BellaOnline Forums Family Step Parenting Evil Stepdaughter

Need help fast.....
I have been married for almost 3 years to my second husband. He has 2 grown chrildren (one boy & one girl). The girl is 26 years old and is so hateful. I should have seen the signs when right before we married she told me her dad was still in love with his former finance. But her dad was very angry at her for saying that and made her leave his house. He aslo told me that he would NEVER let his chrildren come between us. HA! Almost a year ago my step daughter and her two children (ages 6 & 3) came to live with us. At first things were just great. She cooked supper everyday, did light house keeping and bought all the grocereys (with food stamps). Then all heck broke out. She told her dad that I kicked them out amoung other lies. Since then she continues to cause problems. She ever texted my daughter and told her to tell Mommie Dearest that her dad was ...... the entire neighborhood. Her dad has done nothing about this behavior at all. He said my daughter should have never texted her in the first place. When my daughter was only trying to make peace. She (my daughter) was just trying to break the ice and end all this because she knew that it bothers me real bad to have this tention between us.
Can anyone help me?

Just my 2 cents here, but you and your husband have a lot of talking to do, when marrying even if the children are older you are still inheriting a family and the problems/accomplishments that they have.

You and your husband should have discussed them prior tomarriage, i know that we can always have the foresite to do that, however, all wehave to go on is from this point forward.

Your husband and you need to discuss the matter in great detail and i would suggest without the children around (his and yours) and decided what the best course of action is and what the best ground rules are...

she is a grown children that makes the house his and yours
that makes the house rules his and yours

and it may shed some light on whether or not the blood child comes before or after the 2nd wife

bottom line - you two really need to talk this out or its going to be a thorn in your marriage for years to come

I definitely agree that you and your husband should seek out someone to talk with, to get this all resolved. Yes, children are important, but he has chosen to live his life with you. He has made a vow to be your partner in life. That means he needs to keep others (including his daughter) from maliciously harming you. I know it's difficult to do - but it is his responsibility.

Daughters often get very attached to their fathers (the whole boy-girl tension thing) and are jealous of anyone else coming in between them, especially a step parent. Heck many daughters are jealous of their regular mothers. So this isn't unusual - but it does need to be resolved.

There are many books on the topic, maybe getting one and reading it together (i.e. switch off at chapters) would help ... to show it's a relatively normal problem but one which must be addressed.

I am very fortunate as that my husband has made it clear to his children that I am his number one priority. His children are all above 21, but weren't when I married him. I had many challenges with the stepdaughter and stepson. I came from a small town into the D.C. area with my two sons and was surprised at the differences in values. However, it has all had a happy ending because we both sat down and confronted the issues we were having such as child sabatoge and agreed that our marriage came first and we would be consistent in our parenting techniques as a united front, not talking to only our own children and letting them do what they wanted.

Hi - try to go get couples counseling. Most insurance pays for it. You could later add the children to the sessions. Read the book "Step Wars". This is quite good for figuring out adult step children.

I wanted to share with you, although I do not have any of my adult step daughters figured out. They are treating me very badly and it has continued in spite of my husband loving me very much.

I feel the real secret is for the parent of the errant child to STEP FORWARD AND PUT A STOP TO IT. Until this is done, nothing more can happen. There will be no respect given until this happens. Some therapists have disagreed stating that I need to change how I act or react. I think this is only a small part of it. The parent of the conniving one(s) needs to ACT!!!

Without professional help this situation can end in bitter divorce. You really need counseling, not just you, but the entire family. My second husband had an adult daughter who did everything she could to make me look like the evil stepmother and would be totally rude and disrepectful and critical of me. I came home for lunch one day and found her in my house, doing her laundry and her boyfriends laundry (they had their own washer/dryer at their apartment) and using my bedroom to change and play around in. I kicked them both out, saying they were rude and inconsiderate to do all this without asking me first if they could do laundry there and that they NEVER had the right to enter my husband's and my bedroom without permission, let alone have sex in there! When my husband found out about the situation he said I had over reacted and should not have kicked them out. It was the beginning of a lot of bitterness that ended in a nasty divorce. It took me years to get over the emotional feelings.

I am in a relationship with a man who has a daughter. She is 14. It IS very difficult at times. But, I just stand back and stay out of it. He is the father, and he can deal with her, and the consequences if he doesn't deal with her.

I do give him my opinion but only if he asks.

I think you and your husband need to go to some family counseling together. He made a vow to forsake all others when he married you, but it's difficult with a 2nd wife and a blood child. Be loving and kind and patient, and things may work out.

Definitely read all the step parenting and second marriage books you can find.

You might be able to find a marriage workshop in your area too.

Dear Evil Stepdaughter

I feel your pain every day of my life! My adult stepdaughter lived in the household along with my 2 adult daughters because they were all attending college. She is, by far, the worse person I have ever dealt with!

She talks to my husband as if he were trash.....he says nothing. My husband feels bad, I think, because her mom died some time ago. She came into the home, with my husband's help, and turn my home upside down! She has a way of making my husband feel sorry for her and he falls into that trap every time.

Well, I made all the girls move away. She was the last to go and she felt that she should mot have left. During her eight month stay, she had my husand take a car that he bought for me and give to her. All the respect, love and trust I had for him is all gone.....21 years of marriage! I wish I had never allowed her into my household! My husband? Now he is bitter! I will never marry a man with any children from a previous marriage. I have learned a valuable lesson.....incidently..my husband is a Minister!! Take it from me Evil Stepdaughter..I feel your pain!
From....I feel the pain!

Been there - done that. I married an older man and he had kids by a previous marriage. My gut instinct was to run away, but I didn't. I was an idiot........

It is not only kids under 18 that can wreck a 2nd marriage.

Counseling is definitely the best (and only) thing to do. If you do not talk about it and the boil festers - your marriage(?) will not stand the test of time!

hi, you are not on your own, stepchildren seem to expect everyones attention without caring for anyone else in the homme.
my husband and I have been married for 8 years, I have 2 stepchildren one 23 and the other 17. over the years we have had many problems regarding respect, and even now Iam not respected,(the exwife had a lot of negative input)I dont care!
we adopted a little boy a few years ago and this really caused
hell. my stepchildren dont care in the least about him and are very jealous when my husband does anything for him.
all I can suggest to you is make sure you and your husband talk and have plenty of time together.
life is to short for children to make it hard for you.