BellaOnline Forums Beauty and Self Large & Lovely How do I help?

Ladies (and gentlemen)

I have a situation I would like some input on. My whole life I have been average to skinny-sized, so I have very little experience with size discrimination, shopping issues, societal pressure, etc.

I have a stepdaughter who is well on her way to being plus-sized. She is 12, and weighs 40 lbs more than I do. What can I do to encourage and support her? I am very careful not to make weight/appearance comments (I limit them to "you have beautiful hair" or "I love your gorgeous eyes") and we emphasize the importance of cooking and eating healthy foods; not from a skinny standpoint, but from a healthy body standpoint. We also try to do fun active things with her, like hiking and rock-climbing.

She is very impressionable, and I do NOT want to contribute to her having image issues. While I would like to help her lose weight strictly for health reasons, (and she does want to) I have very little idea what is acceptable to say or do.

The best thing at her age is to make sure she is physically active, and eating healthily (but you already seem to have that part handled).

Her size is not as important as her health.

Find out what her interests are as far as physical activities go. At 12 she is still young anough to learn a wide variety of skills. She can take hip-hop classes, swimming, biking, cheerleading, karate, etc.

Just find out what interests her and let her go.

The other thing is at 12, she's going through major puberty changes - so some of the weight may come and go as her hormones change. It's almost impossible to tell what she's "finally" going to be like.

But if she gets into the habit of being healthy and active now, it will be a good habit for the rest of her life.

Oh - and over the summer, phase out any sodas, adn start really encouraging water drinking (and milk). You don't even have to do it from the standpo9int of health if you think that will make her too concious.

Buy one of the pitchers that filters water and say you're doing it for the environment. That the plastic water bottles and soda bottles are casuing a big storm (which they are).

It sounds to me like you are being very respectful of her feelings. You definitely don't want to call attention to her weight but if she opens it up for discussion you can ask her what she would to accomplish and if she would like some help. If she says yes you could recommend a daily walking schedule (something you both can do together after school) even if it is only 20 minutes. The other thing you can do is make an appointment to a dietitian so she can hear from a respected health professional the basics of eating. Going together gives both of you an opportunity to ask the dietitian questions. If she doesn't already you may also suggest journaling about her feelings as often times, feelings play a role in over eating. Her privacy must be respected in this manner. And if you have a fireplace you may even suggest she burns the feelings afterword so she feel more comfortable about getting them down and out while having them unread.

It already seems you have a grasp on not pushing the issue. If you and your husband are setting a good example she's sure to appreciate it.

It's also important to remember that it is possible for her to be slightly overweight, active and healthy. And it's more important to judge her health by exams like blood pressure, blood work and activity rather than a BMI which is often skewed for many people.

ok I am throwing a monkey wrench in the pot. I was a fat kid and I ALWAYS GOT back handed complements like "OH you have such a pretty face it you could lose weight you would be so pretty!" and every comment had a lose weight or diet comment attached to it. this is bad very very bad!!! So be careful of those.

Also if you avoid saying that she is pretty or beautiful just because she is heavy you might as well just call her fat because she will pick up on it in time. If you think thin = pretty then you have to change your view of pretty...

Cute Cloths are a great way to make a girl feel pretty at any age or size. try to get cloths that fit and flatter her that are in style. My mom dressed me in teepees and granny cloths! I hated cloths and was teased more because I stuck out like a sore thumb. I still have problems with style and body image.

it sounds like you have a good handle it. just treat her like any other child and she will turn out healthy and happy!