against her, because she is a kid, but I thought it would be best to stay silent and point it out to her own mother so she could then explain to her daughter that comment was disrespectful. I am the one who should be angry because I am the one who was disrespected and now my SIL won't address the racist comment, only defend her mothering skills and attack us further?
What would you do????
My husband was beyond upset- mostly at how his sister just laughed and didn't even seem to care about the disrespect? Does she know my ethnic background? (we've been married 20 years and dated 5 years before that- I don't have a specific ethnic look to me but really??!!
So, I wrote an email for my husband to send to his sister.(chose email vs. calling because I wanted the words to be chosen carefully and the knew she thought if she read it a couple times she would see the purpose and not get defensive.- backfire! I merely wrote "I know she is just a kid and didn't mean anything by it, but when you laugh she isn't learning that it is disrespectful to others, including her aunt sitting at the table. I am hoping you can talk to her about how words can be helpful or hurtful."
wow- SIL really, really got defensive and let us have it. wrote 3 emails. basically saying how dare you judge when you don't have kids and have no idea how to raise them and you may think you do but you don't. then a p.s. you both act "holier than thou" and stuff about how we don't get involved with his family and how is that working out for us?
I didn't see any of that coming. wow!!! I tried to be so careful in my wording. Now it seems there is some deeper resentment or maybe hatred there? wow. I don't even know the next step.
We lived in Alaska for awhile and know the anger of the mama bear when defending her baby cub. But, this neice is 14- a freshman in high school. She is def. old enough to be able to be told that what she said was disrespectful. I don't hold it against her, because she is a kid, but I thought it would be best to stay silent and point it out to her own mother so she could then explain to her daughter that comment was disrespectful. I am the one who should be angry because I am the one who was disrespected and now my SIL won't address the racist comment, only defend her mothering skills and attack us further?
What would you do????